[violetscarletblue]

I feel so jaded. When I think about my future, it's all blank. I feel like... a nowhere girl.
I don't know what to do. I don't enjoy anything anymore.
I wish I could move and start over, some other place, far away.

[midnightstar]

Having a mental illness is a hard thing. It's a type of pain that I don't think you can understand until you have experienced it.

This is so, so true Luke (hugs)

[StaceofBass]

Hi friends and acquaintances who may be interested - I just thought I'd update my PerC folks on what's up with my pregnancy since so many of you have given me support through all this.

I am on Day 3 in the hospital, my water broke very early. So far they don't know why it broke. The tests are inconclusive. I am stable and so is baby. We are just hanging out, getting monitored and whatnot. I haven't gone into labor, not dilated, not had any big contractions or anything. Just the water broke, which means the amniotic fluid that the baby is floating around in within the uterus came out. It still gets replenished because it is basically baby's pee and stuff, but leaks out after that. He is ok though, there is still a little fluid in there (about half). So we are just waiting to see a couple more test results and just hanging out and making sure I don't go into labor, as it is still quite early.

His gestational age is 29 weeks and 6 days, but he is actually measuring farther along than that (woo). He is measuring 32 weeks (I've been eating well I guess!). That is a good thing. The longer he stays in there, the better. Babies born this early are usually around 3 pounds and their survival rate is very good (well over 90%) but they can be born with breathing difficulties since the lungs are some of the last organs to form. There is very low chance of brain damage and eyesight problems, as well as just being more vulnerable to things if he is born this soon. That is why we are trying to keep him in there as long as he will stay, provided I have no infection. So far, no infection. Infections are the leading cause for early water breakage, so they have to rule that out first. I still have one more test result to determine if there is an infection, but so far the other results have shown no infection. So that is good. That means I will just have to stay in bed, be monitored and wait. It could be weeks, even a month if all goes well. Or it could just be another day. We don't know.

So yeah, that's what is going on. I suppose I could have put it in a blog, but i dont' feel like figuring that out right now. So whoever reads this, reads it. I have heard many encouraging stories about babies born this early. My cousin was born this early and he was fine, as well as my friends' daughter. It happens, and usually the babies do just fine. They just have to stay in the hospital for many weeks after they are born, all hooked up to machines. That is going to suck, but i am prepared as I could be, I guess. Trying to stay encourage, trying to stay positive.

If you pray or anything, please send me some good prayers and thoughts. Thanks friends. Feel free to write or whatever. I will try to respond when I can. As it is, it's pretty boring in this hospital room, stuck to this bed. husband is staying with me, and we have visitors, but it's still kinda boring. :)

I'll keep you and baby in my prayers. I'm sure all will be okay. Let us know what you find out

[da_gobbo]

@ethylester my thoughts are with you

when I'd be friends with two people they'd eventually ditch me and start hanging out just the two of them so now I'm constantly afraid it'll happen to me again.

had this happen to me in the past and i know what you mean about the fear it'll happen again, i'm always a bit reticent about introducing friends to each other as a result

[OregonPoppy]

So I've just been through a real mess with a long-time friend, and it's drawing out all of my tendency to over-think, as well as hitting me right smack in the middle of "my values or my friendship?"

I've been friends with this person for almost 25 years. For most of that time, we've been very close, talk almost daily either text or email. She's helped me through break-ups and unemployment and a challenging marriage; I've helped her through two weddings and divorces and raising her two kids. In many ways, she's closer to me than she is to her own sister.

Lately, she's started making decisions that seem questionable to me.... she came down really hard on her older daughter for making a pretty typical teenage decision, then continued to hold it over the girl's head; she started dating someone significantly younger who started spending a lot of time at her house whether the kids were there or not, and who ultimately stole prescription medication from her; after him, she started dating someone else who moved in with her and proposed almost immediately, causing an argument with the kids (who weren't consulted and didn't want him moving in) which led to them being sent to go and live with their father; and to top it off, every time someone has told her they think she's making a mistake, she rants and raves that it's her life and she doesn't have to put up with being abused.

I told her up front that I thought she should take it slow with this new boyfriend, yadda yadda. He's very young and not settled in his own life yet while her kids only have a couple of years before they are adults and heading off to college. It's..... well, I'm hurt and upset that she not only didn't take my advice, she did the exact opposite almost immediately after I gave it. As good as it is that her kids get to go and spend time with their dad and his new family, the way she treated them - moving a near-stranger into a their home without discussing it with them first - just isn't sitting right with me.

