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This is a discussion on Identity Crisis and I think I am seriously doomed. within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by Michael82 add me to the list Me too!!! :)...
Take the plunge, move forward, DO SOMETHING. Life is pretty short and you don't have forever, man.
What do you really want to do with yours?
If it's exploring and travelling, hit the road. Never mind your parents, they aren't going to be around for the rest of your life (sadly, but that's the truth.) Do what makes you happy.
If it's research/learning/music composition, get someone who will pay you to do it. A part-time teaching job, a research position, a job at a library, grad school, anything.
Don't view money making with resentment. A job can provide the means to your dreams. The 'system' can be a neat thing if you can use it to your advantage. Lots of folks work largely to support their own lifestyles, hobbies and interests.
Dude, only you can save yourself. Do it.
Ok, I seriously want to kick your butt! lol... Just for a tiny moment, let me put my ESTJ hat on, and kick your INFP bottom. :)
I wanted to use my INFP moddle-coddling self, but I do not want to... so this is what I think, okay? It is JUST an opinion... but I think you need to see the various aspects of it.
1 - Read this. Myths-Dreams-SymbolsPlease help, what should I do?
I think I am doomed, and don't know what I should do in this so-called "Real World"...
2 - Find a way to listen to your inner voice, that is your Fi. When you follow it, it will lead to good things. However, sometimes we have to listen AGAINST this voice for a future goal, this is also okay too.
3 - Find like-minded friends, share ideas, brainstorm with each other. Keep the creativity alive. Find emotionally supportive individuals as part of your portfolio. However, do not dwell and always dump your emotions onto them, and not also be there for them either.
4 - Reconcile your own Ego with that of the Shadow. Do the following to help it along... help your identity creation to solidify?
- Who are you ? Who are you in the wide context of this world ?
- What are your values ? What won't, and will you do ? What are your ethics ?
- What are your skills ? Do you have will power as part of that skillset ?
5 - Jot down a list of "to do" and "to experience" in your life time. Basically, write down your dream list. Whenever you get an inspiration after reading something, then jot it down. In the future, you may be surprised, but you can indeed continually tie them all together. Just write them down even if you are not in a position to do something about it now. That is OKAY.
Look, why don't you see that thread for what it is, which is that, it is just mere talk and sharing of thoughts between a few individuals. We were talking about how to get out of that as well. It is indeed within our own grasp. In knowing so, and doing so, means that you have to know yourself well first. Accept yourself for who you are. We do last minute things, and we find that last minute pressure crazily fun, and creative, and is a good way to deliver results, and put pressure on much stronger creative output. Also, accept that you are a perfectionist. So what? Acknowledging this is acknowledging your self. Finding ways to best utilise yourself and get the best out of yourself is really what this life is about. Have fun with it.
Last edited by Mei; 05-18-2011 at 12:38 PM. Reason: Hat, not hate. Oops freudian slip. :P
Putting life into perspective. I am not born in the US. Nor am I born into this psychology phase of the world. If I see someone needing help, then I will help, and I will point out what seems to be the obvious to me from my bystanders' viewpoint. Okay, I am going to kick your butt... lol....
Easily bored and lose interest means that you do not hold a strong desire in knowing or doing that something, at that moment in time in your life. I have done this before too. When I found my answer and direction again, I put myself and work towards that too. When you DO, it makes sense... When it FEELS great and good, then you know that something is meant to be. Saying that, give it some context... cos it can never be "here and now", just because we want something, or we think it will happen that way. This is whereby you need to give it a big context in how the world is. Stop being in that ivory tower, but yet, do not stop dreaming. Matching the desire to that in the real world is the name of the game...For starter, yes I am easily bored and lose interest so quickly in things, and I think I can easily become that cliched "overqualified underachiever". it jeopardizes and ruins my future, just because I lose interest easily (even in my supposedly main/major interest: Music composing!), got so damn bored in details-practical "doing" part of any thing, blah blah...and this is why I'm still jobless (at age 29), living with parents who got major disappointed at me, and I'm often feeling suicidal. I even feel humanity is probably hopeless and destined to destroy themselves. of course, I might perhaps just exaggerate things because I'm currently depressed because I hate money and I don't know where/how can I start finding interest in doing things for Money.
