[INFP] How do you get over someone who has treated you like dirt?

How do you get over someone who has treated you like dirt?

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This is a discussion on How do you get over someone who has treated you like dirt? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; As obnoxious and obvious as this one sounds...I'm having trouble getting over someone that has really toyed with me emotionally. ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    How do you get over someone who has treated you like dirt?

    As obnoxious and obvious as this one sounds...I'm having trouble getting over someone that has really toyed with me emotionally. He is ESTP. I honestly feel I have been kind, patient and supportive throughout while he kept stringing me along. I'm able to see the glimmer of good in anyone and I have a tendency to think I can bring out someone's good potential. I see it....I know it's there if only I could have the chance to help!

    So when you've finally had enough and you realize that a relationship has just turned downright abusive...how do you move on? While I should be angry with him for saying very cruel things to me, I find myself worrying about him and hoping the hurtful comments I made in retaliation haven't hurt him too badly.

    By the way, I really wish I was any other type but INFP. The pain we feel is so raw it's almost unbearable. I feel almost broken beyond repair at this point.
    faeriegal713, AvaAdore, Kittann and 3 others thanked this post.

  2. #2
    INFP - The Idealists

    Just keep focusing on his bad traits when you do think about him, but try not to think about him as much as possible. That's the best suggestion I have. Don't stay in contact or try & find out what is going on with him now....every time I see someone do that, they drag out the healing process. You need a clean break. Distractions help too; maybe it's time for a new hobby.

    When someone truly screws me over, I tend to get MAD though, so that any soft feelings I had are killed.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    this likely wont be any consolation, but, given what you've said, i suspect that any hurtful things you've said in retaliation to him are probably much *deserved*, and if he did get hurt by them, then, well... so much the better. that sounds cruel, but, well... perhaps it'll make him *think*, at least. some people need a verbal slap upside the head to break free from some of their stupider ways.

    ... infps may feel misery poignantly, but we have the capacity to feel elation gloriously... we're a bit of an emotional lot but... well, again, shallow consolation, but, while you might be stuck in the former at the moment, before long you'll experience the latter again...
    OrangeAppled, PixieSaysHi and Aelthwyn thanked this post.

  4. #4
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Learn from the knowledge and be stronger from the experience.
    faeriegal713 and PixieSaysHi thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    Silent and invisible treatment, stay far away and ignore him, forget about his feelings it's not your responsibility.
    OrangeAppled and faeriegal713 thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists

    thanks for all the support. i really appreciate it. and i agree with everything said....especially somniorum. the more i think about it...while the comments i made were indeed harsh...he really did deserve a good kick in the ass. plus, he is estp....i bet he doesn't even remember it tomorrrow.
    Somniorum thanked this post.

  7. #7
    Unknown Personality

    I had that happen to me as well.

    Really, just cut contact from the person, fill your time with new hobbies/friends, and let time do it's magic. I would recommend talking to a therapist, or reading self-help books about broken hearts. Maybe start seeing new people.

    It hurts, but true love would never hurt you.
    faeriegal713 and PixieSaysHi thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    *hugs* I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time right now. I hope you know that you have done the right thing in making the decision to end the relationship with an abusive person. It's never easy and that person has had time to work his way into your mind and heart to make sure that it is not an easy thing for you to leave. He has had the opportunity to plant all sorts of different kinds of seeds of thought that he doesn't even have to be around to make them active. That is what emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive people do. They are masters of manipulation and make you doubt everything you know about yourself and others.

    As for how to get over them, the first step is always in putting distance, physically and mentally, between you and them. Emotionally will take a bit of time, but it also gets easier as you interact with that person less and less. The next thing that you really would benefit from is counseling/therapy. There's a reason he sought you out and why you fell into his trap and why it's so hard to keep him from invading your thoughts and emotions right now. Therapy isn't the magic answer, but it will help. If you feel that you don't have time or money for it, there are a lot of places that offer sliding-scale based services and that have odd hours to accommodate the hectic work schedules people have started working.

