[Latoslapise]

well being the loner I'm I really have to have my personal space, but as for touch I feel I have to agree with the sentiment of that it depends on the feelings/vibes I get from the individual.

[rogosk]

I flinch all the time...

[Aelthwyn]

Well I'm going to be the wierdo here. I've always had a ridiculously small personal space zone. Well, actually my mom says that as a baby I didn't like to be touched, but that my favorite Aunt was determined that I needed to be huged and held tight, so she did, and encouraged my mom to, and now they have succeeded in creating a monster. I swear sometimes I almost feel like a vampire feeding off the energy of the people I touch. I can feel it, the energy, like I'm drawing energy into me, lol, I get this little boost from hugging people and sometimes I can't help but bounce afterwards.

I am suuuuuuper touchy with people I am close to. My mom and I always were very cuddley, always walking with our arms round eachother, always sharing the sofa to read, etc. I have an impulse to be this way with my friends, and I would immagine that a lot of people would assume that we were lesbians or something when I'm with the friends who are also very touchy. We don't mean it that way at all though.

I don't mind being shoulder to shoulder in a crowd. I love being jammed together in the back seat of a car. I love having people presisng in all around me - as long as I don't actually have to talk to them. Interacting with people is draining, but touching them generally doesn't bother me. I also have this thing with hair - I'm always wanting to play with people's hair even when I don't know them. Of course I don't because they would be incredibly wierded out. I think a lot of it is just feeling general affection for people - at least those that seem to be nice people. (I also have moments where I look at the human race and am utterly repelled like they are a bunch of ants swarming....but then I can easily switch to feeling such warmth toward everyone I want to give the whole world a hug, heh)

However, I also know what you mean:

I have the ability to feel it. I can't explain it but people give off some kind of energy that I can feel. Good people give off one kind of feeling and people that are bad give off another kind of feeling. I had this even as a child but am just now understanding why some people make me sick. I have not met any other person that understands what it is. But it always turns out to be correct.

My mom says that as a child I would tell her that random people we passed were either good or bad. I don't remember this, but I still get those feelings, and I stay away from the bad people.

I can sense if people are someone I want to get close to or not. Sometimes, I just get a bad feeling around certain people and can tell it's not the type of person I want in my life.

I can also just tell if I'm going to get along well with someone or not, so I generally don't get close to the people I can sense that I have nothing in common with. But I wouldn't necessarily dislike it if they touched me. If I sense that they are a decent person, even if different from me, I am generally willing to show affection even to strangers - particularly if they need comforting.

Certain people will give me a dirty feeling though, or a negative vibe, almost like a sting or being zaped by static when they do touch me and I will flinch away, but generally I never get close enough to those types of people in the first place so they never do touch me.

Where I do have personal space is: I don't like people touching my face - I hated it when my mom would do that, my husband is the only person I haven't minded this with. And I've never liked holding or shaking hands....for some reason it just feels yucky. I always try to avoid being in a position where I will be expected to shake someone's hand when I meet them. Some people's hands are ok, but a lot of times I really don't enjoy it. However, I have trained myself to give a firm handshake so that they don't know I'm cringing inside. Sometimes I think people are actually surprised at my handshake because looking at me they'd expect me to be limp and retiring, and then I give them this strong wirey grip, heh. I think I sort of channel a hug into the handshake, at least I hope people know that I genuinely care, in spite of my wierd aversion to touching hands. I also dislike tall people who have a commanding presence standing over me - they tend to lean in and it feels kind of scary - even if they aren't being mean or anything, it still feels like they are looming over me and I don't enjoy having to look up their nose. It's better when tall people stand a little farther away so our gaze can meet without me having to cock my head back awkwardly.

I also have personal space with some of my things. I don't really mind people poking around most of my stuff, but I do mind them making themselves at home on my pillows and using my computer and a few other things. Part of this though, is because I am very sensitive to smell and I hate when my things smell like other people after they've left - it's distracting. The funny thing is, I've never liked people touching my pillow but I used to share swimsuits and underwear with my friends when we had an impromtu sleepover.

To people who don't know me I think I don't come off as very touchy though because I am always hyper sensitive about other people not wanting to be touched. I tend to have to really hold back my natural drive to show affection to people I am physically close to but don't know well, like aquaintances that look like they need a hug, or new friends that I don't know well yet. I love sitting close to people and putting my arm around them and all that. I often have an urge to give back rubs, or put my hand on someone's shoulder as I pass by them. But then I am also afraid of invading their space, so I tend to overstress about who it's really okay to touch and may not show affection when someone actually does want it. I generally don't give hugs unless I know the other person is okay with it. I also tend to hang back from giving hugs because I like to give real hugs, close with a tight squeeze, and I'm afraid others will read more into it than I mean. Among people who know me I am "the bone crusher" the one who evokes strangled gurgling noises before I let you loose, lol. And I also tend to give prolonged cuddle/hanging on you hugs. I don't stand away and lean in briefly, I step close and hold you to me. Sometimes I fear people may read this as being desperate..., although given the ammount of affection I have generally been used to you could hardly say I'm deprived - I just love it so much! heh. I also have this tendancy to "toe hug" as I call it. Inevitably when I hug people I end up resting my toes on top of theirs - I don't actually put pressure on them...but....yes, much too close for most people's comfort. So I shyly keep my distance waiting for cues that it's okay to hug people or be close to them. If someone initiates though I'm all cuddles - unless of course I sense they are not kind and honnest - then I'll go ridgid.

One of my pet peeves is what I call the "airy-fairy hug". Girls do this a lot, where they put their arms around the other person but don't actually touch them at all, or barely - as if trying to hug someone 5 times as large, and then they flutter their hands in a little pat behind the back, which also doesn't necessarily touch. In that case I think what's the point? If you don't really want to hug then just don't. So if you reach to hug me, be warned you will be huged thoroughly

[ethylester]

With strangers, yeah. I don't want people I don't know standing really close to me. I guess I also have a bit of an issue with family members getting too close to me. It makes me uncomfortable, like they are expecting something from me that I can't give them. HOWEVER, with friends, I am not like this. I like for friends to be close to me. Like when we might all have to pile in the backseat together, or if we're all sitting on the couch scrunched in together, I think that's really fun. But put me in an elevator with a bunch of strangers, no thanks. I think I'd suffocate.

[ethylester]

Aelthwyn, you almost said exactly what I was trying to say with my comment. I should have read yours first! The whole face-touching thing is definitely an issue with me too. I hate people touching my face, but I love being touched on the shoulder, the back, the arm. I don't have issues with hands, I like shaking hands. And I totally know what you mean about the airy fairy hug! I hate that too. If someone is giving me a hug, I want a HUG dammit!

It's weird because I can't stand touching my mother. She hugs me or tries to touch me and it's like fire, I can't stand it, I can't breathe, it's like being smothered! I have no problem with my dad, though. I think it's issues with trust. I trust most people, therefore it doesn't bother me to be touched. People who I don't trust or who I think have ulterior motives, I don't want them touching me. Like if they are expecting more from me than I can give (mom). My mom ALWAYS complains that I hug badly. She'll balk "You call THAT a hug??!?!" and then she'll hug me tighter and not let me go until I put more effort into it. Or she'll tell me I need to hug her with TWO arms and won't let me go until I put my other arm up there. I feel so violated by this. It's humiliating. But when people don't expect anything from my touch, then I can freely do it. And I enjoy it. :)