[Cygnus]

every time the apathy wears off, i want it back. i hate the restlessness that sometimes comes with nowhere to go. i hang out with the same people in circles, drive to the same places in circles, my life is just a circle. i can run and run and run and i will never go anywhere.

[xezene]

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."
Albert Camus

[Lala]

I wonder if I really love him or not.

[GreenLadyBug]

I'm starting to lose my faith in men. Are there any guys out there who actually want a meaningful relationship that's about love rather than sex? It makes me horribly depressed thinking that there aren't.

[pneuma]

I know I can be so cold, so mean and so blunt. I know this hurts people's feelings but I just cannot pretend like I care anymore. I cannot let people go on behaving as they do and society following that social norm of smiling and gracefully nodding. I truly suck at faking it. People say they appreciate my straight-shooting honesty but sometimes I think they are smiling and nodding and calling me a bitch. I am not sure if I care.

I love you.

[snail]

I gave in and fantasized because I was having trouble resisting after being allowed greater psychological intimacy, but despite failing to keep my thoughts pure, I still felt no urge to physically masturbate.

The problem is this: to me, the physical act is not the point. Of course I can resist the urge to do things with my body, because I am not my body. I am detached from it. I can also resist the urge to use physical violence even in self defense, even when threatened with death, but the moment one of my values is challenged, I become emotionally intense and verbally defensive. It is too easy to pretend that I am being good simply because my actions remain consistent with my values, but I am not defined by my physical actions. I am defined by my principles, which I have violated.

I worry that my addictive thoughts are going to return, since I have allowed them even a moment to affect my feelings in a pleasurable manner. Now all I want is to feel that way again, and again, and again, without any pauses in between. If I am not careful within the next few hours to harshly and abruptly reject all of these intrusive fantasies that keep trying to take over my mind, I am going to fall back into my obsession.

I am going to pray about it as soon as I finish typing this.

[Funkdragon75]

I gave in and fantasized because I was having trouble resisting after being allowed greater psychological intimacy, but despite failing to keep my thoughts pure, I still felt no urge to physically masturbate.

The problem is this: to me, the physical act is not the point. Of course I can resist the urge to do things with my body, because I am not my body. I am detached from it. I can also resist the urge to use physical violence even in self defense, even when threatened with death, but the moment one of my values is challenged, I become emotionally intense and verbally defensive. It is too easy to pretend that I am being good simply because my actions remain consistent with my values, but I am not defined by my physical actions. I am defined by my principles, which I have violated.

I worry that my addictive thoughts are going to return, since I have allowed them even a moment to affect my feelings in a pleasurable manner. Now all I want is to feel that way again, and again, and again, without any pauses in between. If I am not careful within the next few hours to harshly and abruptly reject all of these intrusive fantasies that keep trying to take over my mind, I am going to fall back into my obsession.

I am going to pray about it as soon as I finish typing this.

There is nothing wrong with masturbation. Have fun and enjoy yourself. It is N*O*R*M*A*L. $5 says even Pope Benedict does it....

[Wanderlust94]

A terribly silly confession, but the only thing that gets me through Monday every week is that a Family Guy marathon comes on TBS every Monday night.

[Wanderlust94]

@GreenLadyBug, of course there are! Don't give up!

@itssoOHMYGOD, I can relate and I don't blame you at all for being sick of how it all seems.

@pneuma, People like you are what give me hope for an ailing society. Giving out love to the people that are hurting and have the empathy to know what it feels like.

[Disfigurine]

It wasn't supposed to be this way.
It never was supposed to be this way.