[Atenza Coltheart]

Hey guys. There's just been.. something on my mind today, and I've been brooding over it since last night due to one of my ENFP friends mentioning it.

I know you guys have heard me ramble on and on and on about my ENTP (You guys know how 'Obsessive' goes, right?) And just last night... I was talking on the phone, and then my friend told this direct quote to me.

"Kevin, to me it seems that in order for you to grow, and to become further yourself and be better in your next relationship, you need to forgive yourself." Forgive yourself. Such simple words, such a simple phrase, food for the mind and much easier said than done. How is it done though? How do you forgive yourself?

We INFPs, or we as people in general make mistakes. We can't avoid it, we make mistakes, damage others, damage ourselves. But then, us as INFPs, we take it personally. He pull the guilt onto our shoulders and self-sabotage ourselves beyond belief. Maybe unconsciously, we just destroy ourselves because we don't want others to suffer that pain of self-sabotage. And maybe we become self-obsessed under stress because we want to manage to heal ourselves, to again take on the pain of another loved one, regardless of if we're hated or not.

But, in the end, how much damage can we sustain? We're naturally pessimistic which is bad enough, and as stated we take all the blame. Each and every bit of it, because maybe in our subconscious, we Healers feel that if worse comes to worse, the only way to soothe another person's soul is to become the scapegoat.

Is the reason we need constant reassurance due to the fact that we keep can get to the point where we hate ourselves? Cause we're too afraid of that true self that all the others see beauty in? All of my ex's, my friends, have liked me at least once. Has chosen to give to me. And then I brooded to my friends, about all the times I screwed up. How I've screwed up and messed up in the past, and then I ask for forgiveness from others.
"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."



But now I wonder... what if in the end we're just asking forgiveness from other people, because we couldn't accept what we did. What we had put ourselves through. We sit there and we cry over what we could've done, what could've been changed if we had done this or that.

Have you ever listened to yourself? I remember me saying to others, but realizing it now...
"I fucking hate myself! I'm a horrible person! Why does anyone even like me?! There's nothing about me that's good!"
What the hell was I thinking? What was I saying about myself?

I don't know if this is clear enough... as my thoughts are flying around all over the place. But-- how do you forgive yourself, after what you put yourself through?

How do I forgive myself?

---
I don't know if you guys have had any experiences like this... but I dunno, this has been sitting on my mind for quite some time.

[Lummex]

I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately. I know for certain that there are things in my past that I've done that I feel so stupid about, and I actually really dislike the person I used to be very much. I recognize that I need to somehow let it go and that this anger in the back of my mind might be hindering me in some way, but I have yet to figure out how to forgive myself. I try to tell myself "well, you were just a confused teenager, and look how much you've grown from those experiences!" but it doesn't really work. I still feel that I was so much worse than other teens.

I'm not depressed or anything, but I've been thinking about seeing a therapist to see what they think of that stuff. Since I can't seem to find a way to even like my old self a little bit. And that certainly has some repercussions on my current state, i feel.

[Relax]

I used to hate myself for everything that has happened, happening, and just the way everything is going. My life is still in a poor situation, but I've learned to accept and be happy with myself. Don't confuse this with never crying about what has happened, or reliving past events because they do still haunt me.

Forgiving one's self is a personal journey that no one can describe what you should do in it. What I did was take up a couple of hobbies that I enjoy, specifically learning the piano (still not very good at it). It's a slow process, and there will be times when you'll feel crushing despair weighing on your shoulders. When this happens, just accept it with smiling tears.

Our lives are bittersweet, we feel so many emotions that sometimes we can become trapped in the bad ones.

Don't expect forgiveness to happen overnight, it will come naturally over time if you truly desire it. Just remember to smile about the little things in life, and know that you are allowed to have that smile... and cherish it.

[Rogue Eagle]

If I need forgiveness from others in order to forgive myself I'd try very hard to make amends (the thought of someone being :Z at me isn't something I like to have on my mind).

