[Sidewalk Balloonatic]

1. Inability to handle criticism without biting at your neck. They move into the defensive phase real quick. And when they do it is mostly personal. The *lashing out* is not on top of my favorite lists. and its hard to see someone who rarely expresses their feelings come up with so much all at once. And i think that their biting hurts because they are awesome secret holders, so they mostly know everything about u and where to hit where it hurts. > I think this is mostly due to 1. low self esteem 2. doubt of their image in that specific person's eyes. > what the INFP should know is that some types are frivolous, like myself, who love to joke and humor around. shouldnt be take personally.

INFPs are guided by their feelings. If they are in a bad mood they will often make bad decisions. However I don't think lashing out like that is as much a self-esteem issue rather than a general maturity issue. This person probably hasn't learnt to use any proccess positively other than Fi. I personally have low self esteem but try to take criticism on board and turn it into motivation to become a better person. That's why I'm reading this after all.

2. They dont share their pain. It ends up building up. simmering in. making them feel sorry for themselves. ultimately resulting in a bitter cynical INFP who is hard to please. And if someone is sorry for themselves its hard for them to contribute to the growth of anyone else. In their attempts to rescue humanity from their demise, they forget about themselves, which turns them into a self centered helpess individual if they are hurt much too often. > advice: if you share ur pain it divides, if u share it with urself it doubles.

I don't know if I'm bitter or cynical but I am definately reluctant to share my feelings with other people. I have been left to my own thoughts for too long.

3. Freeze up when a close friend gives them complements. Adores it from a stranger.

I generally don't take compliments well from anyone.

4. Seem to only hurt people who are close to them, and are sweet with people who arent. is it an expectation thing?

I don't know what would cause that but I think it is worth noting that in the past I have had major conflicts with people that I now consider great friends.

5. When in social gathering, they dont talk. If i introduce my INFP friend to new people 80% of the time they think she is snobbish. If i dont introduce her to new people she hates me for not sharing my life with her and thinks im acting all elitist.

Yes I used to be like this. A lot. I was very misanthropic and totally hated social activities. I didn't resent anyone for not sharing their life with me though. I was the elitist. I thought I was better than everyone because I actually thought about things instead of flapping my lips all day.

These days I love meeting new people. Sometimes I'd rather talk to new people than my original friends.

6. IF i interrupt, hum, look at the sky for a second... it doesnt mean im not listening.

I haven't felt this way but I can imagine why someone would get irrated by that. Someone that is very reserved about sharing their thoughts would want to feel appreciated on the rare occasions that they do share them.

7. Cant let go of people who hurt them. They leave them in their lives, taking the hurt. Then the close friends have to suffer the mood swings *rolls eyes*

Not many people have really hurt me so I don't know if this applies to me. I don't exactly hold my heart on my sleeve though, so any mood swings that I have had have probably gone un-noticed by others.

8. Deny the truth sometimes if it doesnt suit their idealistic view. In this attempt they run away from confrontations of other people even if minor. A normal give or take conversation could tense an INFP up even if its not directed at them. Their inability to stand conflicts, their shunning away from it, makes them helpless as peacemakers. In their heart they want to help, in real life they watch as u fight and look the other way. Im not sure how this is a bad trait, or because it hurt me personally when i was fighting with one of my best friends and the other one (INFP) was in the middle of it, she dropped everything said she has nothing to do with this and she wanted us to fix it on our own, and never mention it to her. Now she tries to shuffle between me and this other friend (we're not friends anymore) in an attempt not to hurt anyone. Although she knew why i was pissed, knew why the other friend was pissed, and all we needed was a peacemaker at the time. But i guess its hard for an INFP to *give* emotionally in conflicts.

I'll keep this in mind and try to be attentive if this does happen.

9. Also this unrealistic idea of the world, makes them not great sources for telling anything like it is. They might even blame someone for not seeing the truth when its them that needs to wake up. They're too hooked into their own ideas, its hard for them to bulge. if it be a an idealistic vision or the fact that someone is out to get them. Sometimes their hunches are way off, and they dont seem to notice or change it ever. Their Ne is secondary to their Fi. I think maybe thats it.

I don't know what to make of this. I try to keep an open mind.

