[Herp]

A couple of weeks before, I've started to see a psychotherapist in order to see my 'forever aloneliness' issue. On the first session, he told me that I had some sort of selective inhibition, which is, put into nice words, a specific situation shyness. I thought: Shit, I can't accept the fact that I'm just a shy guy with no control whatsoever on my actions. And that hammered my head until the next session.

There, I told him that I was on a quest to gain my own balls. That is, I was trying to be more independent, doing what I wanted when I wanted. I rambled on for about one hour, and he connected the dots between the first and the second session. He then told me that all of my unhapiness seemed to be coming from the fact that I believed that I had to fulfill what I expected that others expected of me. When I didn't fulfilled that, I went on to beat myself up, again and again.



He then left me with this question: If what I wanted was to be what others wanted me to be, then who I wanted to be?

This question made me experience new things in the last weeks, which I can say that have been enlightening. My point is: The question left by my psychotherapist strikes at a very important issue: My personality. See, for a good time now, I've settled for INFP. Even thought it is a personality type, not a personality, I was pretty sure that these four letters described who I was.

And people told me I've changed. I feel that I've changed. The funny is that even after all these experiences I've been through, I still feel that I'm an INFP.

And yet, I can't relate at all with the INFP stereotype. I can't relate to any of you guys. I don't get you people.

[SoftBoiledLife]

Dear "Jane,"


I am SO going to get over you. No, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself, at the image in my head, and at circumstance. Yes, I was aware you were flirting with me practically all of last year. The problem was I was spending that whole year grappling with my depression! If you'd like to know, to me, you were always that cute, smart girl with good values. But sadly, you were nothing more as long as I had too much on my plate to handle. But when I started learning a bit about you and actually noticing you, you started giving up. I noticed the last few times when you started deliberately avoiding being around me. Yeah, I get it! You want to get over me. I was initially kind of mad when it occurred to me you only talked to me when you were interested in me. I felt like I was part of some meat market. But then I had to eventually grow up and realize we don't talk that much because we always hang out in completely different circles of friends! (Damn cliques…)


Again, I don't hold anything against you. I'm just mad at that damn image I have of you in my head. Thankfully it hasn't grown into a full-blown crush! Even though I’m an ISTJ, I too know how to fantasize. Even though I’ve contemplated being with you, now that I think about it, I like the way things are. I've met some awesome friends, I'm still getting to know my friends from last year, and I'm achieving new heights. I still have a lot of personal obstacles and issues to overcome. But...know this. If it's in God's will, and if it's true you're a strong Christian...I’ll make an effort not to squander any chances to get to know you better if we end up hanging out together in the future. I don't know whether you're an INFP, but your compatibility with your ENFP friend leaves me thinking there's a small chance you could be. If it's the case you're an INFP, and if I ever find myself being around you a lot, you can bet I'll be visiting the INFP threads a lot for advice!!


Your ENFP friend, BTW, is trying to reconcile with me. But I keep running into weird circumstances along the way. I'd like to say that it's possible for me to fit in nicely with your circle of friends, but honestly, I've tried that, and I’m not reopening that door. Ever. As I’ve learned in life, birds of feather flock together. People at our school are really selective! That’s why I’m not keeping my hopes up too high of being around you in the future. God’s will be done, I won’t be angry or discontent if our paths never cross.


Sincerely,


SBL

[Diamondeyes]

aww I know how you feel! I'm happy my mom and my friends get along, but sometimes they gang up on me and nag me about stupid stuff - I HATE that. It's so disloyal and unfair.



....but I came here today to rant because I'm reading this book with this one sports-coach character who's all about competition, and no excuses, and constantly belittling people's accomplishments and goading their pride because he thinks it'll make them improve - and it makes me SICK and Angry! I Hate people like that!

