[caramel]

Hey guys! After being a chronic longtime lurker on this site I finally decided to join today and become better at contributing. Due to personal experience and observation, I find it a bit challenging to maintain friendships. For the most part my peers do not seem to be interested in the same hobbies or subjects that I am. I am 20 years old and in college, so as you can imagine the people around me are mainly partiers. For a while I tried the party scene just to fit in and make friends, but I eventually found it to be a waste of time. It just seemed so empty. Also, the friends I ended up making were not very good ones and it often times felt like I was being taken advantage of by them. Today I feel a bit lonely thinking back about my entire college experience. I have friends but I find only like 3 of them here are good ones. What are your experiences in this field?

[brendog10]

as far as friends go.I have tons of them. I have had the same group of friends since kindergarden so that I'm sure helps. Friends that I make outside of that group tend to be people who need a listener in their lives. Sometimes because they are going through something others because they are mildly narcissistic.

I have found that if I let myself judge friends by my standards no one ever seems to measures up with the exception of a few. Not to say you shouldn't be selective with your friends but don't be to quick to drop friends for not being "good ones" I've had a lot of friends who I thought were bad friends and bad people only to see later on that I was actually expecting to much out of them. Not saying this is you but just a thought.

As for the party scene. yeah it is pretty empty if you don't already have a large group of friends to enjoy it with. I would say if you're out to find a higher caliber of friend don't start at parties.

Have you joined any clubs at your school or sports teams? Maybe you could meet some people with similar interests as you that way.Just a though. Either way I wish you the best of luck, and sorry to hear your college experience is not as good as it could be.

[caramel]

I moved to a different state for college. I'm still good friends with a few of my old friends from high school, but I guess I was just talking about college life. I also find I tend to mostly attract narcissistic types and I have to eventually cut them from my life because I don't like the feeling of being there for a person only for them to abandon me when I need them. I tend to hold onto the toxic types for way too long because I like to reflect more on the good of a person than the bad and also use their backgrounds to make excuses for them. The clubs at my school seem intimidating cause I'm shy and the way my school is set up everyone seems to be in somewhat of a clique... I'm hoping this summer I can somehow work up the courage to go out by myself to meet people.

[Lad]

By extension, tons of CLOSE friends -- can mingle every day, or once a month, and not skip a beat.
*few basic friends -- the ones you have to do things to keep on good terms with.
*few acquaintances -- borderline forgettable.

[caramel]

Thats very true. I still talk to my best friend that I've known since I was 5 everyday and other friends from high school like a few times a month. When we all get together we always have a good time and it never feels weird.

[lirica]

Well I have only one friend who I can be with so things don't feel weird. It's quite lonely though, especially if you are able to see that person once or so a month only.

[caramel]

Do you talk to them more often than that though? Is it more important to physically see the friend and interact with them or just to have someone to talk to whether the friend is distant or not?

[NexT]

Well, us INFPs are naturally reclusive [not in a bad way!]. We don't [usually] make it a point to be friends with people. Well, at least with me... I'm not overly worried about friends, but you know, loneliness gets a small grip on even the best of us.

All in all, I believe INFPs tend to not have many friends, and just a small circle of 'true' friends.

They're all you really need in the end.

[anon]

I used to have many friends in the shallow sense, and I enjoy socializing when I really feel like it. But overall, looking back at my life in the social world, I haven't really been able to feel like I had many friends. Feeling different and lonely always took over, and in all honesty, this effected how I maintained my interactions (or the lack of) with these so-called friends. Some days, I just wish there were more people (especially newer people) to interact with, but not to actually build a connection with. However, when it comes to actual friends, I tend to lose a lot of them because they consider me as not being up to par with them, and perhaps lacking punctuality and what not. I tend to do the disappearing act a lot, without intending it, because that's just the way I am. I love my own space and freedom to indulge in my hobbies and interests, which unfortunately I am unable to share openly with a lot of my friends. I can get drained out pretty easily, because they're fast-moving in their own ways and the more I have to keep up, the more I lose myself. Loneliness is probably the key word... the feeling of being left out in something. Not being able to put a finger on what is it that my 'friends' and I are not exactly being in sync with.

So this just boils down to two type of circle of friends that I do have.

1) This first circle of friends consist of anybody that I have remained in touch with over a long period of time-- we had our ups and downs, high's and low's, and we're comfortable in each other's company. They consist of a very few people, but I value them as friends. They're both sensors and intuitives.

2) This second circle of friends are perhaps friends in the truer sense. They're the people I am absolutely sane around, and they keep me at balance, aswell as sharing my hobbies, interests and that have an appreciation and acceptance of the way in which I see and handle the world. They may not agree with me all of the time, but they're still able to maintain conversation and mirror my interests. They seem to get me to a reasonable level, and can leave me alone when I need to be.

Despite this, I tend not to meet my friends very often. Before, it used to make me feel very lonely. I'd crave for a good interaction and conversation, and admittedly-- understanding, in the sense that I don't feel like I'm weird about who I am and what I like and do. But
nowadays, I'm more grounded with my goals and I spend a lot of time away from my friends into my goals (which is a lot of work!) I'm meeting my friend this weekend, she's an INFJ, and I absolutely love her! :D We haven't met in months, so it'd be nice to spend the weekend hanging out, conversing, cooking and just chilling!

[brendog10]

Yeah I imagine INFP's are very attractive to narcissistic/histrionic types as we listen and except people pretty easily.

I know what you mean about the club thing. I too avoided them for a long time because of shyness and then time constraints. I know it sounds cliche but you never know until you try. but I definitely know what you mean. Other than that just keep at it. I rarely come across people who I genuinely enjoy the company of but I do occasionally find someone. What I'm saying is it's just a mater of time and exposure till you meet some cool people.