[ethylester]

Today I am feeling trapped in myself. Very irritated, annoyed with myself. You know that quote, "wherever you go, there you are"? Well, sometimes I feel comforted by that quote but more often I feel trapped by it. I want so badly to be able to free myself, whatever that means. I can't escape from myself. Why do I feel so apart from myself? Like my thoughts are not part of who I am. I feel disconnected, detached, floating, like the whole world is on tv. But I know it isn't. I want to take my brain and implant it somewhere else and leave it alone for a while. Then take my heart and free it, let it fly somewhere. Then take my body and let it rest or hide. I feel smothered by my own thoughts, loathing of self, in a "you stupid person" kind of way. The whole world is frowning at me and I'm stuck, I can't even speak. Muted. Caged. Times like this I either want to hide somewhere or rip something apart... starting with my own mind. Reckless.



Can someone relate to this? anyone? INFPs? I hate feeling like this. It comes on every few weeks. Makes me feel crazy.

[jeff614]

ah... yes. the world as a tv. sometimes i don't know if the world around me is the show or if people have tuned in to watch me for some reason. its like the remote control is lost and there's no way to adjust the volume, change the channel, or turn it off. i feel like i'm not in control and everything seems utterly unreal and at the same time too real. that's usually when i take the time to just feel "lost" and let things flow through me... sad movies, certain songs etc. there's a line in "Bitter Sweet Symphony" that says "I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me" and surprisingly it helps. then i'm not so trapped by the thoughts that keep chasing eachother around in my head.

so i guess what i'm saying is don't be afraid to feel certain things. there's no such thing as a bad emotion... its how you choose to react to it. if you're feeling trapped and that angers, frightens, or frustrates you then let those feelings sink in a little bit and then channel them through whatever medium suits you best. it may sting a bit but scraping out the bad things inside isn't usually a gentle process. don't be afraid to let things hurt for a little while :)

[ethylester]

ah... yes. the world as a tv. sometimes i don't know if the world around me is the show or if people have tuned in to watch me for some reason. its like the remote control is lost and there's no way to adjust the volume, change the channel, or turn it off. i feel like i'm not in control and everything seems utterly unreal and at the same time too real. that's usually when i take the time to just feel "lost" and let things flow through me... sad movies, certain songs etc. there's a line in "Bitter Sweet Symphony" that says "I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me" and surprisingly it helps. then i'm not so trapped by the thoughts that keep chasing eachother around in my head.

so i guess what i'm saying is don't be afraid to feel certain things. there's no such thing as a bad emotion... its how you choose to react to it. if you're feeling trapped and that angers, frightens, or frustrates you then let those feelings sink in a little bit and then channel them through whatever medium suits you best. it may sting a bit but scraping out the bad things inside isn't usually a gentle process. don't be afraid to let things hurt for a little while :)

Yeah, it would feel really good to listen to the music I'm craving right now. I'm at work so I can't, but you can bet it's gonna play the second I get in the car to go home.

Let's say you have an emotion that feels wrong and is. And you choose to react by doing nothing, as you should. However, the emotion just stays there, brewing. It doesn't go away just because you don't act on it. I can't figure out how to get these things to go away. They just sit and brew. If I acted on them, I would be doing a lot of harm to my life. So what do you do with all these seemingly extra emotions that you can't express?? It's so hard.

[OrangeAppled]

That's funny...I've been feeling very caged today, in a similar vein as you describe. So yes, I can relate.

[OmarFW]

you just need to start voicing your opinions more regardless of what people think about them

as long as those opinions wont harm someone else on purpose

[jeff614]

Let's say you have an emotion that feels wrong and is. And you choose to react by doing nothing, as you should. However, the emotion just stays there, brewing. It doesn't go away just because you don't act on it. I can't figure out how to get these things to go away. They just sit and brew. If I acted on them, I would be doing a lot of harm to my life. So what do you do with all these seemingly extra emotions that you can't express?? It's so hard.

after a week of being woken up at 2am by the neighbor coming home, slamming doors, stomping around, and then having to listen to his girlfriend grunting and moaning on the other side of the wall i literally began to hate the person. not only was i being woken up but they had the nerve to be having sex on the other side of the wall when i was not getting any! i hated the guy more. i started to hate myself for following stupid moral guidelines when i knew i could easily meet a girl and dive into a physical relationship as i still sometimes miss the touch of a woman. then i started to wish the guy would get in a car wreck. i actually began to wonder if i could loosen a tire or two enough to cause an accident and get away with it.

daylight and an hour or so of sleep had a mild calming effect but i was still angry, bitter, etc. so i channeled all those feelings and did the most unimaginal thing. i knocked on the stranger's door and then explained that the walls were kinda thin and i could hear what's going and was being woken up by it and then asked if they would be a little more quiet at night. so in effect i let the anger and frustration distract me from the fear and awkwardness of approaching a complete stranger if he could keep his girlfriend a little more quiet while banging her brains out. the guy was cool about it and the next day i actually heard him rearranging the furniture in the bedroom which i assume meant he was moving the bed away from our common wall.

i'm not silly enough to believe that things will always work out but i do believe there's value in letting yourself feel certain things and using that energy in a constructive way. so i let the feelings do their thing. if i feel another person is wronging me i'm actually able to approach them. sometimes things work out. sometimes the person helps me see who i added to or caused the situation. sometimes the person goes on being an ignorant bastard and i then i realize they're an ignorant bastard who just can't be reasoned with. i think of them like a bee: avoid them. if i can't, be respectful of the situation when they're around. i get stung a lot less often but when i do i remember that they apparently just doesn't know any better. and yes, i sometimes do wish they'd disembowel themselfs during one of their verbal assaults like a real bee does :)

i hope you find ways to channel your feelings. i usually get the frustration out through video games, exercise, or playing a song as aggressively as possible. and if you do lose your cool in front of people that just means you're human like the rest of us :)