[Lurker]

I don't know what to do anymore. When I was a younger child, I almost always knew what to do - I could betray my senses, I could entertain myself, dress crazily without feeling ridiculous...

I was barely conscious of the world around me. Everyone seemed to be helpers and huggers, not actual people.



I don't know what happened, but I long for those days. All of my emotions seem bland now, compared to how big and amazing they were during childhood. Instead of feeling ridiculously ecstatic, I am merely content. Instead of feeling extreme misery, I am merely sad. It is as if all the art and science in the world cannot touch my soul and my emotions.
That is not how it should be, that is not how I want it to be.

How do I reconnect with the wealth of my emotions?
My dear fellow INFPs, could you give me any advice?

I'm not even sure I should actually click the "submit"-button. It is probably in the wrong forum, and I might sound stupid and attention-seeking. This is more a plea out of desperation than anything else. Please, help me.

[BlackPixy13]

This sounds like depression. There are different types, so I would get it provesionally checked out instead of trying to decifer it for yourself. Please don't assume I'm one of those people who just say the first thing that comes to mind. I really do think it might be depression.

[Ectoplasm]

Welcome to the forum!

I suffer from the same problem, there is only contentment and blandness. Childhood was a wealth of colour, emotion, excitement and joy. I could also cry (and I could cry often) but now can not even cry at all, not even when staring in the eye the greatest tragedies. Often when angry now, there is an element of contentment, maybe even peace. It's a beautiful thing, but makes one wonder whether you can no longer be sincere about things if it all seems like it doesn't matter.

I understand what you mean, the problem with the INFP is that its either flowers and roses or it is melancholy and depression - the latter two making a heck a lot more noise in my opinion. I don't know if I can help you but I think I suffer from a similar thing. Are you a teenager by any chance? When I was in my latter teenage years I longed for what was, I felt left behind with everything and everyone I knew moving off, leaving me to rot. The change wasn't what I wanted, nostalgia was my only friend. Now that I am no longer one, I am trying to build a new future out of my situation.

If you are a teenager, it is possibly teenage depression and its the feeling that emotion is quietening down. I have felt it greatly this past year and it was unsettling. I think you will make it through well in the end myself.

[Lurker]

@ Ectoplasm:
Thank you. I hope I'll gain it back. I am a teenager, I'll be 18 next month.
It is certainly the feeling that my emotions are quietening down.

@ BlackPixy13:
Does it really sound like depression? I used to read a lot about it when I was 13-14 years old, but I never thought that I might actually be depressed.

If that is the case... then I hope it's only a teenage depression, as Ectoplasm suggested. I will definitely consider getting it checked out, though.

[Slick 66]

I'm going to go with BlackPixy13 on this one and say it also sounds like depression. Don't waste any time on the Internet over it though because it will drive you mad. Just go down to the doctors and talk to them about how you are feeling (not how you think you ought to feel). It's as simple as that. If the doctor thinks there is something wrong then they will help you.

I believe I entered a long state of depression when I was about 16. I didn't like how the real world was starting to shape up in front of me and when I learned the true nature of people when money was involved that just crushed me even harder. But I kept going, and kept talking to people about how I felt and I realised I wasn't all alone in my thoughts. It's taken me a few years but I finally feel I've been able to put my life back on track and I'm feeling a lot happier now. I hope you will come to do the same. *hugs*

[Stolen]

Am I right in assuming you had a pretty beautiful childhood, then? That's one way I can't relate to many INFPs - I never had tragedy or hurt in my childhood, mine was a very positive experience and I felt like the world was full of endless possibilities, wonders and joys.

Everyone has struggles making the transition into adulthood. But for some of us, our childhoods were wrapped in bubble wrap and filled with only the most imaginative experiences, and while I would't trade my childhood for the world I think such coddling backfires - when reality hits, it hits fucking hard.

If you've only been feeling like this for the past few months or year, I think you should definitely get some help. The longer you put it off, the worse depression gets, and the harder it is to ask for help. It is easy to get stuck in the "I want to solve it on my own" category, but from personal experience that usually means it just festers and grows under the surface and doesn't actually solve anything.

There are beautiful things to adulthood, but they are often so bogged down in the bad and stressful that it's hard to see them, let alone appreciate them. I am the last person in the world qualified to say "don't live in the past", but it's often such an empty pursuit and leaves you feeling drained and hopeless - chasing after the feeling of childhood again is like chasing that first high. It's futile, but it's so hard to accept that it's gone.

Best of wishes. I hope you can access your emotions again soon. No one should live in numbness.

[Leroy]

Yeah I definately felt the same as a teenager. All the blind excitment of childhood is gone, and there's still a huge mountain to climb before you hit adulthood. I'm almost 22 now and I at least have a view of the top which is finally helping me put together some perspective of the future for me. So things will make more sense as you get older. But if your emotional state is getting in the way of your normal well being I would seek professional help, I did for a few years when I was younger. I saw a clinical psychologist (PH D's) for 2 and a half years instead of a psychiatrist (MD's). I liked that better, most psycitrists don't really listen to your problems just your symtoms and give you a corresponding drug. Psychologists are better at using psychotherapy to help you help yourself, although there is a growing movement in the psychiatry to use psychotherapy as well as drugs, but you should scope it out more before you go that route. I have no problem with careful drug experimentation but DON'T LET YOUR MOOD BE DEPENDENT ON DRUGS!!!!!

[BlackPixy13]

@ BlackPixy13:
Does it really sound like depression? I used to read a lot about it when I was 13-14 years old, but I never thought that I might actually be depressed.

I do. I recently found out that I'm cronicly depressed, so it's a very different type, my emotions go out of controle and I spiral. I didn't believe it for weeks until I looked back into it myself, and it really does sound like me. What you described sounds very similar to what I feel before I start breaking shit and freaking out.

You may not and I could just be guessing wrong, but it is a possibility. Don't write anything off until you know for sure it's not the case.