Though I can get angry if people use me as a scapegoat for their own issues. If anyone's worth anything they wouldn't blame all their issues/the issues of whatever relationship you guys possess on you. Or EXPECT help (ie. get angry if you don't have the mental capacity to help them out at the current time).

We won't always be in the right, but more often than not we'll strive to improve the situation. Why does it seem like we're the only moving piece in the equation.

But at the end of the day, as long as you're comfortable with what you've done, that's fine (within reason of course), other people need to learn forgiveness too sometimes.

[refugee]

i know how it feels to beat yourself up. I go through the same trauma all the time, like clockwork. But as I'm growing in my knowledge of myself, I realize at the end of the day, i am not perfect. Does that mean I let it linger? yeah, sometimes. Some secrets i will take to the grave. But usually, i'm comforted in knowing that it's not about how many times i make mistakes but learning from it and being a better person.

[white-knuckle]

The best thing you can do is just to try and let it go. :) Purge the negative thoughts. practice meditation with breathing, calmness, little thought, calming vibes.

[Dyssadia]

Hey guys. There's just been.. something on my mind today, and I've been brooding over it since last night due to one of my ENFP friends mentioning it.

I know you guys have heard me ramble on and on and on about my ENTP (You guys know how 'Obsessive' goes, right?) And just last night... I was talking on the phone, and then my friend told this direct quote to me.

"Kevin, to me it seems that in order for you to grow, and to become further yourself and be better in your next relationship, you need to forgive yourself." Forgive yourself. Such simple words, such a simple phrase, food for the mind and much easier said than done. How is it done though? How do you forgive yourself?

We INFPs, or we as people in general make mistakes. We can't avoid it, we make mistakes, damage others, damage ourselves. But then, us as INFPs, we take it personally. He pull the guilt onto our shoulders and self-sabotage ourselves beyond belief. Maybe unconsciously, we just destroy ourselves because we don't want others to suffer that pain of self-sabotage. And maybe we become self-obsessed under stress because we want to manage to heal ourselves, to again take on the pain of another loved one, regardless of if we're hated or not.

But, in the end, how much damage can we sustain? We're naturally pessimistic which is bad enough, and as stated we take all the blame. Each and every bit of it, because maybe in our subconscious, we Healers feel that if worse comes to worse, the only way to soothe another person's soul is to become the scapegoat.

Is the reason we need constant reassurance due to the fact that we keep can get to the point where we hate ourselves? Cause we're too afraid of that true self that all the others see beauty in? All of my ex's, my friends, have liked me at least once. Has chosen to give to me. And then I brooded to my friends, about all the times I screwed up. How I've screwed up and messed up in the past, and then I ask for forgiveness from others.
"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

But now I wonder... what if in the end we're just asking forgiveness from other people, because we couldn't accept what we did. What we had put ourselves through. We sit there and we cry over what we could've done, what could've been changed if we had done this or that.

Have you ever listened to yourself? I remember me saying to others, but realizing it now...
"I fucking hate myself! I'm a horrible person! Why does anyone even like me?! There's nothing about me that's good!"
What the hell was I thinking? What was I saying about myself?

I don't know if this is clear enough... as my thoughts are flying around all over the place. But-- how do you forgive yourself, after what you put yourself through?

How do I forgive myself?

---
I don't know if you guys have had any experiences like this... but I dunno, this has been sitting on my mind for quite some time.

I won't go as far as to say there isn't such as self pity. I've seen some of the users in here literally wear their tragedies and cut themselves within that their own is saying "fuck clotting" the problem.

I do greatly dislike the generalizations such as "naturally" pessimistic. I know for a fact I'm not, but I am thrown into constant a loop when I start going question crazy and recieving no answers (I have to then remind myself that I'm forcing a matter that isn't ready to be revealed, then I just let it go and get back to work on what I was doing). I like feeling good, fuck that, I like feeling exhilrated to the point my spirit's positive energy is affecting other people.

