[Alyosha]

I know that your MBTI is supposedly something you're born with and that doesn't change except maybe if you're in a very traumatic car crash or something, but honestly I refuse to accept that because there's no good reason to think it's the case.



So this might be controversial.

In any case, having heard stories about many INFP's upbringing, I have a grand suspicion. Growing up under unreasonable expectations, will cause one to retreat inwards (I), gain a higher interest for the malleable abstract (N) than for the concrete which you are constantly denied any authority on whenever you obviously fail the unfair expectations, learn to tip-toe around people (F), and never take anything for granted (P). I'm not saying F is about tip-toeing around people though, for example, but that it's the function one needs to do it well, and which thus develops. Furthermore, self-respect and authonomy is won by sticking to an unbendable principle, or several principles (Fi). This because we 1) do not eventually necessarily trust ourselves either, 2) can eventually use this to feel morally superior to the person or the persons who are, as they are unreasonable, naturally not living up to their own expectations to us either. The alternative to this would of course be to accept that we are, as they make us feel, useless.

It sounds ugly, but please vote on the poll.

Do you feel like you were under the constant pressure of unreasonable expectations while growing up?

[Kito]

I was under pressure to be unemotional and stereotypically macho, like all the other boys at school. I said "fuck that" and soon learned the consequences of not fitting in. Not sure if it had any effect on my MBTI type, but I'm more withdrawn than I used to be.

[kaleidoscope]

I think it has less to do with your type, and more to do with your parent's.

Being raised by two STJ's, I was constantly under pressure to be less head in the clouds, more down-to-earth, more practical, more ambitious, more sober and stoic. Basically, everything I am/was was unacceptable (still is, actually). My mom would keep nagging that I stayed in my room too much, read too much, was in my own little world and it wasn't healthy or realistic.

It wasn't just that they wanted it though, they withheld affection and doubled the criticisms and demands whenever I'd stray from the right path. It constantly made me feel like I wasn't good enough, like I was flawed, defective because I couldn't, for the life of me, be the person they wanted me to be, no matter how hard I tried.

[Wellsy]

My parents are the bees knees lady and I loves them :D
My life has been majorly good if I do say so myself. I try to be grateful but I am extremely fortunate thanks to my parents. They really are some incredible people. Growing up i went to school did the work played with friends come home play games rinse repeat. Its only been in the last couple of years ive actually felt down a little bit more and alienated. I didnt realise how much of a loner I was. My parents have been very accommodating to my oddities and less than satisfactory traits, they wish more of me but they certainly proud of the kind of person I am morally anyway.
I still wonder if my mum really is and ESTJ with all the problems INFP's seem to bitch about with ESTJ's but i wonder if they'rejust extremes and theres many other defining traits of the personality that differ.

[Mr. Meepers]

I think to some extent everyone feels pressure and they may even feel that it is unreasonable from time to time ... Although, I think I sometimes had unreasonable expectations of myself.

My Mom and Dad separated when I was a young child (before double digits). My Mother was always supportive of me ^__^ ... but my Father usually only cared about himself (except for one innocent that I remember). He always used me to play games and hurt my Mother. He did not really seem to care that he was hurting me. ... He was not above blaming me for the separation or taking me to places that I had no idea where I was (which would change everyday) and I would have to temporarily runaway to call my Mom and let her know I was okay and that my Father took me. He tried to show me a court order when I was in forth grade and I just happened to close the order and I noticed on the back there was a spot for a judges signature, but there was no signature ... that is when I learned that lawyers will try to write up a court order in the hope that a judge will sign it lol. Anyway, he played games with me all the time that affected my schoolwork and he was always trying to get me to hate, or at least dislike my Mom. ... Oh, and God forbid you disagree with him lol (he is a little more mellow about that now) ... and he was always trying to manipulate me ... he would even try to fake cry ... and even that I knew what he was saying was not true and I was almost certain that he was faking it ... I remember (I was no older than a pre-teen at those times) wondering if he actually believed what he was saying and it was so hard to look him in the face and tell him to stop fake crying and I had to do that quite a few times ... and it was never easy. A few times, when he told me that "he loved me" I told him to stop lying lol. Anyway, I was always trying to understand what was right and wrong ... so many times my Father made me feel terrible about myself because of his manipulation and I was not always sure what was the right thing to do ... I did not want to be a "bad" person ... and I also had wanted to know if he even loved me or not lol (I suppose that question is not as important to me as it used to be) ... I used to wonder if I should tell him to stay out of my life or tell him that I love him (I was a little black and white as a child lol) ... Anyway, I think my big concern was what was the right thing to do ... if he honestly felt what he was saying was true, I did not want to hurt him, but if he was just making it up I was going to argue back ... And, as much as I disliked conflict and how much I tried to avoid it, there were so many times that I knew I could not just keep quite and I would yell at him and be very angry, especially when he would spread false rumors (he also tried to really interfere with a friendship of mine by doing this ... and that friend was the only one I hung out with outside of school and activities).

