[dromedee]

Well, first of all I do love my mom, she's my mom after all and I can't help but love her. However, at times she is so unreasonably shallow that it shocks me. I know everyone can be shallow to some extent, including myself, but sometimes my mom's shallowness just doesn't make much sense to me.

For example sometime in december I met this really, really great guy. He's the kind of guy any parent would want their daughter to date. I mean he's really sweet, considerate, respectful, polite, responsible, etc. And on top of that he's of the same background as me and is my cousin's best friend, so he is pretty close to my family over there. Well my mom, who is an ESFP, doesn't approve of him because of his height. First of all I myself am pretty short, like below 5'2", so most people are taller than me. My guy isn't unusually short, I mean he is still taller than me and grrr it's just soo frustrating. I know his height is the only thing that bothers her because when I try to discuss it with her, all she ever has to say deals with his lack of height. You would think that all his great qualities would outweigh something so trivial, but noo not in her world. She approved of my ex who most conservative parents would not approve of just because he was really tall. Ridiculous.



I just feel that in general my mom doesn't understand where I'm coming from. I'm a freshman in college and a month ago I was working at this one place that had me working practically everyday, which made my grades suffer. And well one day last month I had this breakdown at work because things became so stressful and chaotic that I could not help but sit in the bathroom and cry for 20 min. That job was truly traumatizing. Thankfully I got out of there soon after that incident. However my mom became really upset with me for quitting despite the fact that it was not good for my well being and my grades were slipping. It took her several weeks to accept my decision and even now she occasionally makes bitter comments about it. I just don't understand how she doesn't see where I'm coming from. Anyone else with a parent(s) like this? Any advise. Oh and sorry about the rant, I do that sometimes :)

[TruePassion]

Yes.

Its funny because i just got finished a discussion with my father which left me a bit steamed. Both my parents consistently remind me of times when i've made mistakes or happened to have let life get the better of me. I let my grades slip at one time in my life and now, every once in a while, i'll hear something like "You could've gone to a better college, gotten full scholarship, etc etc" or "I don't see why you chose not to take over your father's law firm or become a pharmacist, the arts aren't going to pay very well..."

likewise, in regards to girls i've dated, my mother tends to clump my ex's together and say that i've dated the same girl with different faces when in fact that is not true.

All in all this does little to nothing for my self esteem when i'm already hard on myself. i know i can do better and many times i prove it but it does little for me because i had to prove it for the person to believe in me. In my moments when i hit a pothole i find myself wishing that my parents, instead of reacting as they usually do, would give me a hug, let me have my cry, let me know it will be ok and let that be that without the criticism or comments. Guilt and harsh criticism is not constructive nor does it help when they are not so careful with their words. Sadly, many people are like this and its very discouraging for me. So believe me when i say i can relate.

When it comes to dealing with the parents i can only say i've approached the angle from so many angles and the only true one that worked best was being direct. I can't say this is the happiest or easiest way but in the end its, at least in my opinion, the best. (try to refrain from completely lashing out at them as, at least in my experience, it is very frustrating at times)

Otherwise, forgive her for her shortcomings because you know you already love her. You know who you like and although you probably would love to have the approval of your parents it can be sometimes more frustrating than beneficial. If your mother persists in her opinions let her know that you'd rather not speak with her about the topic. She'll eventually learn (especially if you help her to understand) and things can get better. Otherwise all i can say is, It'll be ok : ) (i apologize ahead of time for the particular post, it seems a bit garbled/sloppy to me)

[infpblog]

My parents aren't shallow. I don't think anyone is shallow. People just have different sets of values and ideals that are incompatible with ours. My parents and I had incompatible values.

I didn't get along with parent because they wanted me to live my life according to their values and not the life I wanted. So I moved out at 19, got a job at a movie theater, paid rent and stopped talking to my parents for 7 years. They didn't even meet my wife until after I was married. They didn't know I was seeing anyone.

It was finally then that they realized that I was going to live my life whether they were in it or not. That's when their behavior changed. They stopped criticizing and they stopped giving me unsolicited advice. We get along great now, but completely on my terms.