As far as hurting people are concerned. If I fucked up, I admit it and try to make amends. But I'll be damned if our friendship was hurt and you were the one who fucked it up. You concieved the thoughts, acted on those ideas and reaped what you sewn. I'll be damned if I'm "expected" to ask for forgiveness for another person's fuck up. I recently was told that husbands have no choice to ask for forgiveness if their wives fucked up the relationship. That's not a relationship, that's just a pride issue and I will blast verbally and or spiritually to make it aware. Not only that, it's a lack of understanding and a greater lack of love. You cannot squeeze peach juice out of an apple, so don't expect me to say "I'm sorry" if I didn't do anything wrong.

But how do you forgive yourself? Srlsy? You let yourself be aware of the problem, accept it and just forgive yourself (I'm sorry) and let that bs go. This is like asking what to do if your manhood has erected itself as hard as adamant and asking how do I use it or what do I do with it? Srsly?

I'm not sure if it's the nature of INFPs (or it's just the forums), but for most part, ppl are crying over trivial shit. I know why people want to feel pity, you want that person to hang over and mooch you up. You want that "security" someone is there, can communicate with you or is in fact like you. Improper use of your own power and an unacceptance to change your ways: that is why you suffer. You are only as rare as you hold the "rarity" image of yourself alone in your own mind. You want to be loved? Howabout you love yourself first and see how many people come to you with a smile on your face.

Answer me this (free questions to anyone), how do you recover when you see broken and battered people crying because their home is destroyed and they expect you to be something akin to God to fix their issues? How do you deal with the idea of carrying a child, whose brains is being held together by staples (while you are taking him to a chopper where it lands where sewage goes), and trying to tell him "Its Going to be OK". How do you deal someone who got blown the fuck up at a gas station and gang green has changed his chocolate skin to moldy green with puss coming out like melted cool whip. Guess what, he's going to die and there isn't a damn thing you can do it about. Someone please tell me what do you say to pregnant lady who gave birth to her dead child? Does anyone have an answer as to how you "forgive" yourself after watching mobs of men beat down the elderly and children for food and clothing (and I have that on camera with South Koreans in the crowds)?

I'm 22 years old and I've "experienced" shit my brain has never conceptulized. Just about everyone here wants some sort of sympathy for something trivial (and yes I will it call it "trivial" when you have two arms, two legs, a healthy body and resources to be something so great that the heroes of old will never be able to live up to.)

This is the 21st century people: anyone can be a celebrity, anyone can be successful, the powers of God are running through you veins and possibilites of what you can become is so great. Know why is it no one wants to? Fear, you are all afraid of yourselves for no reason. You built up walls because of we are rare (this of course is stereotyping yourself so you cut any chance of knowing who you are dealing with virtually to nill) then fill your own egos by reading what makes INFPs tick. It's ignorant and very shameful. The reason why you are alone is because you want to be alone. You will always find a sad person about a sad situation and a happy person happy about their happy situation. It is your reaction and how you respond that make you powerful.

"You reap what you sew" and "As you think, you shall become" are powerful quotes that need to reside in your heart.

[obz900]

This thread hit home for me, and I would like to write more about the topic when I'm not about to pass out from exhaustion. But I'll write something now so as not to forget to post tomorrow

I have difficulties with putting blame where it belongs. I don't stick up for myself unless I get really, really pissed off, or I'm drunk. And then the shit hits the fan and my problems are even worse than before. I know deep down that some of "my" problems really aren't mine at all, but I am placing the blame on myself for other people's mistakes. It's mostly a guilt thing. Anxiety plays a role as well.

Lately I've been trying to really think more about everything before I just feel the pain, which is difficult because I'm an inFp. But I've found that it helps. When I really concentrate on the root of a problem and finally see that I'm not always the one to blame and life goes on, it's a really refreshing feeling.

Idk if any of this helped with your personal situation, but I'll write more tomorrow when my mind is churning again. Thanks for the post though. It made me think about a lot of stuff.