[mimesis]

The irony of this guy continuously texting me while I'm here online searching tips for spotting lesbians -_-.
I don't want to be insensitive, but sometimes guys just can't take a hint that I'm not interested.

Yes, you really need to spell it out. Be explicit. We are not so subtle.

[Hend]

"Not" dear insomnia, I'm turning into an owl.

[Bremy]

Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.
Otomo No Yakamochi

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
G. K. Chesterton

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
Kahlil Gibran

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.
Martin Luther King, Jr.


I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.
Dalai Lama
These guys explain my thoughts way better than I ever could. I hope you understand the message annd that it helps. I totally feel your pain, hun.

Okay well... I am going to let some of it out. You don't want it all. Believe me.

I am tired of getting hurt. I am tired of getting emotionally attached to people so easy and then have them rip that away.
Why can't I ever make any friends? It really bugs me. My newest friend has been my friend for six years now. Every time I try...I fail. I will try to take initiative and strike up a conversation. This doesn't ever go anywhere. Is as if once the talk is over, regardless of how long or short it is, it goes back to the way it was prior to the conversation. I really don't like my social awkwardness. It's hard enough talking to another guy I don't know, but when its a girl... I am a complete idiot. I really get that thread about how guys get dumber talking to beautiful women. It really bothers me that for one reason or another the befriending challenge largely extends to even online, where I am much more social. Do people hate me? Am I invisible?

I really dislike my intellegience. I consider myself a dumb INFP. I haven't played an instrament aside a recorder, at least thats what they called it back in 4-6th grade. I like music but I am also very picky on which I like. I can be a decent artist but I have to have a reference, and a bit of time to draw. I don't particularly get any enjoyment out of drawing either. I like working with wood, but the tools for any project I would like to do are a bit expensive. I miss karate, I want to go back into the martial arts. I don't have the time nor money to do so however. I REALLY want to take up archery: not as a sport, just for recreation.
I hate homework. I am in college but in a Junior college. They give much more busy work than normal colleges from what I observed. It is really annoying. I have a horrible memory for specifics. I can't remember names or formula or details in literary work. While as a person I am fine with this, it is a bit bothersome. The details are what everyone expects you to remember. *sigh*

I worry that I wont find a girlfriend again. I haven't gone out on a date in 3 years. I am 22 and have no real strategy on even going about finding one. I can't even seem make new friends so this seems like an impossible task. I really, really, REALLY, don't like my lack of hobbies. I have things I want to do, but unfortunately I can't afford them because I don't have a job. I don't like not having a job. I must have a secret label on my forehead saying "Don't hire me, I am made of nuclear waste and fail!" I have been looking, albeit not constantly for a job since my first year out of high school. I graduated in 05 if you were wondering. The town I live next too sucks freaking hairy monkey nuts. Unless you want a job in retail or fast food. Good luck finding anything. I believe this lack of choice is a big part of why I don't get hired, along with my college schedule. I would think an INFP male would be a horrible salesmen. I want to get out of my Junior college already. I am almost done but the classes I need to transfer are stacked in a way that has postponed my transfer be over a year.

I really worry about my future career plans. I have no idea what I want to do. I thought about teacher, but lately all I hear on the news is them getting the short end of the stick.

I feel hollow, or perhaps dead inside. I don't know how you categorize this but. I don't get "energy from either talking to "people" or being by myself. I only feel energized when I am talking or just being around people I care about: which is something in very short supply these days. I feel as if my dreams are becoming more and more distant and distorted as I try to "compromise" to get what I want. Occasionally I meet cool people online, but I often wonder where are they in real life? I usually give up because I assume they are in a similar position I am, which means I will have to either be lucky enough to get partnered up with them in a class, or go door by door asking if there is an INFP in the house.

Since about a year and a half ago, I started to laugh quite a bit more. I laugh at just about anything, granted I am comfortable with the company. I do wonder though if I am really happy or just using humor as an emotional high to get over my gloom.
I always feel and think like when talking to the opposite sex, that they probably think I am trying to come on to them. 99% of the time this isn't the case. I need to get over that issue, but I don't know if its just me thinking this or if it really is the case.