That being said, i think INFPs are awesome loyal loving friends. The ones i know some bless me with their poetry and art which makes my world so much prettier. They are the most sensitive type to other people's feelings, and would almost never hurt anyone. (ALMOST) but the fact that they know this, that they wouldnt hurt anyone makes it seem ok for them to lash out on people. (hint hint Hurting them). if they would let the world in, to help them, they might be less sensitive and more open minded to critique from time to time. Nobody is out to get u, nobody wants to make use of ur niavety (maybe ENTPs do, but they also do it to everyone else) and when a friend expresses they want to talk to u more its supposed to be something good and not them transcending on ur personal space.

BUT other than that, INFPs are awesome. I'd take them anyday, love them genuinly :)

Thank you for your insight.

[Andrea]

i'm only guilty of 4 and 5.

4. Seem to only hurt people who are close to them, and are sweet with people who arent. is it an expectation thing?

i tease. i do this instinctively, but never with the intention to hurt. i don't lie or spread rumors, but i read people well and like to get those little observations off my chest. i end up forgetting that brutal honesty isn't very nice.

with strangers, we know that we're making an impression, and are conscious of the things we say. the reason why we end up hurting those closer to us is because our guard is down. we only slip up when we're comfortable. that's how i see it anyway.

5. When in social gathering, they dont talk. If i introduce my INFP friend to new people 80% of the time they think she is snobbish. If i dont introduce her to new people she hates me for not sharing my life with her and thinks im acting all elitist.

i don't think of the bolded part as a fault, just a misunderstanding and part of our personality.

[starri]

Thanks goes for the INFPs who replied and read this. I must say again that this was all based on an encounter with 1 INFP.. so it might not all apply to you. (actually it shouldn't apply to you =)

As for some points I like to clarify:


-Me humming or looking to the sky is not a habit.. but well, to make it have more sense: In class I'm always doodling. When on the phone I'm always playing with something or another.. and that's possibly the only way to concentrate for me.. When forced to maintain eye contact.. it takes alot of focus not to get drifted away in thought about something else. Occasional looking at the sky breaks the focus tension so I can proceed to listen. I discover now this is a flaw in me personally, and anyone does have the right to be offended.

-I discover now that there is a fine line between being reserved and between breaking common rules of social curtsy. As long as the person doesn't offend anyone with their behavior; I personally don't mind the *reserved-social-elitism* .. but well in the case I was talking about (daydreaming in the middle of lunch with my folks and stuttering and answering the wrong question when being asked something because they weren't paying attention).. It's somewhat understandable that your own thoughts are more pleasing than the real life *shrug*.. but for the sake of the people who care to talk to you and want to get to know you.. at least make an effort to stay grounded.

[thehigher]

Very sorry for that tendency. However i love that your not afraid to criticize us. But....ha i also love how your hesitant. oh infps love seeing things from all sides. But sorry for all of that. If i may ask....how can we open up to the world more? Id love to talk to others about my feelings and pains and all of that.....but almost everytime i do i end up either bringing them down.....or getting insecure....or thinking some irrational thought. id love to hear advice about that. thanks

[CJay3113]

I know what you mean. I identify with 1, 2, 5, and 7. Yes, I annoy myself constantly. Going back to the cynicism part, I completely agree that I am "negative" in a sense of not really looking up, so to speak. I have more down moments that take over my life and I do feel trapped in my sarcastic shell. But I don't think anyone is out to get me, I just don't like dealing with inane crap. If anything your friend seems like someone I'd get along really well with. I need someone to camp out in my negative hut with me. Tell her to meet me in the trenches.

[karebear177]

I just started on here and from what i read i think this sounded exactly like me. I don't get what it is but when someone hurts me my first reaction is to go to my room and cry and my second reaction is to lash out. I can hold grudges for a very long time and i can get very mean. what i keep thinking is that they hurt me so they should feel the same way as i do. i know that its irrational but thats just how i feel.

[bluesy]

wow, those are great observerations.can't help but feel a little exposed...lol

[Selden]

To start: This is from my limited experience with INFPs, it can or cannot apply to you. Before i start i lke to point out that my best friend is an INFP, and i love ur characters. Anything im about to say should not be taken condescendingly, its just my limited view of how you guys can be more happy.