Thoughts And Reflections On Your Father.
What you cant understand?

As a male child, I also though that I had to be tough and that I could not cry ... As I got older (late middle school and high school), my father continually tried to hurt me and manipulate me (he always underrated my intelligence, while overrating his ... he also thinks that he is better than everyone else lol). Anyway, this caused me to bottle up my feelings a lot (there may have been other reasons, like I did not like conflicts too, but I was too scared to share my feelings with friends because I did not want them to think less of me ... I did not want them to think I was a "wuss"). And I did not want to tell my Mom, because I knew she would be hurt knowing that I was hurting, so I kept my feelings bottled up a lot, but I would eventually tell her. ... Anyway, I also had a "tough" guy image, even though I was really nice to people. I would rough house, but I would never try to hurt anyone, but I was physically strong for my age and I was pretty athletic. Anyway, I had a best friend in the 8th grade and I always beat him at arm wrestling and I think he just found it funny to inflict pain on people from time to time (he also may have wanted to be able to feel like I was not "that tough" or "that strong" and make himself feel a little tougher ... idk) ... so he would try to punch me in the arm (with a knuckle/finger slightly raise when he made a fist) very quickly in the same spot and I think he usually counted to 30 punches lol ... I think I was a like bruised but he liked that I would admit it hurt (I always said it casually, I think). ... Anyway, one day he took a paperclip and unraveled it and started slashing the back of my arm with it. It hurt a lot and I noticed that I had all these raised lines on my arm, so I told him to stop before I got an infection ... I don't know how many times he did it, but I think he eventually stopped after I casually said that it hurt me ... In high school, I did not have that problem. The seniors loved me because I would rough house with them right back and one senior told me about how he was picked on as a freshman sometimes and that the seniors are a little nicer than they used to be lol. But a lot of people really liked and respected me ^__^ ... But I still had a lot of issues with my home life and with my Father telling me that my coaches hated my Mother after he talked to them about her (I felt so uncomfortable around a lot of my sports coaches after that) and I just kept a lot of things inside.

..... At the same time, my Mother was very supportive of me, but sometimes the emotional stress would get to her (especially after arguing with my older sibling ... I hated listening to them argue) and, as much I could tell she was keeping this to herself, I also saw her cry a decent amount of times too and I would try to comfort her by letting her know that I love her because she seemed to need it. I suppose I knew that I depended on her a lot, but I tried my best to do the opposite too.


Well, that is a summary of most (or at least a lot) of the bad parts of my childhood (that I remember) ... please don't psychoanalysis me //jk

[mynameiuse]

I always felt as if my parents waned me to join more clubs, mostly sports clubs but they soon found out that just was not for me. However I still feel they might have wanted me to be a jock type during my first 10 years.

[lifeisanillusion]

I picked no, but one thing does stand out for me from my childhood. That my parents told me to just ignore people when they were picking on me or making fun of me. That if I ignored them, they would get bored and stop. This didn't seem to be the case and I was picked on, teased, and bullied up until about grade ten. I wish in they would have told me to stand up for myself or even taught me to physically fight back.