Okay, while that was a bunch of negative mumbo jumbo, I figured I would talk about some more positive things, despite being in a sad mood for the past five days. I do like my personality by and large. I like being kind and good. I like having complete faith in my values and morals. I like knowing that when I give my word to someone, I go out of my way to try to fulfill it. I love love, even if I don't get as much as I would like. I look forward to having children some day. I think being a dad would be very rewarding. I like seeing things in a different light from people around me, even other INFPs. I like that I can, at least I think I can, see problems from many perspectives. I had to learn this in my previous relationship to defuse tensions, expand ideas, etc. I really like my dreams, even though some of them can be a bit dark and depressing. I also like the rain, I know, a bit random. I like how my imagination takes off when reading or watching something I really enjoy. I feel as if I am in the reality that I am experienceing.

I would add more but, I am both pressed for time, as I have to start getting ready for class soon, and that I am still a bit depressed(?) about a multitude of things. Not to mention a bit angry at myself for a undisclosed reason. The anger part is legit and I am dealing with it properly, other overwhelming things have just slowed it up a bit i'm thinking.

If any of you feel like saying hi or w/e please do. I come on PC not just for information, but to talk and get to know people. I have to get out of my comfort zone to get things solved, and PC is a nice first step. Almost everyone knows about the personality types, If only people in my area shared the same parallel.

Random thought from just that last part: I should go to school one day with a INFP name tag on my shirt to see if anything happens. Not like I am worried about becoming a social outcast, I am already there! Thanks for reading my rant, thoughts, or whatever you would like to call the abomination above. ^

Edit:

I wrote more that I thought >.< sorry.

[mimesis]

"Not" dear insomnia, I'm turning into an owl.

Ah there you are. Was looking for you. Well, actually I found other messages on other threads (or was it this one?, can't bloody remember it anymore!), but I needed to align them chronologically. Which I think I have now.

[silverlark]

Darling you are a fool of the highest order but I promise I will endeavor to take better care of your heart in the future if you will just settle down a but before we both drown, from me to me, sincerely silverlark.

[dollybones_90]

My type 2 ESFP former boss is a fucking bitch (no offense to other type 2s or ESFPs.) She pretends to be all sweet and positive then screws you over BIG time. She fired me today over the stupidest shit. She was sexually abused as a child. I have no idea whether or not this affects her behavior, but her dramatic mood swings would suggest it does.

[refugee]

Going through obituaries today, I discovered that Maurice Sendak, the author of Where the Wild Things Are, passed away today.

Maurice Sendak - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



It always reminds me of how life is so temporary.

One day you're here, the next day you ain't.

The unpredictable nature of life, the absoluteness of death, and the unrelenting march of time.



Makes me realize how there is so much I will never experience, yet......

[silverlark]

Going through obituaries today, I discovered that Maurice Sendak, the author of Where the Wild Things Are, passed away today.

Maurice Sendak - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



It always reminds me of how life is so temporary.

One day you're here, the next day you ain't.

The unpredictable nature of life, the absoluteness of death, and the unrelenting march of time.



Makes me realize how there is so much I will never experience, yet......

Oh jeeze, that sucks. I love him. I kinda wanna cry now...

[Morpheus83]

Oh jeeze, that sucks. I love him. I kinda wanna cry now...

It brings back some fond memories. Many schoolteachers read Where the Wild Things Are in my primary school classes, and I vaguely remember writing a university paper analyzing the story's representation of childhood in the context of a semiotic as well as psychoanalytic reading. It's still a fun and insightful story after all these years, I think. Maurice Sendak will remain as one of my childhood literary influences :) May he rest in peace.

[IAmMe2010]

I can be pretty deep when I want to be,
when I take that dive into humanity,
but there's so much pain there, can't you see?
So for know, I rather just float here peacefully,
and be who I am supposed to be,
Trying to find some paradise in the sea,
Trying to find some part of me
That hasn't been drowned in the rain...

(hmmm, perhaps I will also post this in "Thy Poetry" )