[Wellsy]

Thank you, I like me too hahahaha

[RetroVortex]

Also speaking of which there is a guy I know who is INFP and we've been friends for awhile...how do you charm you guys?
It's strange because sometimes we won't talk for awhile but I'm scared to talk to him because I already have tried and I don't wanna seem pushy...

Just say it. Lay your cards on the table. Be honest. (Though maybe not too agressive over it. If it was me, I'd think the girl was trying to trick me, or I'd be suddenly intimidated)

I mean just yesterday, this woman I was talking might have been interested in me, (I definately was attracted to her! XD), but she didn't make it clear, so I didn't know whether she really was into me, or if she was just being really friendly.
If she had just said something, anything, to let me know for sure she liked me, then I would have asked her out.

(Oh geez, the very thought of her is steaming me up. A part of me is just tempted to go to my store, just to see if she is working there today. X'D)

[bryan_k]

Hmm... there are two ways for me to answer this.

When my self-esteem was more healthy, I sometimes found that people thought I was still lacking in this area. During my education degree, when I was on student teaching rounds, my supervising mentors often commented that 'I needed to be more confident'. But, for the most part, I didn't feel that I was lacking in confidence when I was teaching. It's just that I did things in a calmer, more laid back way (particularly in regards to discipline/behavioral issues). It wasn't due to a lack of confidence, it was due to me approaching things with a different demeanour.

To be honest though, my self-esteem is a little shot down at the moment. The reasons behind this may or may not relate to other INFPs, though I do feel that I have at least one other INFP friend who struggled due to similar reasons. One big reason for our low self-esteem is because, in greater proportion to most other types, we often pursue things in an unconventional manner, outside of how the mainstream of society pursues things. I'm not saying that this makes us special or anything, but at the very least it can make us quite different. This difference ostracizes us. To give an example, I feel ostracized from my peers and family because I don't want to work a 9-5 conventional job.... ever.

I will temp work enough to support myself and pursue creative endeavours, and hopefully be able to tutor piano students one-on-one. I also accept that I will most likely be financially less prosperous than the people around me. This causes some strain in relationships with others, because it is simply hard to hang out with people, travel etc, when you don't have the same budget as them (unless they are very tolerant). So you lose a lot of friends, and family think that you are being foolish, irresponsible etc. It probably doesn't help either that my family is of an Asian background and having attended a selective high school (where I actually really academically struggled for the first time), I was supposed to be pursuing a high paying career. So there are all these expectations too.

But I digress. Yes, the self-esteem issues can be misinterpreted due to our natural outwardly calm demeanour. But self-esteem issues can also be perpetuated by struggling to fit in with the expectations of general mainstream society, as well as the ostracization that goes along with trying to defy conventional wisdom.

[IcarusDreams]

@bryan_k, there's no reason you should feel bad about yourself-you are following your dream while doing those temp jobs. Life is not a one-map journey handed to everybody, in which we must follow the same path. I understand it's difficult because of your background. To be honest, be happy with yourself, and with those people open enough to accept the path you have chosen for your life.

As I see it, you are a success story-no offense to your family and/or friends. Sometimes "conventional wisdom" is not as wise as it seems to others, or doesn't even apply to us. Take care, and be proud about what you are doing.

[bryan_k]

@IcarusDreams - Appreciate the reassurance. What I described was the path that I've been laying out for myself. I think I have known for a while that music is the only area that would sustain my interest and be fulfilling for me, but I've been in denial, and almost been trying to quash my dreams in a way, because of the reasons that I mentioned. I am honestly still on the fence as I speak, I am temping and am supposed to move out to study economics at the start of next year. But it looks like I will move interstate away from my dad and pursue music and creative endeavours instead in the coming months. I read an article about how my inferior Te can cause me to make unwise career decisions, and it is probably true in respect to choosing economics.

My older brother, who is an INTJ, is actually similar to me in being unconventional, but for him money is very very important, so in that respect we are different. I struggle to support and be supported by my older brother though because at some key level, he doesn't have the capacity to empathise and understand me, and I probably frustrate him because I can't always reconcile with his general 'hard logic' processing. And he seems overly cynical to me, though perhaps the same could be said about me, at least for now. I get along really well with my little brother though. He is an INTP.

It's mostly my dad who holds all the expectations and who is not supportive of my individual choices. I haven't really told him of my plans though, because I don't know how to. It will be very uncomfortable because I live with him at the moment. My parents are extra clingy I feel because they are divorced, and have no one to keep them company, so all their attention and hopes seem centred on me and my brothers. It's sad because it feels like they (mostly my dad though) are living vicariously through us.

But I hope I can make the right move to being more authentic and honest with myself over the coming months especially. I feel like I've been trying to please everybody and look after their feelings for too long. It's true, I've been too conflict avoidant at the loss of my authenticity.

[bryan_k]

So...I shouldnt try to charm him up? Would he be weirded out? He seems like kind of a player...either that or he talks to lots of girls. I'm not sure if INFPs are really players though. And oddly enough, he seems so into his own head that nothing really bothers him.

haha, yeah I don't think there are many INFP player types... though I wouldn't rule out the possibility of a few exceptions. At some level I actually find girls easier to socialise with than guys (the exception being women whom I am attracted to). So maybe like you said, the guy you're interested in may just like socialising with girls, and is not necessarily hitting on all of them. I think women are comfortable around me though because I am so non-threatening and externally laid back, which while good in some respect, also causes confusion when I do actually want to show interest.

I can't say for sure, but I reckon try to subtly suggest meeting up via an interest or event. Like say 'I'm thinking of buying a guitar, can you help me choose?' OK that's a terrible example lol... but basically you ask him out but in an indirect way. If it's too direct we can feel emasculated, at least that's how I felt when I knew a girl was hitting on me (this has happened only once ). But later on as you know each other a bit better and you sense his interest in you, then you can probably be really direct and deeply divulge your feelings... I think INFPs in general love that- I definitely do.

That said if I had a major crush on a girl and she approached me and asked me out I wouldn't care in the slightest.... that would be like a dream!

The part about nothing bothering him and being so into his head... I think it appears that way for most INFPs. Most people think I am the most calm person in the world because of my exterior. But inside, I am an extremely intense passionate person. And yes I have lots of worries and bothers. In some ways it's a shame because I often can't convey things, including interest in a woman, properly.

I hope this wasn't too confusing and messy

[MeganeOtoko]

Hmmmm low self-esteemmmm. I guess so :p But only because it's really clashy to be Introverted and also an NF...
Although, if most of us get good at doing what we want to do, I'm sure you won't be able to tell the difference anymore ;)

And for the record, ENFPs are pretty facking awesome too! :)