I remember not understanding why the other kids were doing this when I did nothing to them and just wanted to be left alone. Yeah, I did have a vivid imagination and retreated to it quite often. I carried this trait on into adulthood, and even today I think I let people walk over me sometimes and don't stand up for myself when i should.

[Cold War]

I picked no, but one thing does stand out for me from my childhood. That my parents told me to just ignore people when they were picking on me or making fun of me. That if I ignored them, they would get bored and stop. This didn't seem to be the case and I was picked on, teased, and bullied up until about grade ten. I wish in they would have told me to stand up for myself or even taught me to physically fight back.

This is me exactly, though the bullying thankfully stopped a little earlier. What was I to expect from two pacifist introverts?

I didn't have a problem with my parents' general expecations. "You're smart - get good grades, go to college, and do what makes you happy." I think it's great for kids to have that kind of positive structure. The unrealistic parts came in the specifics of how to actually achieve that goal. My dad's advice was always "You can do anything you put your mind to," which I knew to be an unrealistic, idealistic perspective since third grade math. My mom just wanted me to turn into a more self-actualized version of herself, which I also realized and resisted from an early age. My parents in effect offered me little practical guidance, and I grew increasingly overwhelmed by life's possiblilities.

It's tough when the people who love you can't seem to relate to you. I find I respect my folks more the older I get. They were thrown a curveball by my problem-child younger sister and I think would have been much more effective life guides if she hadn't sucked up 90% of their time and energy. But that's a whole different thread!

[Floatingnotthinking]

My parents always expected me to do something stable and practical due to my high marks in school. Which lead to me struggling to figure out who I am, due to my mom trying to "teach" me to be extroverted from a young age. I was always taught that my INTP dad had a bad personality so I tried so hard to be like my ESTP mom. I thought being extroverted and stuff was the greatest thing to be. It would all have worked if my parents hadn't gone through their difficult divorce which caused my true personality to surface as I saw the uglier side of my mom, and my natural tendencies to create an imaginary world and hide from conflict came out. So I'm an INFP who was "trained" to be an ESTJ, but went back to being an INFP.

I know I'm an INFP from birth because when I was younger whenever new people came to our house, I would freak out. I also always asked whoever I was with for change to give to the homeless when ever I saw any. I was always super sensitive and had a lot of imagination from a young age as well.

I was always picked on as a kid, my mom would always tell me to stop being a pushover and all that. My dad simply told my mom to not worry and that I would learn to deal with it in my own way. I really wish my INTP dad would be the bigger parent figure in my life, I relate to him a lot more than I ever will to my mom.

So it was mainly my mom who had unreasonable expectations of me, future and personality.

[StaceofBass]

I do feel like I was put under some unreasonable expectations, BUT I don't think it changed my personality at all. I think I was always an INFP. As a little girl, I'd play barbies by myself and be completely content. I'd play games of make-believe by myself which usually involved love, romance, adventure, and sometimes tragedy. The Princess Bride was a favorite movie of mine as a kid and is still up there in the top 10.

My parents expected nothing less than both me and my brother to be honor students. This was excruciatingly difficult for me. I was constantly behind my peers in school but did eventually catch up. I'd say I surpassed them on many levels with the exception of English. I'm not bad at English, but it is my worst subject. I can spell and write a basic casual letter, but formal stuff is my downfall. I even sometimes still stumble over my words and get confused with what I'm saying...and this is after taking speech classes. So if I contradict myself or stutter or even slur a little when I'm totally sober, it's probably my poor speaking skills. Public speaking is the worst thing ever. LOL

My mom also told me that all my bullies secretly liked me and since they picked on me they all wanted to kiss me. So you know what I did? I chased them around the playground the next day and got mud thrown at me. My mom officially set the stage for all my failed relationships....because if a guy mistreats you, he loves you right? HA!