Stream of Consciousness/Vent Thread

**Rather Unusual** · 11-21-2011 05:47 AM

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**Rayna** · 11-21-2011 05:57 AM

Sometimes I'd feel so on top of the world. I'd feel as if I'd have no worries. But why do the smallest things bring me down? Things that may not even be directed at me. But because of this strong assumption I have, I think you're thinking of me when you write such things.

I should assume the complete opposite just so that I'm not drowning in the unnecessary.

I hate how with you, history repeats itself. It's not good history.

I admit, you were good company. You've helped me at times. But I hate your shifts of personalities. You were great to be around when we were on the same page. But I hate it when you think you know everything. I hate it when you think you can just do things the way you want. Just walk away. Just leave me standing there letting people look at me, the person who did wrong. I did nothing wrong. It's just because I did not meet your expectations. Because I disappointed you time and time again. This was the side of you that I hated so much. But I tried so hard to accept. I tried to ignore the insensitive things you've said. I tried to ignore the sentences you've uttered, your disgusted surprise of me not knowing the obvious. I accepted you, hoping you'd accept me too.

I'm sorry for being slow. I'm sorry for being in the clouds all the time. I'm sorry for being spontaneous. I'm sorry for being indecisive. I'm sorry for not being able to stand my ground because I constantly worry about the people around me. I'm sorry for being complex. I'm sorry for not knowing what I want. I'm sorry for just wanting to get a lot from life, so I'm running around, enjoying new things, even though I should be doing the compulsory.

I'm so sorry that you cared so much for me to the point you couldn't stand being around me because you thought I was being reckless with my life. You think you know me; you think I'm not smart enough for philosophy, you think I'm being a "whore". You know nothing about me. You think you've analysed me to the very bone. Honestly though, I suppose you were never my true friend because I was so scared to be around you at the same time enjoy being around you. I never let you into my thoughts. I never let you see the true me. I never shared ideas with you. Because every time I did, you would be scornful. You would show me your disapproval. Then in this case, I never should have bothered in the first place. I should not have tried being friends with you again. I knew this was going to happen again. So why I let it? Why do I have to go through things twice to finally decide that I shouldn't? I always have such hope. I shouldn't give everything a second chance.

You remind me of the reason why I never get along with anyone. You remind me why I should have kept to my principle of keeping to myself and not letting in anyone. Because everyone I meet, just when I let them get to know me, just when I say this... that it is more appropriate for me to be alone.. but it doesn't mean I want to be. I don't want to be alone. I want to actually have friends who accept me, for being the reckless me that I don't mean to be. Yes I know, I take a lot of one's patience... but that's me. I really want to open up to people, but because so many people are the way they are, I can't. They either force me to open up or when I open up, they desert me. Why do so many people have to be like that?

I don't know whether to blame myself for being me or to blame others for being the way they are. But truthfully, blaming is stupid. Why blame anyone? I don't want to blame people for being the way they are... but it's making me like people less and less even though I find myself caring so much for them.

It's so pathetic and I can't help it.

**Lad** · 11-21-2011 06:29 AM

@NeonBomb is my new favorite person.

NeonBomb has a grizzly bear carpet in her room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
Once the cop pulled over NeonBomb...the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
NeonBomb once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from NeonBomb.
NeonBomb is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell NeonBomb stories.
When NeonBomb rides into the sunset, the sun is actually running from her.
NeonBomb doesn't lie. Whatever she says simply becomes the truth.

**SenhorFrio** · 11-21-2011 08:38 AM

Originally Posted by Lad

@NeonBomb is my new favorite person.

NeonBomb has a grizzly bear carpet in her room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
Once the cop pulled over NeonBomb...the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
NeonBomb once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from NeonBomb.
NeonBomb is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell NeonBomb stories.
When NeonBomb rides into the sunset, the sun is actually running from her.
NeonBomb doesn't lie. Whatever she says simply becomes the truth.

i can personally verify this one!

**cricket** · 11-21-2011 10:29 AM

On a whim, I colored my hair again. Dark auburn this time. Meh, it works.
My apartment has gotten so disgusting, I literally feel like holding my breath when walking through it. I feel sickness everywhere.
I had the oddest dream that my friends and I were hoarding pot. So strange. Medicinal purposes?

Josh Groban and my love for him will get me through this paper.

**GreenLadyBug** · 11-21-2011 11:22 AM

America is such a joke. :/

**Knight of Cups** · 11-21-2011 11:59 AM

My ESTJ dad has an account on Youtube and, every so often, he feels this need to become famous by singing karaoke versions of pop music from 50 years ago.... very loudly with expensive, amplifying equipment. -_-
Eyyy! I'm tryna be a bum and sleep past noon 'ere!

I know it's his thing and all. It's what makes him happy, but that doesn't mean I can't bitch about it. He sings mostly Elvis songs, but they're the stupidest, most materialistic, women-objectifying songs to ever exist.

Err... it's not Elvis' fault, I suppose. It's just the way of life back then and he was a part of it. And women wanted to be that way... I guess. Recession or not, I don't care; I'm so glad I didn't grow up back then... I'd rather struggle with money than become some guy's little housewife any day.

Mark my words, I am NOT inheriting his extensive Elvis collection later in life, including his life-size Elvis cardboard cutouts he keeps next to a window at night.

Good, he just finished. *rubs eye sockets* 4 hours of having to listen to him watch, 10 times each, the 5 songs he just sang. Then he goes into his room to upload the files, then watches them for hours there. He can never have too much of himself...