[frietfriet]

Thanks @Holgrave, that actually made me feel better :).



I am glad my birthday is over, but when I woke up I realized I'd cut my hair waaaay too short. Woops.

[StellarTwirl]

I've just now decided my self-preservation instinct is complete bullshit. I don't want it anymore.

And I'm going to dismantle it, brick-by-brick, until it's gone.

[refugee]

Phone sex?

Refugee, phone sex gigolo.

[Ardent Lunacy]

Remember when I said that without a student I become amoral? I'm going to quote part of a conversation.

"I'm pissed off that you tried to kill yourself. Why should you be allowed to give up, when I can't? It pisses me off to know that I could have attempted myself, or done something equally as stupid knowing that you did it, so it *must* make it okay."

"It's not your job to look after me. Looking after your own health is what I want you to do. I just wish I'd get a check-in every now and again to know you're safe. You think because I do something that makes it okay? Have you any idea the amount of self-destructive bullshit I've done and explicitly told you not to do. I'm not perfect, ***. I make mistakes and I have faults. I'm as feeble, flawed, fallible, and fleeting as everyone else. I'm mortified and ashamed of what I did. It was idiotic, selfish, and pathetic. I don't want you to end up like me. I've told you that a thousand times. If following my example is so important, start popping prescription pills like candy, fall in Love with someone totally wrong for you and let them ruin your life, lose control of your anger, resentment, and bitterness until you've lost all your friends. Become a monster, like me. You don't want that and I don't want that for you. You're one of the few people who will understand how devastatingly, soul-crushingly alone I feel and why it pushed me over the edge. The night I realized how much I'd truly lost due to my own stupidity. Like my best friend of seven years. I don't want you to be like me. But if you want to follow my example, I guess I'll have to be a BETTER example for you. Forget the past, if you want someone to look up to, life starts now. I thought I'd lost you too and I cried for hours. Because of how much I love you. Now let's stop this nonsense. You need to confide in someone, to trust someone; to let your pain out to someone. If you don't... just trust me. I know what that road takes you."

Now I lost her too. Someone I loved like my own child. I'm losing everything I Love. Just another arrow in the heart I must pull out. I can't change her opinion of me and I don't why she left me in the first place; I just know my stupidity ultimately sealed her disapproval of me. I need to be better, so this doesn't happen again. She needed me and I let her down. This is my failing.

[TaleofMisunderstood]

@Inverse Knight : This is why I think you're Jesus Christ. (Symbolically, of course!)

[midnightstar]

Why does love have to be torture - I got dumped callously through email this morning by my boyfriend and I want to die :( Someone kill me please - the more painful the death the better

[TaleofMisunderstood]

Because God hates perfection. I secretly hope to get a -infinity% on a test.

[StaceofBass]

I am generally a pretty confident woman, but certain things cause me to lose my confidence. What happened today? Oh, nothing...just my mom making me feel like introversion is a disease. She doesn't seem to understand that I need time alone to recharge my battery and well here's what she said basically...

"You need to get over this introversion. You use it as a crutch. You'll never survive in this world if you don't get over it"

There's tons of introverts who make it in this world...some are world famous writers and poets. I don't get how she can say I use it as a crutch when I am introverted and it's just part of who I am.

You know this is why I prefer my dad...he's definitely more accepting of my introvertedness. All he says is that I need to be more outgoing which I try to be. It's just not easy for me because of my past.

As soon as I think my mom is starting to understand me, she goes and says something so ignorant and hurtful...

[amethyst_butterfly]

The comment I said about my country and the Olympics was a joke. I have to give credit to the two athletes who won medals and the gymnast who won 6th place. Puerto Rico is a very small island that was competing againt powerful nations and there were bigger countries that did not won anything so I congratulate them. At least we never leave empty handed :) One day we will win gold. In the Panamerican games we have more luck.

I feel extremely tired. At least my supervisor got the hint. I don't want her to do my job but she should help a little so I can finish the job on time without standing on my feet all day. This is for the benefit of everyone because if it were for me I would take my time but there is a doctor who breathes behind my neck when I don't have anything done. It irritates me when there is a lot of work to do and you are the only one doing the job while the rest of your co-workers are talking about unimportant things in a corner. You have to be fair.

I sold another bracelet online. I have made approximately 50 dollars in these two weeks. I realized that I should focus on making chan luu bracelets only since those are popular now.

/Done

[Oh_no_she_DIDNT]

I don't know if I'm a girl or a woman or both or what I am.

Well, I know I'm female, but I'm 'generationally confused'. I feel like a girl.. like a child.. and when I refer to myself as a woman there is this tinge of something that feels odd and unfamiliar. I don't wear suits to work. In fact I've never worn a suit anywhere.. because I've never needed to. Scratch that. Once on stage... But that doesn't count because I was playing a character. I've never worn a suit. I don't own a home. I don't have kids. I'm not married. I'm on the same plane of existence as Snooki, so based off of my height alone, I'm often mistaken as younger. I suspect the world treats me as younger... and often I acquiesce and cater to their perceptions. I notice the way people approach my taller friends. They're referred to as "ma'am" and with me its "sweetie". Add to that the fact that I'm naturally playful (and if I'm not playing, I'm just restraining myself). At a party, you can catch me socializing with children playing duck duck goose with the kids. Or maybe starting a game of wheel-barrel races through the hallway with toddlers, 6 year olds and 8 year olds. Not necessarily to entertain them, (because that is one of my motivations) but also because its fun.. and funny.. and I want to wheel barrel race still. lol

Yet, other times I feel like a woman, more mature. I feel older. But its always fleeting. Maybe during a serious conversation... or when I feel inclined to speak up about something important I feel knowledgeable about at work. Or when I think about how old I am, or how old my friends are and where their lives are settling with houses and babies, grown children and promotions. Or sometimes when I look in the mirror, and the face that stares back at me is a bit more weathered than the naive, innocent teenage face I was once familiar with. Its a girl-woman that looks back at me now. Part girl. Part woman. Or maybe reluctant woman.

I sometimes tell myself not to worry about it. Woman, girl, playful, serious... Whatever. It doesn't matter really what I am, or how people see me, or if I act like a child. No doubt I want to continue to grow and mature as a person and individual, but I am what I am. One day (if I'm so lucky) I'll be old and gray haired and wrinkled. I suspect that I'll still feel like a girl then too. But, I wonder.

I'm beginning to believe that the girl in me will never grow up. This is a permanent aspect of my personality. I'm just gonna let her play and be.