    Talking to friends and family and just getting yourself set up in your own life and space away from him will help as well. Not being constantly reminded and being given the opportunity to see that yes, you can do things and accomplish things, though it may be difficult right now, will also help. No matter what it is that yo uhave been told in the past, you do not need another person to make your life easier to live it.

    As for how I know any of the above, I'm nearing the end processes of getting over my own abusive relationship. Hopefully in the next few weeks my divorce will be finalized and I will not have any legal or moral obligation to interact with him. He was emotionally and mentally abusive to me, and it was only after we were separated for a year by the army (he got deployed around the same time that I was) and I started to make new friends that I even realized how bad it was. I remember clearly talking to a new friend on the phone about a lot of the things that I was going through and stopping in the middle of a sentence because it just hit me - If ANY of my patients had been telling me what I was telling my friend, I would have gotten them involved with a therapist and highly encouraged them to get out of that abusive relationship. If I would be concerned and worried about my patients, why was it okay for me to be in that sort of relationship and environment?

    That was over one year ago. I asked for a divorce in February and have had many setbacks and bumps in the road since, but I can honestly say that I have been able to forgive him of many things and am working on forgiving him of others. It is a process, and a long one at that. Be patient with yourself and understand that you won't get over him immediately, that it is going to take just as much time as it would to get over the loss of a healthier relationship.

    Good luck, and don't hesitate to come here and lean on a few people as you need to.
    Somniorum, PixieSaysHi, Aelthwyn and 1 others thanked this post.

  9. #9
    Unknown Personality

    First and foremost get away from them, you don't need people in your life that are going to treat you bad intentionally.

    Although I think our type can be way too emotional at times (myself included), if you felt the need to share your hostility with the other person they probably had it coming and remember that the other person had no problems with being unkind to you, so you shouldn't feel bad about sticking up for yourself.

    "By the way, I really wish I was any other type but INFP. The pain we feel is so raw it's almost unbearable. I feel almost broken beyond repair at this point.'

    While I don't wish to be another type, the pain part does suck tremendously, but you have to take the bad with the good. I'm certain that others go through pain, but most likely not how our type does. If they all had to feel things the way we do they would most likely be in a mental institution or worse. The rest might look at INFP's as being the soft squishy type, but I don't. For any of us to have survived this as long as we have without being severely screwed mentally takes a kind of toughness that others may not understand. You may be sad and hurt because yet another fake person has done something horrible to you yet again, but not broken.......never broken.
    faeriegal713, PixieSaysHi and Meyla thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists

    What I think about this?

    If someone is treating you like this in a relationship, then you have no reason to stay or even tolerate it to begin with. You are subconsciously attached to him. You need to break that subconscious chain of thought, but first you need to understand that NO ONE should be subjected to someone who does not treat you like someone should treat you in a relationship. An abusive relationship can only get worse, not better, and the only person at the end of the day that will suffer for it is you. Trying to change other people who are harming you in some way in an interpersonal relationship is not worth the emotional investment, and its time to put down the ultimatum on him. Show that you're serious about it in that case as well. Its never a good thing to deal with people who will always bring down your vibration, there is no true gain out of it if you do think you will find it.

    I heard this I can change him mentality, trust me, its not worth it. No one is worth it if they treat you negativity. Relationships are not suppose to be like that, never ever no matter the victim (male/female). First, break the subconscious link by doing some creative visualization (Its pretty much like daydreaming) of living life without him, and how much better it is without him, you have feel that it already happen when you do it though. One users suggested talking to family and friends about getting help getting over him. More collective energies to help you move on the better.

    Personally I would not tolerate the first minute of someone like that if I were in the same situation as you. I'm just the type of guy that does not take garbage from people. Plus, don't feel bad for what you need to say to him to get your point across, you have to understand that you have to put the foot down on people like him, I know INFPs like us don't like conflict, but hey, you are already in one so you might as well go all on nothing on it.
    PixieSaysHi thanked this post.

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