[Iwtes]

Forgive me for the waste of space this will be for some, but at the moment I am merely another infp in need of expressing, explaining and letting go of my feelings. You don't have to read this, but thank you to those who have the patience. I just need to let this out.

Of course, what else could this be about other than love, yet I'm here to talk about it, which means it didn't turn out well. Let me just start by telling my boring story about the experience I had with her and how it ended.

I knew her and fell in love with her and wanted to grow old with her. Unfortunately, she grew a tad impatient and wanted physical affection (being an ENFP made her like that often). This led us to fool around, and her parents kept me from seeing her, threatening to contact the authorities if I ever so much as spoke to her again. Of course I loved her and wouldn't allow her highly unreasonable parents to take her from me, so we secretly kept in contact over the internet. It would only be nine months until her 18th birthday, so we could wait until then.
By four months, she tells me she wants to leave me, telling me "you have no future, you've given up on it" (and many more hurtful things I had no idea she was keeping to herself). Of course, I'm heart broken. January 26 this happened. The pain is still easing, and I'm feeling more and more okay. My problem is that I feel a jab in my chest at any news of her, no matter what it could be. I want it to stop, but I'm not sure how to make it stop.
Lucky for me, I have a very good friend I've known for 8 months, who has been my best friend and great support throughout my waiting for love and time after it was shattered. She confessed her feelings for me two days after valentines day and even exchanged some with me so I wouldn't feel the awfulness of "singles awareness day". I like her in return and feel that it can really go places if I want it to, but I still have my problem. My ex's memory still looms in my head, even with this new comfort.
Finally, I am lead to one idea, at least for now, that might help; I am going to write her a letter here. I feel more satisfied with it, knowing that there are people here to read it other than the pictures on my wall and her reactions to it in my mind.

"I loved you. Every time I said it, I meant it. I cherished the time I had with you and always wished I had more, especially in our brief moments of contact when I could no longer see you. I was willing to wait those nine long months and willing to wait longer to truly be with you without the influence of your parents. I did my best. I was loyal and faithful. There wasn't much more I could have done for you.
You are a hypocrite. I said I loved you because I meant it; you said you loved me to please me. You told me not to keep things bottled up and to tell you if there was anything that concerned me, or else I would resent you for them. You resented me for things you never told me bothered you, and you broke up with me for things you never told me. You didn't give me a chance to talk about it or work it out, you simply assumed I would hate you for them. I didn't. You and people like you preach about how people should accept you as you are... yet you get angry at us when we do something or behave a way you don't like. You get angry at me for not liking something you agree with and call me close minded... I am allowed to have a different opinion than you. You say I've said nasty and hurtful things to you... you've done exactly the same with the things you said when you broke up with me, and just because you disagree with/are bugged by something I say, doesn't make me mean.
All the times I said "I Love you", my persistence through your parents' threats, my patience to wait all that long time... meaningless.... because I disagreed with you on a couple matters.... and because you thought I would hate you for a couple things you never even told me about.
I guess it's my own fault for putting so much trust and faith into a bratty little girl... Goodbye."



Well that's my letter. I thought I might feel better, but not really. One of the things that was really bothering me today was that I accidentally learned that she now has a crush on another girl in school and wants to ask her out (I've been avoiding everything linking to her, but today was an accident. I guess I'm bothered because she is over me so quick and already shopping.... I know I have another girl now, but I wasn't shopping and had already known the girl for 8 months, and she's the one that confessed to me) Anyway..... thank you for your patience. Hopefully one of you might have some comforting words; I really hope for that.

[LittleHawk]

Thank you for giving yourself the time to write this and express yourself, especially bravely in such a public place, I always think writing down the feelings make them more 'official' and can lead a huge part in overcoming them.

From your letter its obvious you feel hurt and betrayed, but please please don't let this shape you into a victim of betrayal - because in future relationships if you enter feeling that you're already in that role, the chances of the relationship succeeding are slim. I think you need to give yourself some time to play these feelings out and instead of being somebody's boyfriend it's time to be YOU. Contrary to what society thinks there is no link between lasting happiness and relationships so there is no rule that says you can't be happy again. I know with my last ex I didn't realise just how deeply I actually felt for him or how much I missed him until about 6 months after our separation, and this was because straight after splitting up I detached myself from all of the feelings and said 'I'm fine'.