I coach gymnastics & my boss is like that. She's crazy. She'll shout at the kids, puts pressure on them, gives me & them unrealistic goals. She fails to see or believe that not every kid is meant to do gymnastics and everyone has their level and is going to plateau at some point. Some of our best tumblers moved to another club so the ones where left with in the top squad, she's putting pressure on them, telling them they've gotta beat the ones who left; "We'll show them" she says. But no! You shouldn't be putting pressure on them like that. They won't beat the ones whose left. Well all bar one they could. But I don't like the way she coaches & pushes the kids!!
She says, well the parents pay for them to come so they've gotta win!! Ye but you can't expect to win just cos you've paid fees. My mum paid for me & my sister to go to gym for 12-15 years! All she said was; as long as you have fun...

[Jingo]

Please never get tired of me.

[rbt]

Nothing like hitting it off with a girl at a party, having a little fun, getting her number and then finding out the next morning she has a boyfriend. And the icing on the cake, was bragging about it to her friends at said party 2 minutes before we met. I just can't catch a break these days

[Hotspur]

Plenty of sleep. Brain not working yet. Coffee brewing. Need coffee today.

[Lunar Eclipse]

Like while I was reading this I just remembered that I forgot to pack the dessert I'd promised to pack for my husband in his lunch, and with this sick attitude of that character permeating my mind and hovering over me I felt a moment of utter panic at the thought of disappointing him because of my forgetfullness, and felt like this stupid little thing I just forgot is gonna be one more straw on the camel's back and who knows if it might be the one that'll make him stop loving me

I still do sometimes think that men I date, there is a list of things I "do wrong" and once that list gets long enough, I am out of the picture...and these are aren't major things like infidelity but like not putting my shoes away, not being perfect and him getting angry with me, etc." I think for me it comes down to trust, will this person love me even though I have faults? Damn perfectionism!

[ii V I]

I awoke today with drunken texts from my good friend.
Apparently, I'm not there for her...even though I'm the only person who is always there for her.
It's just because I've been slightly reclusive lately, but seriously she is just making things up in her head.
My feelings have never changed. I can't always be the greatest friend ever, because when I'm out of it I need time to myself.
Am I not allowed that? Do I not get to be flawed?

Sometimes I feel like she has this built-up image of who I am, which I can not always live up to.

[Lunar Eclipse]

Do you know what the worst part (IMO) of having any type of mental illness caused by childhood trauma....not the medication which sometimes leaves me calling salami lasagana or rubber bands envelopes, or wondering why they would ban antelopes (not cantelopes)! (lol)

Is that people who have never experienced it, they can read about, they can logically take it in...but when you are exhibiting symptoms they can't equate the two.

Insecurity, pushing people away, not trusting, great mood one day, down (I mean down down, not getting out of bed down) the next, being a bitch when you are not a bitch at all but a very kind and gentle person ... (I know any person can experience this, but it is frequency that is a factor).

Medication and therapy help, but it doesn't prevent me from ever exhibiting any symptoms ... it doesn't make me not have my mood swings or overreacting, or having extreme difficulty maintaining relationships, sadness, guilt, feeling defective, I am learning to control some of it, but I am not perfect.

Family, friends, potential boyfriends, they can't put two and two together. I am just about ready to give up on the whole relationship thing and I sometimes equate myself with Jeannie in in the old sit com "I Dream of Jeannie"

I always loved the inside of her bottle, sometimes that is where I want to be ... safe and secure, isolated, no one can hurt me. And if someone take off the stopper I can just disapper into a cloud of smoke.

Lunar.

[Sliver]

My uncle and his superficial, materialistic ways makes me sick.

It's Canadian thanksgiving this weekend, and my family had a get-together. I was discussing with my relatives how I thought I finally decided what I want to do with my life: become a high school teacher. I then asked my cousin, who's the same age, if she's decided yet.

Before she has the chance to respond, my uncle (a rich stockbroker) butts in and looks at her, saying "You're gonna do something that makes GOOD money, right?"

She was clearly unhappy/embarrassed.


I'd hate to have such controlling parents. I'm also a little bit peeved that he would make such a rude comment. I'm not concerned about the money - I want a job without excessive stress and takes place in an environment I feel comfortable.

What's the point of living if you have to slave over something you hate doing for the majority of it?