[Ethiope]

Hi,

There was a post awhile back about older INFPs (not sure exactly when you turn "older," but I'm pretty sure I'm there) and basically about how their life has turned out so far. I wanted to revisit this because I think it's really useful info for younger INFPs, and I've just been thinking about the discoveries I've made about myself as an INFP that I didn't know were personality traits when I was younger (and often thought they were faults) and how that's lead to self-acceptance.

Specifically, today I've been thinking about the INFP propensity to become bored easily. I DEFINITELY have this trait and wish I'd really embraced this when I was younger. I think our society sees being easily bored as a personality fault and as something you should grow out of or at least override as you get older. I disagree but I think when I was younger I absorbed this attitude as well only to find that I haven't grown out of it at all.

I'm a doctor and one of the many reasons I don't like it is that it's BORING!!! Or maybe I should say it's too monotonous, something I wouldn't have assumed prior to doing it. I've been struggling with this for 8+ years hoping it might ease, but it's only gotten worse.

As I've journeyed along my INFP discovery I've worked to understand myself and my traits, which I think we all know are often unique when compared with the general society. This can make it hard to be an INFP without lots of self-understanding and self-acceptance. The really great thing is that with maturity comes more self-understanding/acceptance.

I'm finally getting to the point where I not only understand myself, but I really like the traits that make me different. It's not always easy as evidenced by a current situation where I'm having to let go of a long friendship because we're so different and she doesn't seem to have the capacity to even try to understand me (I'm pretty sure she's an ESTJ). In the past I might have assumed some of her criticisms of me were correct and that there's something wrong with me, but now I see her as the one with the problem because she lacks the ability for depth and true empathy. That's what coming to appreciate yourself as an INFP can do. She has a very dynamic, charismatic personality that masks a selfish, shallow, often unkind person. I didn't really see this (or maybe didn't want to see it) before because I bought into all the charisma. But, now I see her for what she is and realize that we have never really had anything in common. All we do together is go out to dinner. That's it! And, she doesn't like to do many new things. Again, I used to feel uncomfortable like I was at fault because everyone around her thinks she's so great, but now I see so much more clearly.



And, as far as the easily bored thing, I think it's a trait that helps direct you to certain types of lifestyles that are very important, even if the society doesn't always appreciate it. People that are easily bored, if they follow their hearts, will probably end up in things like creative fields where things are changing all the time, or as venture capitalist or consultants - things that are necessary in our world but that people might not do because they involve too much risk if the drive against boredom weren't so strong. Then we'd have no one going that route and look how much worse off we'd be.

Embrace INFP!!!

[ethylester]

Thank you for your post, elder INFP! :)
I am 30 and am only beginning to acknowledge that I get bored easily, and call it boredom. Growing up, I would be told by my father that if I was bored, it was my own fault. Meaning, if I can't find something to do, then I'm stupid because there are plenty of things I could do instead of mope around. And I agreed with him for a long time. It resulted in my feeling very guilty every time a twinge of boredom came around. My guilt would then paralyze me, and I would sit there feeling sorry for myself and mope even more. I didn't get anything accomplished and I felt pretty worthless. My mind would be forming endless lists of "what I could be doing" and then I would just sit there feeling stuck. I can't say that I am 100% turned around from that kind of thinking, but I am slowly making progress. This forum has been helping a lot in this. How do you battle your boredom at work? What about in your private life? Do you ever feel stuck even though you have options in front of you?

About your friend, I feel like I can really relate for the same reasons. I have a friend I grew up with and have known for 16 years now. We work together now and I see him every day. Aside from getting sick of each other from seeing each other every day, I have come to see him in a different light. It's very sad to me as I consider him like a brother. But it's like what you said, he doesn't really have the depth for empathy. I see glimmers of it here and there but I also see someone who always thinks he's right about everything and is so stubborn he can't even hear your side. He was always like this, but now it's even more so. He makes it very hard to be his friend, everyone has to do what he wants or else he will not hang out. He now sides with people I find to be extremely arrogant and out-of-touch with other people which has brought out his own arrogance. He didn't used to be like that. The pain of this drifting apart is kind of big right now and I wonder if he feels it too. When he criticizes me, I can't help but take it personally, like there is something wrong with me. But slowly I am beginning to see that we have grown into very different people and neither person should have to change. This is who we are.

Anyway, thanks for your post!

[Blue Butterfly]

I am 46 and find that I get bored a lot. I have been working as a programmer analyst for the past 10- years and I am getting sick of it. Even though there is a lot of variety in my job I still have lost interest. I think for me it is working in the thinking world. As an INFP I don't fit in with the people and they make sure I know it.

