[Now and Then]

...Is it possible to stop caring about someone entirely?

...If you don't care about that person any longer, does it mean you've never cared about him/her in the first place? (as for loving someone likewise)

...Can you still care about someone, even when you have no emotional connection with him/her at the present time? Is the intensity of caring itself, simply, what changes over course of time?



Such an INFP-ly sentimental thing to ask, I know, hee hee. But, at the moment it's really caught my attention, now with what I've seen around me.

So... what do you think? In other words, you could take this as a question of what "caring" is to you if you'd like.





(it's intended to be generalized, as it clearly varies from one individual to one another, so i don't mean to accuse anybody here or in real life - that is not the objective at hand)

[4everCharmed]

...Is it possible to stop caring about someone entirely?

Well I believe it's possible to stop caring about someone entirely. If they never cross your mind anymore, then you'd never bother to think about them, what they are up to, how they are feeling etc. it's like they don't exist to you.

Soo I think... Never thinking about someone at all = you have stopped caring for this person entirely.

But if you still think about them sometimes, then you still somewhat care. They, in a sense, still exist to you.

...If you don't care about that person any longer, does it mean you've never cared about him/her in the first place? (as for loving someone likewise)

No.. You could have cared for them before, but they could have done something huge to break your trust or destroy your relationship which lead you to Choose not to care for them anymore.

Soo it's like.. you stop yourself from caring about this person because they are a negative influence on you or perhaps you just drift apart. You could have cared for them in the past, but just not anymore in the present.

Ex: When you were in the relationship together.. you probably thought about this person a lot and cared for them. Because they were an important existence in your life at that time, you probably thought about them a lot and did many things together. However, after a bad break up, you move on and in the far future you may even forget about him. If you totally forget about him, then that would mean you have completely stopped caring about him (since it's like he doesn't exist to you!). But if you still think about him sometimes, then you still care about him perhaps wondering where he is or what he's up to. But maybe not as often as when you were in a relationship together in the past... so you care about him less than before.


...Can you still care about someone, even when you have no emotional connection with him/her at the present time? Is the intensity of caring itself, simply, what changes over course of time?

Yeah I think you can still care for someone even if you have no emotional connection. Thinking about someone, probably shows that you care about them somewhat. Either because you want to remember them, or just wondering how they are doing.

I think you can still hate someone and care about them. You may have no emotional connection with someone (perhaps someone who doesn't even know you) yet you can still care about them.. like perhaps watching someone from afar, thinking about someone all the time even when They don't know you exist! lol. It just shows that You care, but it doesn't mean there's a emotional connection between you two.

So... what do you think? In other words, you could take this as a question of what "caring" is to you if you'd like.

I think caring to me.. is just being able to acknowledge someone being a part of your life, had some effect on you or that they exist to you. Whether it's negative or positive. If you have cared for someone or still care about them, you will remember them and think about them in the present every now and then or a lot. Perhaps the intensity of the caring is how often you think of this person. Because if you think of them constantly, you probably care about them an awful lot or help them out a lot.

I think if you don't think about someone at all.. it's a good chance you probably don't care about them much or at all.

I guess I relate caring to emotional desire.. more than actual actions. We can care about people even when people don't see it. The actions just make it more obvious and let other people aware that you think of them and want to help them and that you care!

um those are just my opinions hope it makes sense lol.


oh but I think if someone was a big part of your life or had a huge impact (like your family), it's hard to totally forget about them.. the positives and the negatives. So i guess sometimes it'd be hard to really Stop caring about specific people if they've had such a memorable existence in your life. If you think about it.. you care about it!

[Miraji]

...Is it possible to stop caring about someone entirely?
i always did my best to stop caring about people who hurt me or i feel they just use me for their own personal benefit ...but its hard sometimes though i learned how to control myself when i feel like helping them, asking about them, missing them ...etc

...If you don't care about that person any longer, does it mean you've never cared about him/her in the first place? (as for loving someone likewise)

No it doesnt... I cared about several people and till now sometimes i think about them and wonder how they doing, but i cant talk to them anymore or ask about them

...Can you still care about someone, even when you have no emotional connection with him/her at the present time? Is the intensity of caring itself, simply, what changes over course of time?