So give yourself the time to overcome it, for some people it does take a long time, not necessarily a long time of PAIN but for an old thought process to wear itself out and a much healthier one to begin. I also think if I was in your situation regarding the friend I'd leave things as they are for now, i dont think it would be fair to either of you to commit to anything when you still have somebody else claiming your heart and feelings. Of course this is my perspective, go with what feels right for you, and good luck :) x

[Lokkye]

Well. I feel for you.
I once had feelings for someone that was unreciprocated and unrequited
More than once actually. But there was one really major one where the person really acted like they did have feelings for me.
And I've never felt worse ever since, because I never really felt like I ever had a friend.
I still don't feel like I have any friends, but it's my choice now, I've decided to isolate and alienate myself from everyone. Because I don't feel like I really connect with anyone anymore and I feel that no one ever understood me.
But enough about me. That's really nice of you writing out that letter. But my advice for you, don't ever (and I mean ever) go for a rebound. Because when you started liking your friend it was only because she was there. And you just felt hurt from your past with the other girl. And since she didn't show you love. What do you long for? That love that you didn't get from that other girl, and you think that love manifests itself on your friend when in reality it's like just left-over feelings. Who knows, it might not have been, but you wouldn't know when your head isn't clear and you're still thinking about your past love.
If you really want something to last with someone. The best thing to do is wait. Wait until you've settled down and wait until you're fine with who you are, fine being by yourself
Hey, V-Day passed and I was single, I didn't really get all depressed during that day. Heck, it was just like any other day for me.
But hey, people get betrayed all the time, just so you know you're not alone. Sorry if I'm making it sound like you're a statistic, that's not my intention at all. I just want to say, you're not alone. And women are fickle beings I tell you. And since she's at that age she's more likely to experiment with her sexuality and everything (this is more characteristic of a P really).
But hey, get over her :)
I know it sounds stupid, but if it's not meant to work out, it's not meant to work out. I bet someone out there will see you for the truly amazing guy you are. Don't let this guide how you feel. Learn from it, and make yourself a better person.
Love yourself more
You deserve it more than any other ruthless, heartless bitches out there.
Hope I helped :P

[abster]

breakups r always hard. Its better to vent it out rather than keep it to urself so good on ya. When u have a break up with someone it feels like you are so angry at the person but at the same time you still care for them. Its hard to let go of significant relationships but what i've done in the past to cope is to 'care from a distance' and 'make myself number one in my life'. This means i still care about an ex but to me they are adults they are capable of moving on with their own lives just as i am. It hurt like hell distancing myself from exes, but i feel after a break up its something i need to do for myself. So write a letter, take some time for urself, vent, cry, get angry, talk a lot but dont forget u also have a life to live and if it didnt work out its for a very good reason. Ive learned a lot from past relationships and feel im a better gf to my partner now compared to my past relationships. Take care.

[Mandi]

I agree with what everyone else has said and more. You're not alone (heck, I've recently come out of a two year relationship and two weeks later, the guy has another girlfriend already) and this has happened for a reason. Don't go rushing in to anything, just take your time, allow yourself to vent vent vent. Cry until you can't cry no more, bitch to your friends or even bitch here! It feels damn good to voice out what you feel!

But at the same time, don't forget the rest of your life. Go out, have fun and it may seem impossible now, but you'll soon find, that at any random moment, you've gotten over her and you didn't even realise it.

Try not to be too hard on yourself, or even to her, feelings change and people change, just take this in, realise the good in this, try to find what experiance it has given you - what you have learnt and bring it with you to the next relationship, knowing more about what you want from it and the kind of person you want to be with.

Look at it this way... now you see what a 'bratty little girl' she can be... is it really someone you want to be with? If they could hurt you like this, do you really want to be with them? Love, real love, does not hurt nor pick out flaws, it takes them in and loves them - now you have a chance to move on and find that real love.

[Lad]

I hate being a quote whore and prefer the more personal approach, but here's a long extended quote I read somewhere that may be of interest to you.