[Guinevere]

Yes. My Dad can be tragically shallow at times. I want to study art and have aspirations to someday be a self employed artist. I realise that the earning potential is sporadic, but I value job satisfaction over earning a large salary. However, everytime I talk about my future, my Dad always brings the topic around to money. He wants me to go into advertising but I know I would drown in such a competitive, fast paced environment. I quit my job in insurance a few years ago and whenever we get into an argument, my Dad screams ''Why didn't you stick at that job?! You could be earning £££££ by now!''.

[Paradigm]

My dad and my sister (who have the same basic personality) aren't shallow, but they're materialistic. It's one of the mindsets I just can't understand. How is spending money on something you don't need, or sometimes even want, good? It's one of the many reasons we don't get along.

My mom, on the other hand, is okay. I wouldn't call her shallow or materialistic. Critical, though, very very critical. We usually have a good relationship together because our shyness and humor are about the same. I just have to be careful not to bring up a controversy like my grades or some of my plans for the future.

[Indigo Aria]

My parents aren't shallow. I don't think anyone is shallow. People just have different sets of values and ideals that are incompatible with ours. My parents and I had incompatible values.

I didn't get along with parent because they wanted me to live my life according to their values and not the life I wanted. So I moved out at 19, got a job at a movie theater, paid rent and stopped talking to my parents for 7 years. They didn't even meet my wife until after I was married. They didn't know I was seeing anyone.

It was finally then that they realized that I was going to live my life whether they were in it or not. That's when their behavior changed. They stopped criticizing and they stopped giving me unsolicited advice. We get along great now, but completely on my terms.

I like this thought, and my life was very similar until recently. Luckily I was able to make them realize that I live my my life on my terms without such drastic measures. I'm still working on moving out though, which is tough in this economy at 19...

[pixiesticks]

My parents aren't shallow, but they are narrow-minded cynics, which makes our personalities very incompatible. They're often frustrated with my liberal idealism and that I have "my head in the clouds". I'm often frustrated with their narrow world-view and cynical (or, as they would say, "realistic") way of looking at life and people. They believe the worst in people, I like to believe in the best. I don't really like to argue, but boy can I go for it with my parents!

[polaroid sea]

Yes. My Dad can be tragically shallow at times. I want to study art and have aspirations to someday be a self employed artist. I realise that the earning potential is sporadic, but I value job satisfaction over earning a large salary. However, everytime I talk about my future, my Dad always brings the topic around to money. He wants me to go into advertising but I know I would drown in such a competitive, fast paced environment. I quit my job in insurance a few years ago and whenever we get into an argument, my Dad screams ''Why didn't you stick at that job?! You could be earning £££££ by now!''.

holy moose. your dad and mine should go to the pub and be shallow together. they may find they're victims of a transatlantic parallel universe whirlpool.

my dad idolizes fucking donald trump. i swear he can bring every possible topic of conversation around to money in under two degrees of separation. and he says the exact same thing and tries to make me regret my decision to quit a job i hate because, while it devours my soul at an alarming rate, it's lucrative.

every few weeks or every few days even, he'll say,

'but don't you wish you were still working there? think of all the money you'd have'

and every time my answer's unchanged.

roll eyes, exasperated sigh. no dad.

i'm tired of the predictability of our conversations, frankly.

aesthetically shallow too, yeah. i'm currently pseudo-dating someone i'm honestly not physically attracted to. but he's an ENFJ and we are perfect for each other in all other respects. i don't care about appearance. and yet the first thing my parents wanted to know when first they heard of him was 'is he handsome?'. thanks, guys.

[Nasmoe]

I think my mom is a bit shallow. I know she is very image conscious and always looks at people in disgust who are not to her standards if that makes sense. Like anytime she sees an overweight person she is always like Oh my god! that doesnt make any sense that they are so big. She always makes fun of people behind their backs and she is very narrow minded in my opinion. And she is very shallow when it comes to boys who like me or boys that I like. If they dont look good enough she says stuff like dont go with him he will mess up the gene pool or something to that affect.

[amanda32]

No, my parent's aren't perfect but they're definitely NOT shallow.
It would be rough having shallow parents. I can't imagine.