Yes you can, at least me

Such an INFP-ly sentimental thing to ask, I know, hee hee. But, at the moment it's really caught my attention, now with what I've seen around me.

So... what do you think? In other words, you could take this as a question of what "caring" is to you if you'd like.



(it's intended to be generalized, as it clearly varies from one individual to one another, so i don't mean to accuse anybody here or in real life - that is not the objective at hand)

i answered your questions above
about what does Caring means to me ...well it means to think about the other person, to look after his/her needs, try to please them and make their wishes come true, love them , be honest with them, show them that you love them and care about their feelings...etc

[WhiteStones]

Those are some great Feelings questions, Now and Then! I have been thinking alot about them this week actually, and many times in the past.

this is what I think of the idea of 'caring'...

I'd like to begin with some definitions...

Caring = to feel concerned for/ interested in someone you have a relationship with, and to act to help them if they need it.

"Caring" thus, has an affective (emotional), as well as a relational and behavioural component.

So: 3 ways you can still 'care'

1) you may feel caring towards someone, but if you don't have a relationship with them, it's very hard/maybe socially unacceptable for you to behave/act on that care (e.g. you care about your favorite singer/actor/ book character .

2) You can have a relationship with some (e.g. a friend), and some days, you may not FEEL like you care about them, but you choose to act/behave as if you do, because of your loyalty to them and the commitment you've made to the relationship/ friendship.

3) You can act as if you care about someone you have a relationship with long enough that you eventualy feel caring as well.

My conclusion is: Feelings of 'caring' for someone do not have to be the starting point for 'caring' actions or a 'caring' relationship.

Now to answer questions....

...Is it possible to stop caring about someone entirely?

If you nolonger have feelings of caring, if you no longer act in a caring way, and if you nolonger have a relationship with a person - you are not objectively "caring" for them any more.

I think it has to be other-person centred "interest" if it is to be considered caring, thus, if you just hear about them in random conversation with some curiosity, that's not because you 'care' about them, it's because you like hearing gossip, which I think is inerently un-caring of the other person.

...If you don't care about that person any longer, does it mean you've never cared about him/her in the first place? (as for loving someone likewise)

No. At the time, you felt as if you cared, you acted as if you cared, and you had a relationship with the person. objectivley you cared about them at the time. And that's never wasted. When you input into the lives of others, they return the insights and together you go away changed people, hopefully for the best. Although often there is a lot of pain involved too, and it could result in you having your heart broken. But I firmly believe (from experience) that even this too is a refining fire of the soul.

Although I must admit, I find myself in a bit of a feeling crisis when these situations arrise. I wonder - how did this person who I used to be so close with and care so much about now seem so distance, to the point where I think I choose not to care anymore for self-protection more than anything else (like what 4evercharmed mentioned)

...Can you still care about someone, even when you have no emotional connection with him/her at the present time? Is the intensity of caring itself, simply, what changes over course of time?

Yes, if my definition holds true, you can still choose to act in a caring way, and you may maintain a relationship with them, even if the feeling of caring has changed in intensity. I think feelings are much more fickel and likely to change, but choosing to trust in the commitment of a relationship and acting in accordance, is a buffer to the shifting sands of one's emotional engagment.

I think it's really important for INFPs to realise that their feelings don't always accurately reflect reality, nor are they always the best guide to decissions, especially those involving other people in cases like this.

-Sometimes it's better to let your higher value of loyallty be your guide.

Hummm....

happy caring!

[sarek]

...Is it possible to stop caring about someone entirely?

Yes and no, I have found both to be true. When someone is inside my heart they will have a hard time getting out of it. But people can drift away if they try real hard. In my life sometimes friends have drifted away. Perhaps fate decided that we had learned all the lessons we could from each other, and we were ready to move on.

...If you don't care about that person any longer, does it mean you've never cared about him/her in the first place? (as for loving someone likewise)

For the one(s) I truly love I think in an a contrario sort of way that would be the implication.

...Can you still care about someone, even when you have no emotional connection with him/her at the present time? Is the intensity of caring itself, simply, what changes over course of time?

Yes, I have had that happen to me. I know someone who is something of an emotional leech. She tends to leave me drained and out of self protection I have to keep some distance.