Overqualified and underachieving? Sigh. What? You just amassed a piece of tool to set yourself a step in the ladder of Life. You are not God. So why use such dramatic words to say that you are underachieving? What exactly do you think you can do that shows you as actually achieving? If what your expectation from your parents are not what you want, then you are not underachieving. You are just not meeting their expectation of you. If you believe that your own path and desire in life is matching that of what they wanted, then this should not be a problem, surely you would not feel so bad about your current decision then, right? Any parent just want the best of their child. They have offered you some kind of tools to carve a world for yourself. It does not necessarily mean that you have to top what they had done for themselves in their life time too. I used to be like this too, cos it is the circle of life, and however, I was stupid, and I let this anger, or emotions, and went way out there to get the money, and to survive. Unfortunately, I did as whatever was said above, I used my resentment and anger to propel me, which was wrong to begin with. This broke me. I was so astute all these years only to find myself back down and breaking myself in the process. A little bit hollow, and a little bit lifeless... I think what others have said here are to help you too. There are so many wisdom on this forum in general that it does allow one to follow the path that they are destined to do too. Finding the path and your destiny IS what life is about...
Doing something and it stirs something inside of you MEANS this is a direction to your destiny.
Humanity probably have its own problems, but you cannot take care of all of it now. It is what it is. You cannot look after that or to even help it in any way, unless you yourself can look after yourself to begin with. In doing so, means knowing what makes you work best, and how best to get the most out of yourself. So what, if you cannot focus on something asap. Then CHOOSE projects which add value in your life. So what, if everyone cannot be my friends and listen to me rant, it means in my eyes, that they are the wrong type of people to be in my circle of friends. I stopped living the life for others already. You hit the nail on the head. You are indeed being so pessimistic and is displacing what your shadow (the dark side of our own soul) and verbalising this to the outer world. Be glad that this is just an internet forum, and not a job interview, cos you will shoot yourself in your own foot. I read recently that, we should not throw out our own dark side outwardly, but to keep it in context and as part of our inner self. Cos it is a moral compass and radar that we are supposed to create for ourselves during our own individual growth process. The more you throw this out, the more you won't progress to the next level, and you have not learn the art of willpower, confidence, and self esteem. Cos you yourself do not seem to value yourself, and you let these pictures be portrayed out there in the world. It just perpetuates...
Money. There are lots of ways to make money. Come on! You're a business major, and I think you are indeed letting all the other BS get to you, way too much. Supply and demand. Where is the demand? Babysitting. Buying & selling on Ebay. Importing and exporting goods, which there is a demand for. Importing and exporting woods from Indonesia. Raw materials. Creating a new and modern flats in your own country. Importing foreign foods. What are people asking for... ? Understand your own environment, keep an eye open, and then you will see opportunities, and why etc. Buying and selling flats. Loans from banks. Salary from 9 to 5 job. Credit can come from so many revenues... Money makes money. Heck, even exporting waste from Western country, recycled in China, and imported back as raw material makes a business model... You need to sit and write down all these possible money generating ideas. Even volunteering is a way to earn and learn something. Even the unethical method of doing something for charity, gets you a holiday abroad. In the UK, people do things for charity and to get others to sponsor them. Bungee jumping. Trekking abroad in Peru. Walking the Walls of China. All these are free ! (Ironically.)
To decode what you write and to make sense of it somewhat for you...Right now, my 'super' interests varied in: 2012, Ascension (& Global Ascension), The Zeitgeist Movement, Venus Project, Resource-Based Economy (RBE), astral travel & astral project, Near Death Experiences, UFOs, ET, metaphysical of existence, and the constant seek of Real Truths of this world & Universe.
