[TaleofMisunderstood]

How about me, Johnny?

[midnightstar]

@Inverse Knight is there anything I can do to help you? *hugs* I will if I can

[Hotspur]

OK, back to broken record mode. Why is it that everyone else on earth is allowed to find love but I'm not?

At least I'm happy with every other area of my life right now. I just have to dwell on that happiness and accept that we can't all be blessed in everything. My area of curse is my desire to find love, to be a wonderful husband and father. Oh well.

I once felt this way, and sooooo strongly. I got therapy, I tried a lot of things to change the way I was (I blamed myself for every failure), I tried to find people who were vastly different from people I had previously dated, and I even tried to simply settle for people I was not entirely happy with. I did just about everything until I was burned out and actually happier to think I might just remain alone. Well, we see how that worked out. :)

Don't get too discouraged. Remember that we are rare people as INFP men, and it will take a rare person to appreciate that. Most people don't even know what they have in you because they can't see past their own insecurities. I found, in retrospect, that a lot of people would turn to disliking dating me because of their own weaknesses, but they would turn it around as if it was my fault because it was easier that way. I often would believe them because I tend to be a trusting person, which undermined my self-confidence to the point where I was an absolute pushover. It took years of recovery to be confident within myself, and confident that it didn't matter if I was alone. I was not defined by the person on my arm. I am still not defined by the person on my arm, even though I think I've found the perfect person for me. The fact that she is on my arm is a sign that I have defined myself.

Give yourself time and jut be the most true @CynicallyNaive you can be. Life sounds great, and take a lot of strength from that. As I said to @refugee, the older we get, the more confidence we have in who we actually are, and the more attractive that is to the ladies. If you allow yourself to blossom in your new world, and not focus on the few things that you think are lacking, you'll start having to shoo them away. Then you'll have an entirely new problem of trying to avoid falling for the wrong one!

[Lyssah]

I once felt this way, and sooooo strongly. I got therapy, I tried a lot of things to change the way I was (I blamed myself for every failure), I tried to find people who were vastly different from people I had previously dated, and I even tried to simply settle for people I was not entirely happy with. I did just about everything until I was burned out and actually happier to think I might just remain alone. Well, we see how that worked out. :)

Don't get too discouraged. Remember that we are rare people as INFP men, and it will take a rare person to appreciate that. Most people don't even know what they have in you because they can't see past their own insecurities. I found, in retrospect, that a lot of people would turn to disliking dating me because of their own weaknesses, but they would turn it around as if it was my fault because it was easier that way. I often would believe them because I tend to be a trusting person, which undermined my self-confidence to the point where I was an absolute pushover. It took years of recovery to be confident within myself, and confident that it didn't matter if I was alone. I was not defined by the person on my arm. I am still not defined by the person on my arm, even though I think I've found the perfect person for me. The fact that she is on my arm is a sign that I have defined myself.

Give yourself time and jut be the most true @CynicallyNaive you can be. Life sounds great, and take a lot of strength from that. As I said to @refugee, the older we get, the more confidence we have in who we actually are, and the more attractive that is to the ladies. If you allow yourself to blossom in your new world, and not focus on the few things that you think are lacking, you'll start having to shoo them away. Then you'll have an entirely new problem of trying to avoid falling for the wrong one!

@CynicallyNaive
I'm happy to see you posting again. :)

I have a few things to add and I hope I don't embarrass you by saying things you already know, or by giving a venting comment more weight than was intended. :)

In my opinion, all INFP men are a rare gift. Healthy, mature INFP men are an even rarer, more precious gift.
In one body, nature has managed to combine strength of character, morality, ethicality, humor, depth, uniqueness, empathy, sensitivity, and moxy. Without even applying them to relationships, those things alone make for a fascinating person.

Personally, it took me until age 31 to really get a good grasp on who I am which allowed me to determine what I wanted AND COULD APPRECIATE in a man. I figured out that while I can respect general good qualities in any man, I can only love, appreciate, respect, and admire the qualities that I am naturally hardwired to respond to. Figuring those out allowed me to seek out a man that possessed those characteristics and I was naturally able to give him the respect and admiration he deserved. When I was dating men that did not have the characteristics I required, I could not fully appreciate or love them in the way they needed me to. I'm sure they often felt neglected even though I would do my best to make the relationship happy. You may not have run into any women yet that know themselves well enough and are hardwired to respond to your particular gifts.

As far as increasing the volume of available women, I guess I agree with @Hotspur. Just be passionate about your life and authentically enjoy everything that you do. Women will see that and I can tell you firsthand it is very attractive.

[RetroVortex]

Daww.... now you're makin' us all blush!

[cottoncamby]

I hate how empathetic I am. I feel other's feelings for them to such an outrageous degree that it often seems like there's no room for my own feelings anywhere inside of me. I want a partner but it takes too long for me to open up. No one has the patience and it's not their fault, it's mine. I always have one foot out the door just in case and it self-fulfillingly always proves to be the case. I finally met someone I really like and he lives in another state. This has promise because if he lived here I'd have already slept with him and walked away. Judge me if you want. It can't be harsher than the way I already judge myself. My life is actually beautiful and wonderful and fulfilling. I'm making my music and loving my kids and friends and family. Living the kind of life I want to live:) except for that stupid romantic love thing that I'm so terrible at. I'm capable of it, I just need time.

[WardRhiannon]

I'm starting to think my mother is an ESFJ, not an ESFP. She wants me to conform better to her ideas of what I should be.

[RetroVortex]

I decided to speak to an old friend today.
Got him to do a test too!

Turns out he's a INTJ, a scientist type.
He's definately not a stereotypical science lover though.

But I know him, and I know how he thinks, and it makes sense that he is a INTJ.

You see, me and him take very different approaches to games.

I like to dip my hand in several games at once. Enjoying the experience. Taking notes of the design elements.

He'll play one game at a time, and absolutely pick it to pieces. Learn everything about the systems, how to exploit them to the maximum potential.

He does walkthrough videos on Youtube. A LOT. He's very organised and methodical about it. (He wasn't like it in school, but he wasn't interested in academia. Which is why he'd bunk off to watch loose women all the time. Now that he is doing something he clearly loves. He's brillo at it)

I hope I find something to take advantage of my talents eventually! :D

[CynicallyNaive]

@Hotspur @Lyssah Thanks. I really appreciate the sincere concern and positivity you both project, even though I'm sort of trying to tune this topic out of my thinking because of the pain it represents.

[Kyandigaru]

Now im the last older girl in the family that has yet to have a child....this is bullshit.