[questforself]

I noticed that about myself. There seems to be certain people where being conversational flows naturally with them, but it's very few people haha. Sometimes I'm listening to a conversation that I find personally interesting but I can't contribute on a moments notice and I'm just contemplating on what I might say but don't say anything most of the time.

[questforself]

For me it really depends on who I'm around. Given the right company I can be the life of the party and always have something interesting to say. If it's not the right company I will retreat into myself... and yes I will be very boring and dull. I guess my advice would be to choose the people where you feel more outgoing and work on your social skills from there.

I noticed about myself as well. There are only certain people where my conversational skills flow naturally with ease with, but it's very few people I can do this with it seems. There are other times when I'm with a few people and the others are having a conversation that I'm interested in but I'd just be stuck contemplating on what to say but only a little bit of what I wanted to say actually comes out of my mouth. This is with people I don't have natural conversational flow with, by the way.

[questforself]

I'm beginning to wonder if anyone ever feels social. I also had very little experience in the social world as a child, and as a teenager things have been especially awkward for me and I've always blamed it on that. But now that I'm kind of putting myself out there I'm really wondering what makes a person social anyway. Is it how many friends they have? I don't think so. I think it's if they have the ability to form meaningful friendships (something that I've definitely always struggled with admittedly).

But as for expressing myself verbally, I can't do that at all. My sentences hardly ever make any sort of sense and usually just trail off about halfway through...people who matter don't seem to mind though. Also, people won't care as much if you just roll with it, as well, I think. If you freak out when you feel exposed then they'll be sure to pick up on it, and what they do with that realization depends on what kind of person they are.

Hope that helps? You're definitely not the only INFP with issues of communication, though, I can personally assure you of that

It seems not being able to express oneself verbal is actually one of the defining characteristics of an INFP according the responses on this thread :/ I also think I have trouble forming meaningful friendships as well. You would think that INFPs would gravitate towards each other to form meaningful friendships but maybe this inability to express ourselves outwardly prevents us from doing so.

[gatsby]

I've met one other person that I was almost completely sure was an INFP, and we were very close friends for a long time. Unfortunately we were also not-at-all close friends (enemies?) for an even longer time after that. And then I don't even know what we were for a while, but I still got the reasonably strong impression that I was decidedly not liked by them...

Perhaps INFP's are like cats? We don't play well with others of our kind

[questforself]

High five, buddy. That's a really good issue you brought up. I was quiet as a kid too. A bit of a sore-ass pessimist too :P I used to blame people and then I realized that maybe I should be a little more positive or present myself as more positive. Even smiling helps connecting and you don't even have to talk! Problem is, sometimes I talk and a lot of people can't even fathom what it's about. They're shallow. (I'm being mean. Give me a nicer word for shallow if you have one)
I had the same situation regarding the formative years as yours and I'm still working on my social skills. I think what's helped me most is that I no longer look for approval from people. I'm starting to feel a little more confident about myself now
Also, congrats on the first thread and welcome aboard!

It's interesting that you bring up smiling as a way to connect to people. Most of interpersonal communication is non-verbal but I don't think I'm too good at that either haha. My trouble with non-verbal communication might be more of an Asian thing than an INFP thing. In Asian culture you're supposed to avoid eye contact so I'm guessing I didn't develop my mirroring of facial expressions and all that jazz in my formative years either.

When I decided I wanted to come out of my shell in my teen years, I decided I wanted to be different and didn't want to conform to what other kids thought were cool (at least not the things that I thought were lame haha) and that it was in fact cool to be different and not to seek the approval of others. But really that concept comes crumbling down because it still would seem that I wanted to be different and not conform so that other people would think that I'm cool lol. I've always struggled with that ever since. I really wish I could go about my life without caring about what other people think, I think that's my ideal self, but deep down, my intention of wanting to appear that way is so that people would recognize it and have a high regard for me.

[questforself]

I've met one other person that I was almost completely sure was an INFP, and we were very close friends for a long time. Unfortunately we were also not-at-all close friends (enemies?) for an even longer time after that. And then I don't even know what we were for a while, but I still got the reasonably strong impression that I was decidedly not liked by them...

Perhaps INFP's are like cats? We don't play well with others of our kind

What caused the falling out?

[questforself]

God I hate when that happens! You finally get onto a subject you're passionate about, that' you'll open up & discuss with great fervor & detail & they just look at you like a deer caught in the headlights.





That's an issue I used to have, but after years of over self-reflection I got to the point where I truly knew myself, which made it far, far easier to put my thoughts & feelings into words than before.

I always think I sound clinical, though. Like I'm discussing emotions without emotion, but that's probably just because of the great deal of over-detail that I go into to describe how I feel, that it seems cold, if you get my meaning.

I think as INFPs, we do quite a bit of self-reflection all the time, but at the same time I don't feel I truly know myself. Actually, I think it's kind of like when you know word that's in your mind's memory bank but you can't for the life of you remember what the word was until it randomly pops in your head a day or two later. I think it's kind of like that with me when it comes to knowing myself. I think deep down I have a pretty full understanding of who I am but it's just not in full conscious awareness at just any given moment. In what ways do feel you have come truly know yourself?

[questforself]

I spend the vast majority of my time trying to figure myself out. Looking inside my head is like a Rorschach test. "What the Hell is that?" Because of this, I've stunted my abilities at interpersonal communication. Unless you want to talk about something I have encyclepedic knowledge on... I just there, listening, trying not to say anything stupid. Which I usually fail at.

I think what you described there might be the universal plight of INFPs to some extent. For me, almost right on par.

[questforself]

I think there are many types of people who consciously invent a social face and think everyone does. They are good at this. Many people think interacting is playing a game. I have a good friend, who, while genuine with me, feels like she has to decide who she is going to be before she goes out sometimes (in her case, out of insecurity, I believe). I don't want to play that game. I feel like I can only be me, and that sounds typical of INFPs. Me, I can't lie, well, except for tiny white lies to be nice. So if I don't have something to add to the conversation I'm not going to be the best companion. I try though. I always try to be friendly and polite. I value that.

I noticed that a lot of naturally talkative people have an air about them that doesn't seem genuine when they talk to you. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is that doesn't seem genuine but I think it has a lot to do with the tone in their voice and maybe also in their body language. I do envy talkative people who do usually seem genuine though.

[questforself]

I'm nto boring on the outside. But i have a rich imagination inside. I never speak about it. It's for my own pleasure. And its disconnected from outside world so i can't speak about it, it would be just out of place and weird.
But i don't feel my world like trapped inside. It's where it should be.

I think I realize that about myself also, but at the same time, I have this desire to show other people that side of me. I feel like people don't get to see the real me because I have a limited ability to express who I am on the outside.