[Stallout]

Yeah, Ive got this too. I feel deeply for people who are hurting but I can never spare more than a few encouraging words, otherwise I tend to just make them feel worse... Bums me out sometimes.

[Lad]

I consider myself very weak in terms of comforting people. I can elevate spirits, encourage them to re-invest their energy into doing something else that will make them feel better, but realistically there are many people that just want to be at peace with themselves.

Truth be told, I think many women have a natural maternal instinct which makes them literally the Queens of comforting people. For most men, we'll always pale in comparison.

[INFPJackie]

I would love to comfort people but I'm not good at showing my emotions so I don't do it often.

[pretty.Odd]

I know that INFPs are stereotyped as having high EQ's and being good at comforting people, but I personally totally suck at consoling others and I have a crappy EQ score. I mean I find it easy to know when someone is feeling sad or when they're not acting like their usual self, but when it comes to trying to help them get over a situation, hugging them, giving them advice, etc I'm bad at it all. It's not like I don't want to help them, it's the exact opposite, I DO want to help them, it's just hard to transfer my feelings and thoughts into action.

[lemonlemon]

I'm much easier about comforting someone I know really well. I can perceive and parse emotion pretty well, but softening acute distress takes almost physical boldness. Or at least, confidence in the things people usually take comfort in (like a god, or the notion of a special destiny or 'things working out in the end'). I think a lot of painful experiences are senseless and unnecessary, which makes it hard to extract a 'life lesson' from them. With close friends, I just listen, and hug them.

[refugee]

I think comforting is more than just saying the right words...it's about being with the inconsolable in their time of suffering. I'm pretty bad at giving words of comfort, but I'm pretty good at listening and being silent.

[Rather Unusual]

I usually find a vigorous back massage does the trick.

[MilkyLatte]

Comforting people isn't just about knowing what to do; it's just as much about knowing what not to do.

[Mei]

I think there is a stage in my life whereby I felt like I cannot be so honest, but once you have been so honest, then...well, you become more how to say...erm... There is an EQ hurdle, but once you are over this, then it comes fairly easily to you. This is what I find any way. Also, maybe because some of the issues, it is something I have also experienced, then it makes it easier? I find that I can comfort an N more than a S. S in my history would only come to you if they think that you went through the experience before and therefore know how to deliver the sentiment. At the same time, I find that is ludicrous, cos some of these issues can be fairly seen as obvious? Because we are INFP'er... the "ideal" picture comes to us very easily. Also, you can detect what people want, so therefore you can indeed be very direct and say what you see and feel as a bystander?

e.g.
"Is the company going bankrupt?!?!?!"
"No... cos do you remember the xyz talk given by the CEO?"
"No.."
"Well, he said. xyz...and then abc will happen, so."


My sis was confused over some of what her friend said to her about something important like being a Godmother to a child.
So I said to her, "what is it that you want, and why do you feel like xyz ?" She tells me.
Then I will say, "well, this and this cannot be true, cos he said before..this and this and this. Do you remember?"
(Just reminding her that her assumption was wrong about this person and situation.)
Then I just say, "Be honest with your words and let them know of your future plans, cos it is a child's life we're talking about. etc etc." Then I follow my idealistic diplomacy stance "if this and this is what was expected, but then you can only offer this this and this. Then let them know that you can only do this and this and this? I am sure he is more than happy, and you would happy to see the child etc."

Sis says "sometimes you are useful" (What?)

Comforting people with empathy isn't always what is needed. Maybe they needed a solution but they cannot get to the answer too? I think men can see this often than not. In fact, this is where I learnt it from ! Some guys are REALLY great listeners.

[wisdom]

Me, me, me. I feel I'm not good with words (warmth) and hugs (initiating). The best poem I ever wrote - one of the only ones I wrote - is about that.