[INFP] Am I just fooling myself? - Page 2

Am I just fooling myself?

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This is a discussion on Am I just fooling myself? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I can not really help you. But I can say that I am in the same situation. Kind of. I ...

  1. #11
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I can not really help you. But I can say that I am in the same situation. Kind of. I do not get the "I do not understand", but I get like "Thank you for the lovely compliments.". She is absorbing everything I throw at her, and not giving anything back, kind of. I feel used, and every move of affection I get from her, I do not know if it is pity or love. Anyway, I also wonder "Am I just fooling myself?"

    Females are truly complicated. And they say males are stupid for not understanding. I do not know what they expect of us

    I am sure the girl you are pursueing is great, listen to your heart =)

  2. #12

    Thank you all for your advice and input. Yes she is going through some deep personal things right now. I guess I just wanted to be more sure of her intentions. I'm breathing a little easier after some time to think about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by darkestar View Post
    The neediness and clingyness though...ouch. INFPs need their space! Doesn't mean the relationship can't work but just be aware of that... Good luck, I hope you find a way to allow yourself to be vulnerable and tell her how you really feel.
    Yeah I definitely know she needs to have her alone time. She will always disappear from time to time and not answer anyones calls. It worried me the first time because I thought maybe something was wrong, but I understand now.

    Writing her is a good idea... I guess I'll jump into the deep end

  3. #13
    INFP - The Idealists

    You really are making too much of an issue with this. Keep it simple.

    1. Don't expect anything in return. Don't expect her to call. Don't expect her to you how she feels. When you have ZERO expectations from another person, you're never disappointed.

    2. When you don't expect anything, it's no longer about her and it's all about you. If you like her, call her to go do something. If she says no then go doing something else because you weren't expect her to say yes. If she does say yes, keep hanging out with her until it stops being fun. This could be five minutes or five years.

    3. Show don't tell. If you like listening to her, don't tell her. Just listen to her. INFPs never tell you their whys so you don't have to in return. Quid pro quo. Trade why questions for why questions.

    4. Understand yourself. You can't change people and it's rude to try. So if there's anything about her current behavior that you don't like, you better find them endearing instead of annoying. You can't change her. She has to change on her own and solve her own issues. You have to like her as is, not how she might be some mythical day in the future.
    Blue Butterfly thanked this post.

  4. #14
    INFP - The Idealists

    are you sure this girl's an INFP? that's something i would never say/think... from my experiences and from what i've read on PC, INFPs tend to hide what they really feel in order to protect themselves. this just sounds like she's putting herself way out there. and she may just be under stress or something... but how do you know she's INFP?

  5. #15
    INFP - The Idealists

    If you like listening to her and can tell her so sincerely, then I would say do it. When I find something that piques my passion I can ramble for hours. When this happens, I often find myself wondering "Have I lost them yet? Bored them into a coma? Do they even care what I'm saying, or are they humoring me by pretending?" As an INFP girl myself, I would find it reassuring if someone told me they liked listening to my thoughts, because it often feels like no one wants to hear them. Or if they do, they get too impatient to let me close all the loose ends of the discussion. If you're as good a listener as you say, I can assure you that she appreciates being heard.

    Also, try not to take offense at her saying you are delusional. INFPs pick themselves apart piece by piece - we are very aware, and sensitive, of our flaws. We amplify them in our head, and it is difficult to sweep them under the rug and pretend that our good qualities make up it. Even if we have many amazing qualities to compensate, our flaws stick out like giant red flags flapping in the wind.

    By saying you're delusional, I think she means that you haven't registered these "oh so obvious" (to her!) flaws. If she's anything like me, she'll anticipate rejection in her near future once you do discover them. It's hard, but try not to take offense at her statement - it sounds like frustration over her own character, not yours.

    I wanted to tell her why I thought she was incredible, that her curiosity about life and philosophy intrigues me and that I love listening to her talk endlessly about what ever she comes up with on her mind. I think shes naive, innocent, and beautiful and I'm attracted to that. I like making her laugh and talking to her all night. I didn't tell her any of this
    If you have the opportunity to in the future, and feel comfortable doing so, I would tell her these things. Especially the part about her curiosity for life and philosophy - in fact, the more specific you can be, the better! It's easy to say that some one is "Nice, smart, pretty," etc., but these things are so vague and impersonal. INFPs spend a lot of time in their own company and know themselves inside and out - if you show that you appreciate the unique things about her, and not just the vague (i.e., one-word descriptions that could apply to anyone) then she will probably be incredibly touched. We tend to assign meaning to everything. :)
    talon235 thanked this post.

  6. #16
    INFP - The Idealists

    INFP's are prone to not believing they are good enough for anybody (beyond friendship)

  7. #17

    She's the one who got me into MBTI? She had me take a test a some weeks back and that's how this whole thing started and I came to PC. Although I don't think she is as interested in it as I am at this point.

    Quote Originally Posted by TentacleZoom View Post
    When I find something that piques my passion I can ramble for hours. When this happens, I often find myself wondering "Have I lost them yet? Bored them into a coma? Do they even care what I'm saying, or are they humoring me by pretending?")
    ^^This makes me smile <3... "Yeah I'm little lost, I'm having a great time, I'm just trying to keep up..."
    Last edited by talon235; 04-09-2010 at 08:55 PM.

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