[Ethiope]

Thank you for your post, elder INFP! :)
I am 30 and am only beginning to acknowledge that I get bored easily, and call it boredom. Growing up, I would be told by my father that if I was bored, it was my own fault. Meaning, if I can't find something to do, then I'm stupid because there are plenty of things I could do instead of mope around. And I agreed with him for a long time. It resulted in my feeling very guilty every time a twinge of boredom came around. My guilt would then paralyze me, and I would sit there feeling sorry for myself and mope even more. I didn't get anything accomplished and I felt pretty worthless. My mind would be forming endless lists of "what I could be doing" and then I would just sit there feeling stuck. I can't say that I am 100% turned around from that kind of thinking, but I am slowly making progress. This forum has been helping a lot in this. How do you battle your boredom at work? What about in your private life? Do you ever feel stuck even though you have options in front of you?

About your friend, I feel like I can really relate for the same reasons. I have a friend I grew up with and have known for 16 years now. We work together now and I see him every day. Aside from getting sick of each other from seeing each other every day, I have come to see him in a different light. It's very sad to me as I consider him like a brother. But it's like what you said, he doesn't really have the depth for empathy. I see glimmers of it here and there but I also see someone who always thinks he's right about everything and is so stubborn he can't even hear your side. He was always like this, but now it's even more so. He makes it very hard to be his friend, everyone has to do what he wants or else he will not hang out. He now sides with people I find to be extremely arrogant and out-of-touch with other people which has brought out his own arrogance. He didn't used to be like that. The pain of this drifting apart is kind of big right now and I wonder if he feels it too. When he criticizes me, I can't help but take it personally, like there is something wrong with me. But slowly I am beginning to see that we have grown into very different people and neither person should have to change. This is who we are.

Anyway, thanks for your post!

Now, I'm not THAT much older (44)! LOL!

I'm dealing with my boredom with work by planning and working towards my escape. I just started a masters in interior design. While I think anything can become boring over time, I'm hoping that the fact that the projects, locations and people I'll be dealing with will change all the time will make it less likely to cause boredom. My free time is better, but I also got myself stuck in a place that is boring. I'm single with no kids and I live in a suburb 50 miles from D.C. It's nice but family-oriented, so not a lot for a single person to do. So, I'm going to make sure that once I break free that I relocate to somewhere close enough to a city to be able to get to the museums, theatre, ballet and such easily.

I've known for ever that being stuck somewhere is very bad for me, but I didn't know how medicine, by it's nature, traps you. Between the student loans, the employment contracts that everyone wants you to sign that lock you in for years, the expectations of other people and the locations where work is available it's a very confining profession. And, unless you're a neurosurgeon or cardiothoracic surgeon, the money is not what people think, so it's not so easy to pay the loans off. But, I'm determined that I'm not gonna live the rest of my life like this even if it means I have to file bankruptcy. Going back to school has made a huge difference. It feels so good using my creativity and being around people who understand that.

I'm finally clear on the need to embrace my personality, including the easy boredom, and just make sure to make decisions that will off-set that and definitely not to get myself into anymore contracts or anything. I need to be able to move and act when I want to, not when some corporation or other person decides I can. Being stuck where I am for 8+ years has been like wilting on the vine, but it's finally starting to turn around. The bad thing is that it makes it hard to find security in life. To be honest, if I had to name the number one reason I became a doctor it's because I wanted security, and I still do want that. But, it hasn't turned out to be secure at all (that's a long story for another time) and now I'm in something that isn't secure but that I don't like either. I own my own practice, and that is a good fit for me because it gives me freedom, and I'll probably want to work for myself in design as well eventually. But, with freedom comes less security. So, it's a trade-off and I now realize that for me, I have to go the freedom/creativity route because the other way is death for me. That sort of bums me out a bit, though, because having security would be nice - sigh.

[Ethiope]

I am 46 and find that I get bored a lot. I have been working as a programmer analyst for the past 10- years and I am getting sick of it. Even though there is a lot of variety in my job I still have lost interest. I think for me it is working in the thinking world. As an INFP I don't fit in with the people and they make sure I know it.

That losing interest thing sure can be a challenge, can't it? There's just so much of interest out in the world to have to focus on the same thing all the time forever!

[Stillwater]

I agree, I'm sitting here typing this on this site at work because I'm bored with the monotony of my job and the loud obnoxious rantings of my estj coworkers , some days I can swallow it, others like today I can't. Thank god for the internet and all the possibilities and diversions it offers.

I'm "older" like you, but watch other types my age or older settle into a monotonous routine domesticity, something I can't do as an infp, the world is still big and cool to me with lots of fun things to continue exploring, new hobbies , new books, travels, ideas, people, etc. a way of seeing life that I hope carries well into old old age. The have to do things in life that are expected of us all, marriage, kids, life long career are fading away and I find it freeing.

