[calysco]

first off, let me begin by saying that i may not be an INXP- it's very possible that i'm an EXTP that's under stress. but in the case that i am not...

i know it sounds absolutely terrible, but i find that i get bored of friends in the following situations:

1) i find that the other party has become far too dependent on me.

2) i find that the other person has nothing to teach me and the conversation is one-sided (with me usually teaching them/advising them).

3) i find that they've "stolen" my personality and is mimicking me in behavior and humor

basically, i hate imbalance and it irritates me to no end when i find that a friendship has become this way. it is enough for me to end the friendship. i wish i didnt feel like this, but i find that by staying in the friendship, the other person can easily sense that i'm forcing myself to hang out with them (i hear that i'm easy to read) and becomes irritated. then i get even more irritated when i sense their irritation in response to my irritation. i dont want to ignore them because that seems cowardly but at the same time when i tell them what i think about them, they get really pissed and that causes trouble for me later on. i've tried distancing myself before but as it is, it seems that the people who embody the situations above are really sensitive and can immediately tell what i'm doing.



...so yeah. does this happen to you guys as well? and if so, how do you deal with it?

[elikipeki]

you sound like an INFJ when you list those things....

i am not sure that i am INFP, but here is my input: i know it sounds horrible, but if i had no other friends, i would probably stick with the boring person and seek my mental stimulation elsewhere. if i had other interesting friends, i would probably start talking to them more and i would probably slowly stop talking to the boring person. i wouldn't end a friendship or become bored of a person in any of those three situations, but i would find a friendship boring if they couldn't keep up with some of the concepts that i was addressing - i do get irritated having to explain myself excessively.

i deal with the general lack of mental stimulation i find in some of my friends by looking to books and classes for elucidation, and only talking to them when i am in a positive mood.

[Psilo]

With me, I have friends or aquaintances. If you are an aquaintances, then you aren't close enough to earn loyalty. If I don't enjoy spending time with you, I'd probably slowly disappear as I distanced myself, very likely without realizing. If you are a friend, I don't consider you boring.

I hope that didn't come across as heartless. I don't have the energy for many friends as I'm a very private person and prefer to be alone most of the time. I don't feel I should have to expend the energy, nor do I want to put up a facade of being the friend if my heart isn't full in it.
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[tehTerminator]

With me, I have friends or aquaintances. If you are an aquaintances, then you aren't close enough to earn loyalty. If I don't enjoy spending time with you, I'd probably slowly disappear as I distanced myself, very likely without realizing. If you are a friend, I don't consider you boring.


I hope that didn't come across as heartless. I don't have the energy for many friends as I'm a very private person and prefer to be alone most of the time. I don't feel I should have to expend the energy, nor do I want to put up a facade of being the friend if my heart isn't full in it.

This is all true for me as well. I used to think I didn't have any friends, than I realized I had quite a few people who considered me to be theirs but who I didn't at all consider to be mine.
Right now I only consider one person my friend,( along with a few others I haven't spoken with for years who I'm pretty sure have forgotten about me) and we hardly keep any contact at all:/
Anyways, friends are those whom I could never lose interest in and who shall for ever have a piece of my heart.

[starfruit]

Thats happened for all my friendships.. I used to (and still sometimes) think something is really wrong with me, with how quickly I become bored or irritated with other people. I also hate the imbalanced feelings in friendships.. like they have so much fun with me, but I spend our "friendship" being bored with them or listening to their problems. I decided I'm incapable of keeping friendships, unless I saw the person so rarely.

But yeah.. anyway. I don't end the friendship because thats unfair, but I gradually distance myself from the other person so I can at least get a break from their personality.

[Memphisto]

I'm pretty much the same as everybody else... In this kind of situation I distance myself...and they become more of an acquaintance than a friend. I used to just disappear when I was younger but I've learned how this can hurt people. I'm trying not to do this anymore. So rather than end the friendship (if they're a good person...and I'm just bored with them) I'll distance myself and hang out with them every once in a while. Sometimes if somebody is nice but I just don't have a lot in common only seeing them every so often can be enjoyable. We actually have things to discuss because we don't speak often.

[calysco]

I also hate the imbalanced feelings in friendships.. like they have so much fun with me, but I spend our "friendship" being bored with them or listening to their problems.

that sounds like some of the friends i used to have. they were selfish and self-absorbed. whenever we were together, they would just bitch about the same problems over and over again. despite giving them advice and patiently listening to their problems, in the end i found out that they were more interested in bitching than in actually solving their own problems. furthermore i found out that they didnt really care that much about me, not to mention that they became extremely dependent on me and became angry with me if i didnt shower them with attention. after experiencing the fifth friend like this, i found out that i exhibited codependency behavior.

(Codependency - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

from that point on, i avoided making friends with anyone who reminded me of those shitty friends who do nothing but talk about themselves.

[starfruit]

I'm not sure if I show that behavior but it seems likely. Thanks for the information. I've always felt that it was my job to listen to people's problems, because not everyone has someone to talk to and a lot of people really need to know they have support in their lives. But I'm getting really sick of one-sided friendships where I become a personal therapist, you know?

[calysco]

I'm not sure if I show that behavior but it seems likely. Thanks for the information. I've always felt that it was my job to listen to people's problems, because not everyone has someone to talk to and a lot of people really need to know they have support in their lives. But I'm getting really sick of one-sided friendships where I become a personal therapist, you know?

yes. i know what you mean. take care of yourself before you try to take care of others. otherwise, you might end up getting bitter and angry like i did.

i've always felt a need to be the best friend possible- that it was my DUTY to always be there for them. (possibly from experience growing up in a household where my parents were usually fighting. always telling me about their problems, always trying to get me to be on their side) however, once it becomes an obligation, it isnt a true gift anymore. i dunno if it's true for you, but for me, once it becomes expected, i begin to expect the other party to also do the same service for me when i need it. unfortunately, i found out the hard way that the people who complain the most are the ones who are the most unwilling to give back. they're so self-absorbed in their own problems and they cant see or bother to understand the other person's suffering.

try and find people who are as generous with their time and effort as you are. they're the ones who make friendship worth it. :)

[napoleon227]

I believe that friendship, like so much else in life, is transitory. People drift in and out of our lives all the time for a variety of reasons. There will be some friendships that last a lifetime, but many more will not. It's OK, it's just the way things are. Even close friends can drift apart when they no longer have so much in common (which would probably lead to boredom). I don't see any reason to maintain any relationship if it is not mutually beneficial.

On the other hand, if I really like someone, I try hard to make sure they think of me as beneficial.