INFP's and fear of rejection.

INFP's and fear of rejection.

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This is a discussion on INFP's and fear of rejection. within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I know this comes with the whole being an INFP package, being shy and insecure and a frail little flower, ...

  1. #1
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    INFP's and fear of rejection.

    I know this comes with the whole being an INFP package, being shy and insecure and a frail little flower, but let's get at the heart of the issue..
    Are you shy in certain situations? Why are you shy?

    Just wanted to see if other people also had the same thing as me. I've been majorly taken advantage of in the past by manipulative, jealous, overall unhappy people. Actually, looking back at my succession of best friends, not one of them has been nice to me, and at the end of each relationship I'm more and more afraid of being judged. In order to prevent these feelings I guess I've subconsciously driven myself to become extremely composed (what many adults mistake for a shallow maturity). While other types may just bounce back easy, apparently INFP's emotions are finely tuned and sensitive, like someone with a hearing aid turned up a little too high for comfort. So does that make us more prone to throw in the towel too early without support from an assertive type? Have you learned to protect your ego? Just random questions Discuss!
    Last edited by Tawa; 03-09-2010 at 12:17 PM.
    snail thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Unknown Personality


    Quote Originally Posted by Tawa View Post
    Actually, looking back at my succession of best friends, not one of them has been nice too me
    I've had the same type of feeling........


    Quote Originally Posted by Tawa View Post
    While other types may just bounce back easy
    I think one of our down falls is assuming everyone else has it perfect and we don't.
    We shouldn't do that......It's not healthy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tawa View Post
    So does that make us more prone to throw in the towel too early without support from an assertive type? Have you learned to protect your ego? Just random questions. Discuss!
    The only friendship I've broken off was with a good INTJ friend.....he didn't even know i did it...
    i just stopped talking to him.......quite sad actually. I hate it how we do stuff like that.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    I was extremely shy for years & got trampled on everywhere I went. I attempted to adapt by trying to be less INFP but ended up making friends with jerks & felt like I was losing my identity. What works best for me now is still a compromise but, I'm happiest only picking friends who accept me & discarding everyone else, including what they think of me. It was a slow shift that basically shut down my social life at times but no company is better than bad company. Actually, another way of looking at it is that I let friends pick me. Might be 1 in 10 but that's all I need. Anyone trying to pull you down, dump them. Funny but sometimes people didn't respect me until I dumped them, then they change their tune but I've already figured them out & they're a waste of my time.

  4. #4
    Unknown Personality

    I don't really have a fear of rejection because I know anyone out there would be lucky to know me,but It is hard for me to trust anyone.I've been through some terrible times and I've grown from it.
    except I still am getting over a friendship that ended and hurt my heart.
    In all honesty I'm not shy or insecure,I actually find it easier to talk to a big group then
    a one on one convo..

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    i don't like to think of myself as shy. yes, in certain situations.. like when i'm around a new group of people, i can be more reserved/withdrawn than usual.. but that's out of respect for the people around me... like i'm not sure how to act yet. but other times i'm great around people. i know how to put on the mask and make myself appear more outgoing so people don't think i'm a snob. this mask usually wears off though pretty quickly.. it's much too draining to be a fake

    and yes, i feel emotions so intensely it's almost unbearable. i feel like this has the potential to be a blessing. my intensity has fueled some pretty badass blues songs on guitar, transcendental ideas for my art, and the passion! so much passion. we are an intense bunch of people and if you haven't accepted it yet, embrace it!! our reality is influenced almost completely by these feelings.. and it's inevitable that we will experience the entire spectrum fully. maybe over the course of a day. but learn to feel these natural emotions without judging them and see where that takes you! :)
    kusay and saynomore thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists

    Friend is such a loaded word for INFPs - www.infpblog.com/relationships/friends/

    Basically, my philosophy of relationships can be summed up to one sentence: The only common denominator between all your failed relationships is you.

    We can either think that it's not us, it's always them and good relationships will always be out of our hands. Or we can believe that it's something about us that's attracting all these crappy people into our life. Here's the thing. Crappy people were crappy people people long before we let them into our lives. Who's bad decision-making was it to let these people into our lives in the first place?

    I've pretty much learn to overcome my shyness. Social skills are learned just like riding a biking. I'm quite social. I don't expect anything from the people in my life so I'm never disappointed. Also, I think people like being around me because there's no pressure from. Spend time with me, don't spend with me. I have life. I expect my friends to have a life too.

    Currently my good friends that are in the same town and that I see weekly are an INFP, ENTJ, ENFP and an ENFP/J.
    NinjaSwan, android654, saynomore and 1 others thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I used to be terrified of rejection, but now I am better equiped to deal with it, to the point where it doesn't really bother me anymore. I'm still quiet for the most part, but it's because I prefer to listen and observe, not because I'm afraid to speak up. it's still a work in progress, but I've come a hella long way in overcoming my shyness. This also came from becoming more self reliant and not depending on others for my happiness.
    saynomore thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    Acceptance is my main motivation for just about everything I do. Yes, I have a terrible fear of rejection. It probably relates to how I used to feel in school, and the sense that I would only be happy if I could have the one thing that my peers withheld.

  9. #9
    INTP - The Thinkers

    so question on these 'crappy friends'.. Do you tell them that their behavior bothers them? Or do you suddenly turn on them and try to slip away?

    I've been on the other side of this with an INFP. I was friends with her for all the 'right reasons'. I enjoy talking to her, I care about what is going on in her life, and accept her for who she is. But a few weeks ago she was ready to end the friendship b/c I was venting too much and the negativity was getting to her. If she had told me that sooner, I could have easily modified that behavior, but she waited until it got to the breaking point. She gave me another chance, but now I feel like I'm on thin ice with her.

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by unleashthehounds View Post
    so question on these 'crappy friends'.. Do you tell them that their behavior bothers them? Or do you suddenly turn on them and try to slip away?

    I've been on the other side of this with an INFP. I was friends with her for all the 'right reasons'. I enjoy talking to her, I care about what is going on in her life, and accept her for who she is. But a few weeks ago she was ready to end the friendship b/c I was venting too much and the negativity was getting to her. If she had told me that sooner, I could have easily modified that behavior, but she waited until it got to the breaking point. She gave me another chance, but now I feel like I'm on thin ice with her.
    There's a reason why even though I know a lot of INFPs, I'm only friends with one. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around them all the time. Who needs that in their life really?

    The trick is not to let crappy people in your life in the first place. You can't change people and it's rude to try. If I there's any part of someone's personality that I can't accept as they are, isn't it just better to let them find someone who can? It's my Intuition that keeps me away from crappy people. It's internal Intuition so I don't really intuit if someone is good or crap. I can intuit pretty accurately how I feel being around someone.

    That's why I don't have any negative people in my life.

    Here's one thing I've learned about relationships. People don't like us for who we are. For the most part, few really know know who we are. Most never will never know who we are. People like us because of who they are when they're around us.

    Negativity changes the person you pass it on to and not in a good way.


 
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