So I initially stepped back, just didn't volunteer any conversation for a couple of weeks, to get a handle on what I was really thinking and feeling. Checked in with her younger teen - who I'm closer to than the older one - and found out that she was ok and finishing the school year with her friends. After that, decided that what I really want is to NOT sit and hold my friend's hand again if/when this relationship falls apart. I want to NOT have to bite my tongue when what I want to say is "I told you so". I want to NOT have to bite my tongue when she starts gushing about wedding plans because she'll get angry if I tell her it's still a bad idea to marry someone you've known for 2 whole months.

Eventually, I decided that the best thing to do was just to be a friend - not a best friend, not a close friend, because she doesn't expect "just another friend" to be there helping her pick out flowers and dresses and smiling and not having contrary opinions. Which meant that last week, we had an email conversation over several days which amounted to her saying she misses me, me saying, "well, sorry to hear that, but I feel pretty disrespected by the way you're responding, could you tell me more about what friendship means to you", and her responding with "FIRST of all, I did NOT kick my children out onto the STREET. I sent them to live with their FATHER. This is exactly the same as when one parent says wait until your father gets home, except that their father lives in his own household across town." *sigh*

The whole thing leaves me frustrated, because she's not really hearing what I have to say, and feeling like a real heel for pushing her away.

Um. Yeah. Thanks for listening. Been on my mind for the past 6 weeks, and I'm getting tired of carrying it around.

[DarwinsBastard]

I just read about something called "imposter syndrome", and it really, really hit home.


Impostor syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



Does this sound familiar to anyone else? This seems like it could be linked to inferior Te.

I will not allow the people around me to call me smart, regardless of my grades, I never stop reading journals, science magazines and wiki articles and watching documentaries because I never feel like I know enough, I have an insatiable thirst for information, I never feel smart enough, ever.

[Ardent Lunacy]

I just read about something called "imposter syndrome", and it really, really hit home.


Impostor syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



Does this sound familiar to anyone else? This seems like it could be linked to inferior Te.

I will not allow the people around me to call me smart, regardless of my grades, I never stop reading journals, science magazines and wiki articles and watching documentaries because I never feel like I know enough, I have an insatiable thirst for information, I never feel smart enough, ever.

You just scared the living shit out of me. Looking at your signature? I'm 2w1 / 5w6 / 9w1. We're the same, just different rotation. I feel exactly like you do. I spend all my time on TV Tropes, Wikia, browsing info to learn about myself. I accept no good opinions of myself from anyone. I'm going to have a freak-out now.

I can't type much, due to pain. I've taken more Fioricet and Tramadol than I can afford. I'm in so much pain, I can't stand it. I want my fucking Vicodin. My wisdom teeth hurt like Hell and the last nerve-cells on my canines are aching like Hell. I ate a bag of pepperonis today and that's it. I WANT TO EAT MY FUCKING CHINESE FOOD. I have House Special Lo Mein, which is the Shit, Beef and White Rice, and Chicken. THIS IS NOT FAIR.

I left this open so I could end on a good note. I spoke to my new Head of Johnny Decision Making. I'm going to ask my Doctor, then I'm going to find a Dental School and get all my teeth pulled. I ordered a mask a few days ago. I looked up on how to eat with no teeth. When I can afford dentures, I'll buy them. My life won't be in danger without my infected teeth. A dental school will be free. They'll load me up with Novocaine or morphine and I'll be fine. It'll be embarrassing, but with the mask, I'll just be scarier than normal. But when they see my cane and the pain I'm in, I think it'll balance out. I'm going to see my doctor after I go to social security. He's going to fill out my disability papers and then give me the last bit I need. My mom also is friends with the State-Senator, so that'll help me get some stuff waved and time saved. Pray for me. I don't care what God. If you're an Atheist, just send me all the love and hope you can. I'll need Yahweh, Bahamut, or just the Force itself.

[StaceofBass]

I have a friend who I believe is an ESFP. I had a very troubling conversation with him tonight. This is a man who is morbidly obese and it scares me each day that it could be his last. He just turned 30 and has type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, asthma, and some heart issues. I asked him tonight to please start exercising because he has been trying to diet, but diet just isn't enough for him. Or maybe he cheats too much on his diet. Either way, I tried to help him and advise him tonight and it was like he didn't want to hear it. I just feel like there's so much I take for granted that he is unable to do because of his weight. It makes me sad...

[Dhimas Muharyo Putra]

why am i like this, why am i not becoming a full man who can support my family, why am i like can't do anything, why even everyone hate me and saying me im different now, why my girlfriend seems never understand me, why is she always so egoistic now, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

i am ashame of myself but at my worse like now i can only be parasite, i dont know what to do, what to make what to to begin, what to maintain and what to finish, why am i like the only one different and why seems everyone saying i am mad, why why why, theres too many why in my head right now

[refugee]

Seriously, people need to stop pretending to be the Messiah....



Highlight: He writes on a whiteboard, "I'm Jesus, Deal With It."