[susurration]

I am most definitely a self-reflector. I've always had a lot of confidence in myself, and several days where I just enjoy existing. But I'll be honest- I didn't do much besides daydream about non-reality before I graduated highschool. I mean, it was a comfortable environment, right? Nobody questioned me, I got along with my family just fine, and I had tooons and tons of friends. It wasn't until I graduated highschool that I had to really discover who I am. It was kind of a scary and confusing time; I remember in highschool thinking that being at school was time for being with "real-life" friends, and after school was "internet friends" time. So, since I didn't really make an effort to keep up with people while IN school, they all fell away after graduating (it didn't help that I stayed in my neighborhood to go to Junior College while waiting to move off to another state, while the rest of them just went to a University in Texas, but still moved off out of reach). And without marching band occupying my time (and believe me, it occupied a LOT of time), it really occurred to me just how much free time I had. Internet friendships alone were not good enough- I'm introverted for sure, but I am still human, and still a social creature. I need contact. I had that with my family, but the sudden loss of all those friends was just odd. Tack that onto the fact that I was legally an adult at that point and had to start thinking about ways to earn money in addition to going to school, and we're talking... LOTS of self-reflection.

It's funny, because Harry Potter was actually a saving grace to me at that time. The MBTI was not originally the way I thought of myself in terms of personality- before those four letters, I typed myself by Harry Potter houses. I've always had a bit of every house in me, and I've always sought people over the internet to help me type my own behavior (sorting communities on livejournal, talking to internet fandom friends, etc). Before graduating highschool, I was a HUGE hybrid. Makes sense; I didn't really know what I wanted in the real world. I was only JUST beginning to find out at the end of my senior year, but I definitely didn't know why my decisions on political standpoints and other things were my own; they were just things I had kind of adopted from the people around me. But I had the Gryffindor "spunk." So people would say I was a Gryffindor, but just barely, peeking out from underneath all of that naivety. But yes, after graduating highschool, I was thrust into the real world suddenly. It was scary. I learned how to drive and got my license my second day of college. Suddenly, I was driving myself places alone... I was shopping alone... doing everything alone. It was sad. I REALLY had to learn how to not only keep myself company, but keep myself focused on real life tasks, because I didn't want to fall behind. Mommy and Daddy weren't taking care of everything like they used to- I smartened up really quick and realized that I was only going to make things happen if I did something about them. So I became much more duty-oriented. And I self-reflected a TON. I actually got a bit depressed, just knowing I was heading in a direction and crawling back into my shell was not an option. While I was depressed and questioning everything, I actually typed as a Ravenclaw a lot- my Gryffindor fire was kind of gone for a bit, replaced with questions of my own ideals. In order to do things, I need to really believe in them. I didn't have the support I used to have, so I needed to be sure of what I was doing before setting out to do it, because we all know it's far too easy to just give up halfway through if we lose certainty. So self-discovery was very important, and I'd say I devoted a good two or so years to being a "Ravenclaw"- just questioning and looking for answers.



But after that... suddenly, determination came out of the self-knowledge I started to acquire. I stood up against my parents for things I would have never dreamed of in the past. Suddenly, I was not the passive type 9 I had been- I was able to come up with cohesive arguments for things that I really wanted in life, and I didn't let them go. It took me three years to argue my way out of Texas and into a good art university in California, but I did it. And life is still kind of scary right now, but you know? I'm doing it. I'm a total Peter Pan kind of person for sure, but I am getting pretty damn good at being an adult, if I do say so myself. I spent all last month, in the midst of finals and moving out of the dorms, putting my name out everywhere I could think of and looking for jobs. I've now had two callbacks. I'm lining up to get my first apartment soon. I'm becoming more and more independent every day, and every day it just gets easier and less scary, because I am more sure of myself and what I am doing. And that self-reflection has helped a TON. I'll never question what "house" I am ever again- I'm definitely an idealistic, spitfire and stubborn Gryffindor. ;)

Aw, I find that quite cute how you used the HP houses. My own conceptions of personality were.. a bit skewed before I discovered psychology. I basically thought everyone was the same and that only experiences made you who you were. A very naive assumption...

But thank you for your input. You can really tell when you are self reflecting.. because you begin to gain a lot of clarity about yourself, others and the world.

And I agree with those who have mentioned it's best to adopt both rumination and relfection. But in appropriate contexts of course.

[Kez]

A lot of the debate for me in examining the tendencies towards self-reflection and self-rumination all depends on the overall mood I am in at the time. If there is nothing negative emotionally going on for me to over think about, or if I'm not in one of my low periods, then I can engage in self-reflection. Unfortunately, more often than not, I'm doing more self-rumination whether it be because of a particular mood I am in or because something negative emotionally occurred.

[duck]

Change your ideals:

From "what i have to be?" into "what should i feel?"
Get smart at having emotions: get wiser.

No, I disagree. Smart and wise are not the same. Change it to: 'What DO I feel?"

"Why do I feel this way?" is a great question.

"What could/should I do about feeling this way?" isn't a bad question.

"How should I feel instead?" is just self-denial.

What you DO feel is exactly what you SHOULD feel. If you feel hot, you should feel hot. It probably IS hot, if it isn't, you're sick, go to the doctor. Don't say "Well, I SHOULD feel great . . . ." and then pretend you do till you keel over from heat stroke. That's dumb.

If you feel unappreciated, you should feel unappreciated. If you feel happy, you should feel happy. Feelings don't arise at random, they exist for a reason. Don't argue with them. There are things they have to teach you that you'll never learn any other way.

[crazitaco]

it depends on the situation. when i feel i have done something wrong which was because of who i am, i am self-ruminating. when i am thinking about the postive aspects of my personality i am self-reflecting. to me, i use both almost equally.