Mundane daily routine things & chores & money-job-chasing don't interest me anymore, in fact, I even got disgusted at them and wish I could just be freed from this trap-limiting man-made ridiculous 'System'..
So everything what you put here is related to some kind of social aspect of civilisation in general. So good... Does your subconscious want you to do something related to human, and its life?
- Spirituality is what olden days call the modern day scientific label of "psychology". Since you have done a business degree, then I do not doubt that you believe in the Maslow's Hierarchy concept. Each person need to go through different stages of their own self growth in order to achieve a sense of fulfillment. I used to think that I did have everything, but that everything was a false sense of everything. The lower level of the model for accomodation, and safety was provided by my parents, and it was not fought for myself by me. I rejected everything in my life in order to start again from grounds up. You NEED to do this. It is a part of your own destiny. What you learn from this process is then what you need in order to build up to the next level. Some people may think that the basic standard of living is a certain level, if that is the case, then you need to make sure you top this base level in order to feel more fulfilled. It is not easy... but it is doable...
- You used the business terms and wanting to reject this money chasing world. Are you serious about rejecting everything you own? If you can SAY this, then surely, you can DO it too? I would truly recommend that you take 1 months to backpack around the world, on your own. To really truly give you a sense of self, and also a sense of survival instinct. Cos all I can see you do now is sit in your ivory tower, and reject absolutely everything. Why not set yourself a creative goal? Go away for 2 weeks. Take a set amount of money, and then see how far you can go, and try to find any resources you can to survive? You are just talking a lot of BS to me right now... You seem to not appreciate what you do have. Until you go out there and try to find ways to survive, you are never going to appreciate the opportunity that your parents gave to you. Nor will you honor them either... If I were you, and if I had the guts, I would just cut my losses and move away from home. You sounded so spoilt....you do. "Emperor Syndrome". I think if you just even go camping for 1 weekend, and find ways to cook and fend for yourself, you will feel SO much better. Cos what you did for yourself to survive is very meaningful. At least you have a roof over your head and is not begging on the street for food and money... It just sounded like you need to find your own self respect, and dignity. If you do not want what has been provided for you, then reject it all. I mean, I certainly did when I was younger. I bit the bullet, rejected my parents' inputs and went out there to find money to survive... I did not even find help from friends when I struggled. I let my ego die slowly but surely... but yet, I also became cynical too. If you were intune with yourself, you would take small steps to find out about the world at large and try to synchronises everything together that you wanted to do for yourself. Instead of regurgitating the words of Tony Robbins, who he is hated by those who have made it, cos they went through it themselves in order to be understood. Yet, go and do something, cos then it is so much more meaningful.
It is not somebody who is limiting yourself, but yourself limiting the way you view the world...
So? If you wanted to make money, then find out reasons why and what makes the music industry run. It is still a business whether you like to admit and acknowledge this or not. IF you do not want to make money from the music, then do it as a hobby. Yet, if you do want to sell your music, then find out the reasons as to what makes good sellable music. Find yourself in that niche of an industry. Will you be one of those musician that HAS talent, or will you be one of those musician who is just there for the money? Cos if you want the money, then you make what goes through your heart continuously. Yes, it is all a system, and if the system does not exist, then it is not really available for anyone to be a part of. The question, do you get into the system and make changes and do something which aligns with your own values, or do you totally reject it, and try to survive on your own?all of which unfortunately don't make any fucking money, which makes me still a hobo loser now, and I've disappointed my 'traditional' parents so much because of this...but it's sad that I don't seem to care much anymore.
I do think that it is time you left your family's home to seek your own self... You are not a loser if you do something for your Self. You are letting your own self down. If you want to make money then start a business now. Channel that energy into a new business.I always wish I could just one day pack my bag, leave all the ridiculous society and family's expectations of me to fulfill 'traditional values' blah blah that doesn't even interest me any longer,
and then just live a vagabond-lifestyle, going/traveling from one place/corner to another corner of the Planet, seeking for wonders & mysteries, talking with another human beings, sharing perspective, all for the quest for Real Truths and secrets of the world & universe.