The best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being. The best part of loving is not wishing that the person who you love will loves you more than you do but feeling that you love the person far more than you think you could..

Sometimes you stop loving someone, not because the person started hating you, but because we found out that they will be happier if we let go. To let go of someone doesn’t mean you have to stop loving, it only means you allow the person to find their own happiness without expecting them to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger that is kept within your heart. Do not let bitterness wear away your strength and weaken your resolve. Never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in hearing it.. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past, but real peace and happiness comes only with open acceptances of what reality is today. You don’t have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

Don’t let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for its self. Listen not only to your feelings but to the reasons as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. We are supposted to meet people that are wrong for us so that when we finally meet good one we will know how to be grateful. If you lose love, that doesn’t mean that you failed in love. Cry if you love to, but make it sure the tears have washed away the hurt and the bitterness that the past left with you. But remember no one is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't ever let you cry.

Never frown because you don't know who will fall in love with your smile.

From everything you mentioned, you sound like a tremendous guy and that's how you have to perceive things, really. You did everything you could, you have many things to be proud of, now it's all about finding someone... someday... that will fully appreciate that, and maybe, you already have.

[Iwtes]

Those are some very mature things to do in that quote. Maybe I could do some, but it would take a bigger man than I to do all of that. Still, thank you for sharing. I suppose it's something I could strive for.

I"m not worried about finding my future though, just letting go of the past.

[CanadianKangaroo]

I wrote a letter to my ex because I basically wasn't moving on. After that I removed her from facebook and MSN, as well as cut off all ties. I have no idea what she's doing now and thats better for me. I could paste it for you, but I think our circumstances are a little different (although my ex wronged me too). I would say the best thing to do after reading your letter is not to send that one. The reason you don't feel good about it is because there is a lot of hate written in it. And from my experience, hating someone doesn't remove them from your life it ingrains them in it.

I would say re-write it, wishing her all the best and say why you are cutting ties. You will feel better after and will have left on a high note. But that may just be me, if you'd like to read my letter i'd be happy to show it to you.

Good luck, also this girl that likes you... Don't take her for granted. I know a lot of people on here are worried about you "rebounding" but I'd say just don't treat it like one. Take it slow, get to know her better and find out if you really do like her that way.

Good luck! :)

[Iwtes]

I wrote a letter to my ex because I basically wasn't moving on. After that I removed her from facebook and MSN, as well as cut off all ties. I have no idea what she's doing now and thats better for me. I could paste it for you, but I think our circumstances are a little different (although my ex wronged me too). I would say the best thing to do after reading your letter is not to send that one. The reason you don't feel good about it is because there is a lot of hate written in it. And from my experience, hating someone doesn't remove them from your life it ingrains them in it.

I would say re-write it, wishing her all the best and say why you are cutting ties. You will feel better after and will have left on a high note. But that may just be me, if you'd like to read my letter i'd be happy to show it to you.

Good luck, also this girl that likes you... Don't take her for granted. I know a lot of people on here are worried about you "rebounding" but I'd say just don't treat it like one. Take it slow, get to know her better and find out if you really do like her that way.

Good luck! :)

I don't intend on sending the letter or any letter at all to her. My last words to her had the effect of "I hope you have a happy life". This is just all the leftover anger I've been having. I don't want to talk to her; I'd just prefer to forget and move on.

Yeah, my friend that likes me. She knows what I've been going though and has been helping me and being there for me, even before my ex left me. I don't take her for granted, and she knows to take it slower for my sake.

Anyway, thank you for your comments; they are appreciated.

[Mei]

Thanks for sharing with us, as I do understand how personal and raw this could be.
But, remember one thing though, don't be too harsh. You guys are still young, without the necessarily knowledge, and understanding of each other yet. So... a lot of things said, and done are not necessarily deliberate and intentionally to hurt, but it is how one's emotions control the actions.

If I have learnt anything during my 20s, and teens, it is that, once something is said, you cannot take it back, even though it feels great then. It makes you feel bad later on. I think as an INFP, I did that badly... and I didn't believe in it. When you are out of the emotive stage, and go into some reflection, it does make sense. It isn't necessary to exhibit your feelings so strongly.