'Why are you being so quiet?"
I can't count the number of times I am asked that. I think there's a good chance most INFP's have been asked that question in the past. I am never quite sure how to respond.
What bothers me is that people equate being quiet with being a shy person. I have nothing against shyness, but I don't feel like it's an accurate representation of my experience. Merriam webster defines shy as "feeling nervous or uncomfortable about meeting and talking to people". I am usually comfortable around people (unless I have a good reason not to be, such as knowing them to be judgmental) but I am still pretty quiet in groups. I don't like talking unless I feel like I have something I really want to share. I don't want to talk just for the sake of talking. Even on here, I rarely comment and almost never start threads. It's not because I'm not comfortable to. We're all INFP's. We're homies. I just don't often have an urge to share.
But I understand why that makes people feel frustrated with me. They want to get to know me better and feel that my quietness is an obstacle to that. I appreciate them trying to engage with me, but I often feel stuck. I don't want to speak, especially if I am in a big group, where several conversations are already happening. It's chaotic enough as it is and it's taking everything I have not to feel overwhelmed. Thinking of conversation topics on top of that? I can't. I don't feel like it's shyness that's stopping me, but rather that my resources are turned inwardly, trying to regulate the flow of information I am being bombarded with, and not much energy is left for sharing.
So here are my questions:
1) Can anyone relate to being quiet/in your head a lot, but not feeling shy?
2) If being quiet means that you don't get close to people unless you spend time one on one with them (and that doesn't always happen), should you try to change that about yourself in order to connect with more people? Is it even possible to change? I tell myself I am going to be more talkative in social settings, but then it just doesn't happen. I'll throw in a comment every now and then, but I can't manage talking the whole time. Sometimes, I am even quiet when I am just with one person, but that's due to either me being out of it (I am really not a morning person) or the other person having said something mocking and now I think they might make fun of anything I share.