[Ethiope]

I agree, I'm sitting here typing this on this site at work because I'm bored with the monotony of my job and the loud obnoxious rantings of my estj coworkers , some days I can swallow it, others like today I can't. Thank god for the internet and all the possibilities and diversions it offers.

I'm "older" like you, but watch other types my age or older settle into a monotonous routine domesticity, something I can't do as an infp, the world is still big and cool to me with lots of fun things to continue exploring, new hobbies , new books, travels, ideas, people, etc. a way of seeing life that I hope carries well into old old age. The have to do things in life that are expected of us all, marriage, kids, life long career are fading away and I find it freeing.

I agree. I'm not married perhaps for lots of reasons, but I think on big one is commitment phobia about getting stuck and getting bored. I don't think it's impossible, I just think it'll take a really special person who I won't become bored with. Those people do exist, but they're few and far between.

You kinda hit on the purpose for my starting this thread. It's sort of a paradox. We're easily bored with the things in life that society says are supposed to sustain you, but when you look past those things, life has SO much to offer. It's a never-ending feast of new things to learn and explore that make getting older far from boring. You just have to embrace your nature and let go of what society expects, which is not usually an easy task. My only concern is that there's no way I can do all I want to do in the normal human lifespan.

[Subtleness]

i myself don't get bored often, although I have the same problem for commitment. :P Sometimes, when I feel down, and I don't have what i want in life, I just try to think of all the suffering people and think how lucky I am to be living, and rather comfortably too! I also use them as my inspiration to do the most mundane, boring things with such reverence and patience, just to reach a goal. Pretty much, I try to be content with life, as much as I am content with myself.

[Ghrim]

Soon to be 27 here. The only time I ever get bored, and this has been pretty much a constant throughout life, is when I'm being told what to do. When I'm not in control of my own actions and have to restrain my focus to someone else's priorities, I get bored, because the way I see it, I'm not even a human being when I'm being controlled by someone else. Lock me in a closet with absolutely nothing, but allow me complete control over my own actions within that space... and I honestly wonder if I'd ever get bored.

It sucks when most of modern day life seems to be about meeting the demands placed on you by other people, most of home you'll never even meet. I feel like my entire life so far has been a war with the world just for the freedom to be myself, and I'm working on accepting the apparent reality that, though I may win battles and maybe even earn cease fires... that war is never going to end.

I also fear not having enough time in life to explore everything I want. I need several lifetimes -- three for books, one for games, one for travel, one for films, a couple to just try every profession I can, one for revolution, one just to see how outrageous and awesome I can be... and this is without employment in completely pointless jobs sucking up time during those lifetimes.

I can't relate at all to people who admit that if they had absolute freedom to do whatever they wanted that they would do nothing... just sit around... it blows my mind... I value my life too much to do nothing with it, yet it feels like that's exactly what I'm doing much of the time :(

[Blackbird]

Soon to be 27 here. The only time I ever get bored, and this has been pretty much a constant throughout life, is when I'm being told what to do. When I'm not in control of my own actions and have to restrain my focus to someone else's priorities, I get bored, because the way I see it, I'm not even a human being when I'm being controlled by someone else. Lock me in a closet with absolutely nothing, but allow me complete control over my own actions within that space... and I honestly wonder if I'd ever get bored.

It sucks when most of modern day life seems to be about meeting the demands placed on you by other people, most of home you'll never even meet. I feel like my entire life so far has been a war with the world just for the freedom to be myself, and I'm working on accepting the apparent reality that, though I may win battles and maybe even earn cease fires... that war is never going to end.

I also fear not having enough time in life to explore everything I want. I need several lifetimes -- three for books, one for games, one for travel, one for films, a couple to just try every profession I can, one for revolution, one just to see how outrageous and awesome I can be... and this is without employment in completely pointless jobs sucking up time during those lifetimes.

I can't relate at all to people who admit that if they had absolute freedom to do whatever they wanted that they would do nothing... just sit around... it blows my mind... I value my life too much to do nothing with it, yet it feels like that's exactly what I'm doing much of the time :(

I read the first paragraph and went, "WOW! Someone who knows EXACTLY how I've felt!" and was going to quote it. Then I kept reading and I relate to every word you said besides being 27.

These past few years I've been trying really hard to stick to a healthier sleep schedule, because when college began I started staying up until 5 or 6 in the morning just reading and reading and bombarding myself with all the information the internet has to offer. I get antsy because I feel like there's never enough time to learn all the things I want to - I want to learn everything!

And man, the first two paragraphs are really killing me right now. I am aware, too, that in order to be happy in this life we have to accept our reality. But the reality of that battle between freedom and control - god, I hate it so much. I've contemplated moving way out into the country and just sustaining myself to try to avoid it, but I would hate being so alone. Love the city best of all.

Was really nice to read this and know I'm not alone. We'll get there. :)