[lifeisanillusion]

I am curious as to if many INFPs attend twelve step fellowships or have attended them in the past. Not which ones you have or haven't attended, rather what was your experience in them? Were they helpful? Do you still go? etc



I went to one for about six years and then stopped attending for about a year and a half. I just recently returned to meetings. I think it was the friendships that I missed and the camraderie more than anything. I am not huge on labelling or the disease concept so much today. But I do know that it helps some people, and at one time it helped me. In some ways, I feel that it is easy to use the disease as a crutch and too not live up to your full potential, at least with some people anyway.

I don't think I will go as often as I used too, as in my absence from meetings I got reaquainted with some of the other things I used to love to do, such as cross country skiing and reading in coffee shops. Probably about one meeting a week. Balance is the key for me today.

Anyways, curious to see what others have to say on this topic. Peace and respect all.

[Krissie]

Wow, I see no one has replied. I will reply. Yes, I go to step meetings. I like them too. I originally started to go cause I have a son with alcohol problems and I wanted to understand him better. However, surprisingly, I found out I am trying to understand myself better. I like meetings, especially the AA meetings, due to their "open" sharing. This is the way I like to communicate and always will like to communicate this way. It is also like a support group in a way. I wish us INFP's had our own support group in every town. I need one!

[ethylester]

I have never been to a 12 step meeting but a friend of mine tried going to some and he did not like it because part of it involves believing in a higher power. He doesn't believe in a god or anything, so he had a hard time benefiting from the meetings. They gave him some books though, and he read those and said they helped more.

I would be curious to go to one just to see what they were like.

[Eddy Stylez]

I've attended OLGA. On Line Gamers Anonymous.

They have a website dedicated to treating/supporting Video Gaming Addicts. They have real support groups you can visit in a few select areas, and usually each week they will have a skype meeting. I got help for my World of Warcraft addiction.

They have an amazing and VERY VERY supportive community.

http://www.olganon.org

[ii V I]

I hope I'm not offending anyone, but from my experience the two times I went, it was just not my thing.
It seems like people substitute one dependency for another.
Instead of being dependent on a substance, they are now dependent on group support, and going to meetings.
Free therapy sessions are awesome, but if you're going every night...and then half of the time struggles they were going through were related to how "tough" it was missing a meeting...cult much?
By my first meeting they had me believing that I was indeed an addict...
Then when that hour is up the majority of them hug and rush outside for that much needed cigarette... Irony much?
I don't even smoke, I may have a cigarette occasionally, but not everyday, not even every week.
Then by the second meeting I kind of saw through it, there was this whole overtone, of "oh, if you're not an addict you couldn't possibly relate..."
Well, guess what group... I use drugs most days, I switch it up, but still I do. I would never cross some of the lines I heard these people cross. I would never beat my wife, Fuck over my friends and family, lie, cheat, and steal to get a fix... If I was going through withdrawal I would deal with it. (you can thank my inner value system for that) It's like a massive perpetuation of not accepting the consequences you have dealt yourself. At some point you have to look at yourself and stop blaming external things, addict is just another excuse to move what is an internal problem unto the external. I wanted to tell them it's not the drugs that are wrecking your lives, it's you guys, and you can change that as soon as you are willing to accept it.
People will go to great lengths to make what is an internal struggle seem like an external one...

[Lovely Agony]

I have been lurking around here for over a year, but it is only now that I am sufficiently inspired (and courageous) to register and reply to a post.

I believe that twelve step programs get a bum rap. Of course, there is no one way that is suited to everyone, but many suffering people have found a solution in twelve step programs. Critics point out that twelve step members are effectively substituting one dependence for another. Assuming this argument to be correct, does not it make all the difference in the world that members have experienced dependence on a substance/behavior to be harmful and destructive in their lives while dependence on the twelve step program improves the quality of life of the member, his/her family, and others who are in need of help?

Though I have long struggled with issues of faith and consider myself to be agnostic (for now), I do believe in a guiding principle of life as espoused by an Einstein quote. Twelve step programs beautifully fit with this principle:

“From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that we are here for the sake of each other - above all for those upon whose smile and well-being our own happiness depends, and also for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day I realize how much my own outer and inner life is built upon the labors of my fellow men, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.”
― Albert Einstein

[Belovodia]

Without actually going to meetings, I have used the 12 step programme for general purposes in daily life.

