[blu]

I was thinking about INFPs and loneliness today...

[One4YesTwo4No]

I'm only lonely when I think about it. Thanks, haha.

[LQ9]

This is the INFP forum! We're all lonely!

Hurray...!

[Alexz]

This is the INFP forum! We're all lonely!

Hurray...!

[Runvardh]

Why? Got a cure?

[infpblog]

Occasionally, yes. And for those of you who think that after you've found your soulmate and have been married for ages that you won't ever get lonely again, you are in for a surprise.

My wife and I have discussions on the nature of loneliness and basically, it comes from a disconnect with other people. And since people change including your spouse, it doesn't mean that because you've felt connected for years that a disconnection won't happen. Long-term relationships are about personal growth which may cause disconnect if your significant other isn't growing. It's a continual cycle of disconnect and reconnecting.

Loneliness isn't about meeting the right person who gets you. Because you continually change. I think loneliness is about not letting yourself be seen.

I wrote 2 very long posts on the nature of loneliness. Why We Feel Lonely, Part 1 and Part 2

I haven't wrote Part 3 yet which is the most important part because I've been trying to process it for the last several months. It has to do with vulnerability and not letting ourselves be seen. It has to do with authenticity. I don't think you can let yourself truly been seen to some and not others. It's an all or nothing state which leaves you vulnerable. But without that vulnerability there will always be this wall between ourselves and others. It's this wall that keeps INFPs lonely.

My wife and I have been married 15 years and that vulnerability is hard to achieve. Even the most innocuous statements can hurt even if they weren't meant to. Just because you're married doesn't mean your walls are automatically dropped all the time. Everyone has issues. Everyone needs validation in some form. Keeping open communication is work and doesn't come naturally for introverts, especially with things you disagree on. You have to be willing to be hurt to not be lonely.

[rbt]

voted often, probably doesn't help I'm rather drunk and just walked home a old/current crush home after a party. Such is my life, yay being the nice guy.

[Dream Beamer]

I don't think so, I feel like I'm my own best friend and don't mind hanging out at random places by myself.

[goldentryst]

Instead of the word lonely I prefer solitude ~ (:
So no. Even though when I'm with people I am comfortable with I can have lots of fun and be loud, I generally prefer to be on my own and do things of my own interest with no one coming in between.

[starflower]

I prefer to be alone, which I rarely get. I have lots of shallow friendships. But I do long for a close friend - someone I really connect with. Someone who really connects with me. I feel very lonely often, wishing for such a deep friendship I will probably never have. Especially lately, going through some things, and realizing I have no one to turn to to help me through. And what I wouldn't give to be able to do the same for someone else.