A couple of weeks before, I've started to see a psychotherapist in order to see my 'forever aloneliness' issue. On the first session, he told me that I had some sort of selective inhibition, which is, put into nice words, a specific situation shyness. I thought: Shit, I can't accept the fact that I'm just a shy guy with no control whatsoever on my actions. And that hammered my head until the next session.
There, I told him that I was on a quest to gain my own balls. That is, I was trying to be more independent, doing what I wanted when I wanted. I rambled on for about one hour, and he connected the dots between the first and the second session. He then told me that all of my unhapiness seemed to be coming from the fact that I believed that I had to fulfill what I expected that others expected of me. When I didn't fulfilled that, I went on to beat myself up, again and again.
He then left me with this question: If what I wanted was to be what others wanted me to be, then who I wanted to be?
This question made me experience new things in the last weeks, which I can say that have been enlightening. My point is: The question left by my psychotherapist strikes at a very important issue: My personality. See, for a good time now, I've settled for INFP. Even thought it is a personality type, not a personality, I was pretty sure that these four letters described who I was.
And people told me I've changed. I feel that I've changed. The funny is that even after all these experiences I've been through, I still feel that I'm an INFP.
And yet, I can't relate at all with the INFP stereotype. I can't relate to any of you guys. I don't get you people.