[susurration]

This is the thing that makes me wish I was more extraverted... usually the more people around me, the more I withdraw, frustrating as all hell.

[sweethomealabama]

Just out of interest, what do you feel is the importance of the group connection, and how do you feel this out weighs the loathing? Members of my family have bugged me about maintaining friendships, saying they become more important as you get older. However the older I get the less social I want to be!!

INFPaul- thanks for your inquiry. I suppose i will pen my response with a question- Do you want to grow old and die alone? Seriously, sorry to bring up mortality, but, there is some level of comfort, in the end in knowing we aren't alone. Further, it is reasonable to think, as a person ages, they are likely to have less responsibility- children out of the house, working less and less, less financial demands- in other words, through the progression of life, things SHOULD get a bit easier. that means more "down time." I imagine you couldn't be any more"less social" than me- i am just making the effort. Ultimately, humans are social creatures. I assure- you cannot live in this world without a social group. Have you ever seen the movie Castaway (Tom Hanks)? I "get" it- wanting to isolate, but, in the end things just seem more meaningful if they are shared with others. There is a healthy level of introversion and i think i embody such. But, on the flip side, it can become pathological- take Schizoid Personality Disorder. For me, it is just important not to border on the pathological side. For what it is worth, i think your family is offering you some worthy advice. Good news - at least you are connected to this forum- see you do seek social connections....smiling. Get out in the world- find someone or something, somewhere, somehow.

[sweethomealabama]

This is the thing that makes me wish I was more extraverted... usually the more people around me, the more I withdraw, frustrating as all hell.

Susurration- i am the same way. it is really difficult for me to be around folks. but, i take comfort in knowing as much as i squirm when i am with others, those same folk squirm the minute they have solitude.

[susurration]

I am conflicted about this.... I have seen a tonne of research, and I know on an intellectual level how important social contact is, like if I were to suggest a non medicinal way to manage most- if not all- personal concerns, it would be to increase good contact with people, and be socially engaged on a deep level. I do think human well being based on research all points to that. Social exclusion/self non inclusion based on all that research, is profoundly traumatic all the way down to histology.

I am just not naturally inclined to keep up unless I have to, I really rub estjs in group projects wrong in this way, and especially have troubles with women in general. I come across as teh evil, when really I am just akward about these things, I do try though.

I am not content with leaving it at that point though, I do push myself on these matters, and accept feedback cos I need it D:

[infpaul]

Thankyou @sweethomealabama, yes that all makes sense. Like you I am very extreme on the social scale. I suppose the groups I am involved in are very 'casual' which suits me fine, I can drift in and out as I want or need, perhaps you need a group that is less formal and orderly?

Funnily enough as much as I don't much like the idea of dying, I worry little about dying alone. I worry more about dying before my brother or sister, as they often both said how difficult it would be if they were the last sibling left alive of the three of us. Hopefully I can keep going and be there for the both of them when their time comes!

[Nintaku]

I am conflicted about this.... I have seen a tonne of research, and I know on an intellectual level how important social contact is, like if I were to suggest a non medicinal way to manage most- if not all- personal concerns, it would be to increase good contact with people, and be socially engaged on a deep level. I do think human well being based on research all points to that. Social exclusion/self non inclusion based on all that research, is profoundly traumatic all the way down to histology.

I am just not naturally inclined to keep up unless I have to, I really rub estjs in group projects wrong in this way, and especially have troubles with women in general. I come across as teh evil, when really I am just akward about these things, I do try though.

I am not content with leaving it at that point though, I do push myself on these matters, and accept feedback cos I need it D:

My feedback: -cuddles- ^_^
You just need big subby Nintaku there to cheer you up, and then, when you're feeling good, I'll flutter away until I am needed again. =P

[Calvaire]

I've been having a harder and harder time with this.I Lived with someone I considered to be my best friend (and her family,she was an ISTP btw) for almost three years,but because of certain unstable conditions and myself becoming mentally just not in a good space at all I decided to leave and because of that I lost someone who was a best friend,but really it wasn't a healthy friendship.I feel like a lot of the times I get into this unhealthy cycle of friendships. Also I'm not certain even how to join any sort of group,I live in a small town and there isn't much,I wouldn't know the first thing about finding anyone to hang out with.

I do have one close friend,who I've known since sixth grade,but we didn't even really become close until after high school and now we try and hang out at least once a week and update each other on our week/what we've been up to.I feel bad sometimes though because I have never really opened up to her about some stuff well a lot really I mean I can discuss my views on stuff with her and rant about more shallower subjects and it's not her fault she's great really the sweetest person ive ever met it's me.I just can't open up emotionally.

[TheLordlyOne]

Funnily enough as much as I don't much like the idea of dying, I worry little about dying alone. I worry more about dying before my brother or sister, as they often both said how difficult it would be if they were the last sibling left alive of the three of us. Hopefully I can keep going and be there for the both of them when their time comes!

Whats funny is that I tell everyone that is important in my life this exact same thing. I would rather suffer the sorrow of losing them than for them to suffer for me. I have always felt that I was much more emotionally secure than anyone around me. Just funny that someone else in this world thinks the same thing.

Social groups have always been an interesting thing to me. I find that I will have a core group of "brothers" that I trust and can call on when needed. Then below them is my blood family, friends, old friends, then everyone else. I am really just looking to be a part of some kind of community, though in my own way. I have no problem meeting people. The instant I say hello they start to just naturally calm down and relax around me. Don't understand it but will gladly just accept it.

[catherder]

this is kidna funny i thought it was just me.

in high school there were 4 groups, i belonged to one but i find myself being mixed into the other 3. sometimes i'd hang out with them and it seems very traitor-y to other people. but i just get bored sometimes and i feel i need a new perspective. i genuinely like people and i feel they are comfy with me because the can talk about anything and ask anything without being judged. even though i was called a weirdo, i didnt really feel ostracized.

in college though i didnt like groups anymore, i think i "look" like an extrovert with my makeup and clothes so i end up being thought of as a snob if i dont talk to people. i didnt really know this until i found out about mbti's. there were groups that asked me to join them but i thought it was too high school..so i didnt. lol. that was ok for that group but during my final years i was asked again by another bunch and i ignored them, and they made it hell for me. i regretted it because i didnt feel like going to school anymore due to what they did to me. they on purpose didnt tell me about school stuff and i couldnt properly do thesis and stuff because nobody wanted me. oh well. i definitely learned from that. but it shows how people are, doesnt it?

cant forget that girl/woman who really punished me. i forgive her and all but i really didnt understand why she was like that, openly insulting and mocking. i had to go out of my way to be her friend so the rest of my school days would be ok.

[Totalbrit]

This is going to sound harsh but a lot of the time I just move on because I am bored. I like change. The only friends I keep are the ones that are really worth keeping, all the others I may be sad to see go but I get over it.

So yes, I have problems maintaining my social group.