[starflower]

First, a bit of introduction: I am 33 years old, female, married w/four kids. I have NEVER met anyone in real life who is like me. I found this forum by searching for INFP. And I am SO THRILLED to find others like me!! I have read some of the other posts in the forum, and nearly cry every time. After so long feeling that I was alone, I am SO HAPPY to find that I'm not! You are all wonderful.

I have moved around a lot, first with my dad's job, then with my husband's job. Every place I've moved, there has been someone I meet (so far always female - hopefully always female, cuz it'd be awkward for me, otherwise) who is immediately special to me. It's like I've known them forever. One person who energizes me. (Everybody else seems to drain my energy.) I just want to hold them close to me and be with them a lot. I am not gay - and the feelings I have for them are emotional/spiritual, not sexual. But the feelings are uber intense. I try to hide them, cuz I can tell that, with one exception (I would guess she was an ENFJ), they don't feel the same for me. But it tears me apart knowing that I love someone who really couldn't care less that I even exist. I work SO hard on developing a friendship with that person who doesn't put any effort into the relationship, and actually seems kinda bothered that she would be more special to me than other people.

I don't know if I'm making much sense. Does anybody know what I'm talking about? Does anyone know how to cope with something like this?

[kindaconfused]

Sometimes it is hard to disengage emotionally from a one-way admiration of someone. I had friendships like this in my teens and early twenties. I realized that they all possessed qualities that I coveted, like self-confidence, ambition, skills with tha ladies! etc. But the friendships were definitely one-sided.
Once I saw that I sort of idolized them in one way or another, I realized I was learning something; I wasn't too happy with who I was at the time and living vicariously through them.
I hope this makes sense. I still haven't finished my first cup of coffee yet!

[Pop Crimes]

Hey Starflower,

I'm glad you have found some fellow INFPs. I think it's safe to say I've never met another INFP in my life. Ever. ENFPs, yes - only 1. A couple of ENFJs. One INFJ. But that's about it.

Strangely though, I've never really had a problem with yours. When I was younger, perhaps - I use to really cling on to the one or two close friends that I have. Who I can really pour my heart into. But even then, I was really lucky that they didn't mind, and in fact, they treat me like a close brother. Or even a son. One of them for example, use to buy me cigarettes and food EVERY DAY a few years ago when I was blowing all my money on drugs. Now we're in separate countries and even then, he still mails me goodies - posters, books, comics. Like I'm a kid! (maybe I am, lol). We've even showered together before LOLLLLLL but we're NOT homosexual. We just like each other a lot.

I've got other friends who are close to me too, obviously, not reaching the Bromance just mentioned but close nonetheless. I tend not to think of those who I invest unreciprocated friendship in because I basically don't give a flying shit about them. And they are few and far between. In that sense, I'm lucky.

However, when I went overseas (as I still am), I have not been able to find a friend like that. Most of my friends now in this foreign country think I'm "close" to them, when actually I hide a lot of my feelings so I won't get hurt and so we'll get along. All my feelings end up here, on Personality Cafe.

Welcome to Personality Cafe!


These were,

Pop Crimes

[xannfir]

I've had something similar, although not exactly the same. It seems that with every place I've lived and everywhere I've worked... there is always someone I stumble upon that I feel like I've known forever. I feel so comfortable around them and I can just jump right in to the strange places my mind goes almost immediately upon meeting them. But eventually, we drift away, either through my fault or theirs or no one's. I think of them from time to time. Even though sometimes it was short, it was real and I wouldn't want it any other way. But one-sided relationships are hard. Had my share of those as well.

[skogprinsessa]

I've had one experience that is identical to what you're describing- feeling connected in an emotional/spiritual level, being energized by them and practically idolizing the person. It's extremely difficult to cope with how one-sided it is.

[SenhorFrio]

there alot of time when i feel intense emotional attraction to another guy, but i know i'm straight. And i've had experiences with people not putting much into a harmonious realtionship, i really want to just get along but they don't make it easy

[starflower]

I've had one experience that is identical to what you're describing- feeling connected in an emotional/spiritual level, being energized by them and practically idolizing the person. It's extremely difficult to cope with how one-sided it is.

That's EXACTLY what I'm feeling. I hate it that it's one-sided.

[Blue Butterfly]

I solved that problem by not reaching out anymore. And I read signs that the other person is not into me as much as I am into them and then I back away. It hurts because that one special person could be loved deeper than they could ever be loved by anyone else. but they don't want my love to I move on.

[Benedox]

I work SO hard on developing a friendship with that person who doesn't put any effort into the relationship, and actually seems kinda bothered that she would be more special to me than other people.

Hey, Starflower!

I sent you a PM about this. ;) Check it out.

[MissyMaroon]

I'm not INFP (but close enough) and I know what you guys mean by the borderline gay straight friendship thing, haha. Yeah, I put it rather interestingly. There was something very maternal about her. INFJ by the way. I was friends with her for only a couple months, it ended over some weird misunderstanding, and the regret lingered with me for a couple years. Over it now, but it's interesting to think about.