But I don't even know why I still can only dream/wish about it, and don't seem able to just DO it?...maybe MONEY and too afraid of parents' responses are two main causes of my idleness?..shucks.
Please help, what should I do?
I think I am doomed, and don't know what I should do in this so-called "Real World"...
Maybe it is time that you stood up for yourself, and then tell your parents the plan. Cos you said before that you told them of your plans, and your father gave you an option of a project far away from home to get a sense of responsibility. Do you realise why he wants you to do that? Cos he recognises your need to flee the nest. If you do not even go for this opportunity, then it is your own fault. Just DO it ! So what, even if you fail? You will learn along the way what makes or breaks a project. When you are out there, I bet you that you will find another experience and it will give you another context to see the world at large. While you are also out there, why not try and talk to many people as you can about their own lives, and see if they also had the same opportunities as you? In fact, make it an absolute point to visit some slums, just to give you some kind of perspectives about poverty, and how people can become homeless. Maybe this will give you a real life perspective when you ever run a business. If you have this in your memory bank, then this will allow you to forever be a better business owner or people person.
I think you talk a lot of BS even more than me when I was your age...You sound way too selfish even to an INFP like me...
There are so many questions floating through your mind... you should indeed find the true answers from the world. Not just from books. The best things I learnt in life are meeting homeless people. Who have lost their own ways, and lost their mortgages, and forget about their loved ones. People who fought for idealisms, for their countries, only to come back as lost souls. But in reality, they probably went to escape from something.
If you think that it is all about money.. then give some away !.... I mean this seriously. Find a homeless person, sit down with them and chat with them for a while. Offer them dinner too. Or even better, sit with them and keep them company. Nobody can stop you from doing that. You will be so surprised.
Ugh, money sucks. The world would be a much better and more interesting place if everything didn't revolve around getting enough money to survive. But anyway, I've seen a lot of your posts on here niki and honestly I think it would be great for you to go off on your own. Be a vagabond! I think you've spent enough time measuring yourself by everyone else's standards and it would do you a world of good to get away for a while and live on your own terms. At the very least it would give you an adventure and some time to get your thoughts together away from the glare of traditional society. There's so much emphasis in society on settling down and finding some stability, but right now it seems as if the the most stable thing in your life is your discontent with living it according to traditional standards. So shakes things up. I can't tell you how many times I've heard older people say they wished they had done more in their youth before settling down. And all the people I know of who did take risks and go off the beaten path in their youth, even the ones who had to sacrifice security never regret having those experiences.
Or just watch a trailer or the bar scene, it'll probably spark your interest, it's quite wise: youtube. com/watch?v=gAAedFnvnP0 (forum won't allow to embed it here 'cause of number of my posts). Great movie for INFPs who think about escaping from "society", probably will make them to think a bit more.
Try to answer this question-- whom exactly you will be talking to and sharing perspectives with during you wanderings?
People everywhere be it in China, Japan, America, Chile etc. are basically the same and preoccupied with their common concerns and everyday chores like in the place you're now in (whatever the place is).
Most of them won't have time of the day for you and will be busy will their own lives doing their thing.
What mysteries are you going to look for there? You can start looking for them now in your place, with the same rate of success!
PS. he met hippies in that movie and as you see the way they interact, it's a notion he has gone too far.
How can I write what I do, go travelling, experience life, and do spontaneous things, and yet hold down a job, and see family, and let me self grow? What Niki have mentioned are things I went through my mind and my life too even when I was in my 20s. I don't get this American "see a psychologist" culture. In the UK, we openly talk about these kind of issues with friends, and we grow and learn. Just go and do it. Even if it means getting stranded on the top of a hill for the weekend to test your own survival instincts....
Just because people settle down to a routine, does not mean they stop growing...