Although I have never had a substance addiction, I felt that the principles of the programme enhanced my
everyday affairs. I do believe in a higher power and the concept of surrending the ego to
this, however difficult it is.

[lifeisanillusion]

I have not been attending meetings since the end of June of this year. I did you to them again for over a year to give it another try and see if I felt different about the meetings. No I didn't feel different about them and it was time for me to move on. When I stopped going before, I made the decision to drink again. I didn't decide to drink again because of my so called disease of addiction or alcoholism. I drank because I wanted to get away from the twelve step fellowships and decided that drinking would allow me to break all ties to them. When I drank again, I did not go back to using drugs and my drinking was not out of control like it had been when i went to meetings for the first time.

I got a job at a treatment centre that was big on the twelves step philosophy so I decided to start attending meetings again and stopped drinking. At first I was enjoying the meetings, but slowly that started to change. I hated calling myself an addict or alcoholic and didn't believe it. To me it felt more natural to say my name and that today I choose not to drink or use. I started doing this when I was attending meetings before and many members did not like it and told me all sorts of crap that I am trying to be a super counsellor or that my message is killing people. Twelve step fellowships talk about open mindedness and like any group or organization, as long as you do things like the fellowship wants you to do, you will do okay. If you start to question things or think for yourself in a way that is contrary to what they believe, then they do not become so open minded.

So openmindedness is really giving their program a try, which is most likely different from the way you were living before and takes some open mindedness to give it a try. The moment you believe something contrary to what the fellowship believes, then they get scared and become close minded. People ultimately aren't interested in the truth or seeing things as they actually are. So if the truth goes against what you believe, then in many cases, you will do whatever it takes to not acknowledge the truth and continue with the safety of your beliefs and life. People fear finding out that something they believed in is bullshit. Because if you place all your faith or belief in something that is false or bullshit, then what does that make your life? False and bullshit. No, in most cases we just revert back to the comfort of our old beliefs.

I will be forever grateful for NA/AA because at one point it saved my life. I don't doubt that in the beginning I needed them to help me make changes. My family will be grateful to them as well for giving them their son and brother back. I would probably be dead today if the twelve step fellowships didn't exist. But today, they are not the path for me. I can't go on trying to trick myself into believing that I want to participate in them and agree with their overall philosophy because I don't. There are still many parts of it that I do believe in, but overall it is not for me anymore. To pretend otherwise, I wouldn't be true to myself. I agree mostly with the literature in the fellowships but unfortunately most people don't live by the literature. Ultimately, to me it appears that the fellowship is more important to most people than the spiritual principles of the fellowship. And in my opinion, it is the other way around.

If you need help, give them a try. It may work for you or it may not. Just know that there are other ways to live the spiritual principles the fellowship teaches. AA/NA isn't the only way. So if this offends anyone, but it is how I feel today. I can respect someone's decisions to attend meetings and will never fault anyone who does and gets something out of it. But I also ask that people respect my decision to not attend meetings.

[KindOfBlue06]

I was court ordered to attend AA meetings for a couple of years. At first, I went in with an open mind, tried not to judge, and to learn a thing or two. After about a month, I had had enough. The people there were some of the most broken depressed dependant people I had ever talked to in my whole life. I came home depressed and feeling shitty about myself.

Sure you may not be spending hours at the bar and that's great, but if you are attending 3 meetings a day every day, you really aren't helping yourself either. You are now dependent on that meeting. Not only that, but the whole mindset really got to me. The fact that the first step is that you are "powerless" over alcohol or drugs or sex or whatever it is, a weak minset to have. I'd like it a lot better if they said I am STRONGER than XYZ, not powerless. Fuck that.

The other thing is that it seemed very cult like to me. If you don't follow the steps exactly as outlined, you are looked down upon. Or, my favorite, "you are just in denial." LOL. Okay buddy... Perfect rebuttal for any argument concerning if you actually have a problem or not.

I'm sure AA works for some people, and that's good. Whatever helps them live a better life. But it is not for everyone, and certaintly not for me. It's a damn shame that the court system and the medical community promote it as the ONLY way to overcome addiction.

[Master Wolf]

I almost wish I was an alcoholic so I could go to these meetings... i think they get more success than any other group of any kind in the history of the world

edit: well who knows @KindOfBlue06 i guess maybe i am wrong, i havent attended them and only have gone to SA and NA meetings