How do I explain being an INFP to an SJ?

**Drea** · 09-30-2010 05:42 PM

Specifically an ISFJ. He really wants to understand me on a deeper level but INFPdom is just so hard to explain! I don't want to simplify anything, but I reciting INFP descriptions just seems like too much.

Any help/advice?

**barbalootSuits** · 09-30-2010 09:20 PM

Maybe write a note to him about who you are. Write down some hopes and dreams, anything no matter how ridiculous it seems. How do you relate to others? What is your goal for this life, the one thing you most wish to achieve? Ohhh then you could put it into a rhyming poem, even better!

**rowingineden** · 09-30-2010 09:24 PM

I don't usually have any problems communicating about this with ISFJs. I willl just say things like, "You know, I like to keep my options open," or, "I couldn't do that, you know, because it was WRONG..." The ones I've been around are pretty receptive.

**Paradigm** · 09-30-2010 09:46 PM

Maybe try explaining how Fi-Ne works for you. It doesn't have to be in MBTI terms, just general ones. I second the suggestion of a note, since it'll allow you to gather your thoughts. You could throw in words like "idealist," "healer," and "dreamer," if those apply to you.

**vel** · 09-30-2010 10:03 PM

Give him description of Fi and Ne and say those are primary "lenses through which you view the world"
There are some decent descriptions here: ENFP Wiki
And here: personalitycafe.com/cognitive-functions/24032-intro-function-theory-more-detailed-descriptions-each-function-attitude.html

And then invite him to ask questions, so it is not just dry theory but that he sees how this applies to your life, the simple every day things and decisions you had to make. This way you are not stereotyping yourself with an MBTI profile.

I have in past told people that by MBTI I am INFJ and then they proceeded to read profiles and made some really wild conclusions so now I'd really rather try to explain introverted intuition to them and extraverted feeling, Jung's original functions, and leave profiling systems like MBTI, socionics, Kiersey, etc. out of it.

**Fallout** · 10-01-2010 03:39 AM

I think it's a pretty hard task to properly convey our nature to most types. I think getting them to read the description, with a list of some things that are important to you or that you love. I did that with my ISFP mother along with a list of my favourite songs. I think you can tell a lot about somebody with this information. There are some things which she still just doesn't get but it did help quite a bit. Good luck.

**Drea** · 10-01-2010 01:23 PM

Thanks everyone ^^

The biggest problem I have explain who I am to him is he doesn't understand why I don't just go and do things rather than sitting around all day and daydreaming about them. It's not that I don't do anything...well, this is the INFP fourm.

You guys understand.

Its unimaginably hard to explain your life lense to someone else

But that you all so much for the help. I'll take your advice and get to studying those links.

**xezene** · 10-01-2010 01:24 PM

My whole family is a bunch of SJs, all 4 of them. I've concluded after 19 years of trying that it is impossible.

**bottes** · 10-01-2010 01:45 PM

Hah... do you truly want him to understand you? That's difficult. My ESFJ mom wants to understand me and has developed some pretty far-off ideas about who I am, but I'm okay with that... I mean, it's the effort that counts, right? I don't need her to know everything about me but if she feels that she does, I don't mind. Did that make any sense?

**Drea** · 10-01-2010 03:57 PM

Yes, that makes sense. :P And yes of course I truly want him to understand me. He's my boyfriend. My parents (ESTJ, ISXJ) have COMPLETELY far-off ideas of who I am, so I know what that's like. I can't say i'm okay with it though, more like i've stopped caring.