I know it can be hard stuck in a rut living a life you hate around people who don't understand you.
If you are really wanting to live a life exploring the world and learning about different cultures and such, there are a lot of ways to do it, but most you cannot just leave into, as sucky as that is.
What I would do if I was in your position is start saving every bit of money you have, when you get a fair amount saved, go somewhere new. Once you get there you will have to find odd jobs and such, but when the small jobs are gone, and you are bored, move on.
Another way to experience the world is through the Peace Corps. You have to have a college education to join however.
I had a teacher, who I am guessing to be INFJ who quit her teaching job and joined, and she gets to go all over the world and see different cultures. This still has a structure that you have to follow however.
I think the thing to be aware of is that you will most likely be alone almost all of the time. You don't tend to create strong relationships if you aren't somewhere for any length of time. Maybe this means you need to find someone that wants to do exactly what you do, that you get along really well with. That way you have someone to travel with, and talk with, that speaks your language, and understands who you are as a person.
Just my thoughts.
The answers are within. Don't worry. It is with you now in this moment, even if you don't know it. There is much more to who we are than we think.
A great Zen Buddhist Master named Dogen set out as a young man to China from Japan to reach awakening and enlightenment. Both his parents had died, and he was so mixed up internally that he just felt he had to find the great Masters of China to get him his answer. But when he got there, he went from teacher to teacher, each more disappointing than the one before. It was at the moment that he lost all hope, and went to one last teacher, did he reach awakening. After this he became a very, very positive influence on the rest of the world, and he wrote some of the greatest prose and poetry the world has ever seen. He lived a simple life, and his kindness, wisdom, and sensitivity was well-known throughout all of Japan.
Remember how he went to China to reach enlightenment? Well, check out what he said, years later....
"Do not travel far to other dusty lands, forsaking your own sitting place; if you cannot find the truth where you are now, you will never find it."
Your own unique expression and light lies within you. The darkness lies within as well, and the confusion of the two is what can make us panic and feel worthless -- it obscures our vision. But beyond happy and sad, beyond doomed and not doomed, beyond panicking and not panicking, lies your true nature. It is here in this moment, just as it is. I would suggest practicing zazen. Even 5 minutes a day does wonders. Every human being, no matter how small or tall or happy or sad or rich or poor, can do it. Zazen does not lead to enlightenment, it is in itself enlightenment. People say, "there is enlightenment" or "there is no enlightenment" -- but either one does not matter. Life becomes much clearer when we sit and observe. It is nearly impossible to enjoy life with a fully judging mind, and this is what depression leads to (I am going through this at the very moment as well). So it is good to cultivate an undivided, dancing, and authentic mind.
Here is my recommendation video (if you can understand his words ) and I hope the very best.
I had another thought on this.... With regard to all of your interests and not knowing what you really want, even music.... I have the same problem. I can't narrow it down and focus very well, and none of my interests are a "job" waiting to happen. If I was going to do something with them, it'd be very much some path I create for myself that probably likely hasn't really been done before. I don't know what that is, and it's really hard to work out.
That's one reason I was so happy for you with your music!!! It's like you knew what you want to do, but maybe needed help on the business side of things. That's so manageable! Sounds so easy!! (I know nothing is easy, but at least there's a clear goal which you can work for and you know what you want....75% of the battle). Now that you're having doubts about music, I wonder if you should consider doing something WITH your music, where it's a part of what you do, but not the only focus. But really I don't think that's the problem...If you go for music and keep up with your other interests, it will naturally evolve in other directions. Another option could be that you are afraid to pursue music truly, and therefore your mind is saying "Oh, I didn't want to do that anyway...I have all these other interests." In my experience, and I've read this as well, our minds resist change strongly. Our minds rationalize our fear and resistance to change Very Well and can be really tricky. Other tricks in cases like this for me are depression (it can't be done because i suck) and blame (it can't be done because society sucks). Anything to keep from facing what I need to face, taking action and moving in a direction - any direction. The result is procrastination.