Fair enough, I'll try to explain why he/she acted that way and why we (or maybe just I) might act this way. Also, when I say "we" most of the time I'm just meaning myself, so don't think I'm trying to be a know-it-all with typology. I'm not arguing with you, rather trying to show you it from my perspective

1. Inability to handle criticism without biting at your neck. They move into the defensive phase real quick. And when they do it is mostly personal. The *lashing out* is not on top of my favorite lists. and its hard to see someone who rarely expresses their feelings come up with so much all at once. And i think that their biting hurts because they are awesome secret holders, so they mostly know everything about u and where to hit where it hurts. > I think this is mostly due to 1. low self esteem 2. doubt of their image in that specific person's eyes. > what the INFP should know is that some types are frivolous, like myself, who love to joke and humor around. shouldnt be take personally.

The best way to explain this, is perhaps it's because we feel the criticism. By that I mean I can emotionally link different things that others may not link at all. Another thing is although I'm not suggesting that other types/people aren't this but I'm really passionate at what I do (e.g writing). Even though I can take criticism, I do put a lot of my soul into it, so I feel like I'm being criticized and not just my work. Finally, while this might be over defensive on my part but people and critics can be very cruel. It's one thing to not like something but a lot of times they have fun at tearing people apart. There's even a lot of critics/people who attack the creators of what they perceive as a bad work. As far as taking criticisms go, I usually just smile and take it and maybe go back into my shell and shy away if it's particularly hurtful. I don't really bite back unless it is undoubtedly an attack on myself and crosses the line between opinion and disrespect.

3. Freeze up when a close friend gives them complements. Adores it from a stranger.

I don't freeze up persay but I can be hesitant towards taking them. This isn't because I don't care for them or because I'm snobby. It's because me and a lot of INFPs I know don't want to be arrogant. We don't want to bask in the glory so much that we become full of it. Also, being somewhat shy I don't like the spotlight that much (although I do love performing). I take compliments more now but more out of respect for the giver and I don't try to dwell on it too much.

4. Seem to only hurt people who are close to them, and are sweet with people who arent. is it an expectation thing?

Yes, this can be a flaw, although it's more with my brother than my friends. This isn't as much an expectation thing or a sadistic thing. It's because I'm careful about how I act with strangers. I'm afraid that if I say what's on my mind or get defensive I could make enemies quickly. With friends/family although I do my best to be considerate, I feel like I can be more loose with them. It's because I feel like at the end of the day they'll accept me for who I am. So think of it as a warped kind of trust/love.

5. When in social gathering, they dont talk. If i introduce my INFP friend to new people 80% of the time they think she is snobbish. If i dont introduce her to new people she hates me for not sharing my life with her and thinks im acting all elitist.

This keeps on being a current theme, so let me put down the reason for all of your criticisms. The reason why we do those flawed things is more out of willingness to please people. I know, you're saying "but being shy isn't being nice to people". I'm shy with strangers because I don't want to be a bother and I'm afraid of being ripped apart if I approach them and/or engage in a longer conversation. However, if I am approached and the person is congenial, then I can talk on my behalf. Also, INFPs aren't talkers, we're listeners for the most part. The world needs both types. As far as other people thinking she's snobbish, that's there fault (unless she really is snobbish). Who cares, everyone has the potential to be misread. Just like congenial, talkative, and well liked people can be mistaken for a popular prep. The reason why she might not like you not introducing people, is she may have misread that for you feeling embarrased about her (perhaps like you were saying that people think she's snobbish). It also might be that she feels like you couldn't possibly believe that she could interact with others.

6. IF i interrupt, hum, look at the sky for a second... it doesnt mean im not listening.

I know that, again not all INFPs (or types in general) are the same. However, if she really is super shy, then maybe you should be careful not to do those, even if they are just mannerisms. Again, some INFPs like myself fear being embarrased or shot down during a conversation, so not doing it will give her confidance that she can be interesting in conversation.

7. Cant let go of people who hurt them. They leave them in their lives, taking the hurt. Then the close friends have to suffer the mood swings *rolls eyes*

It's because again, we don't want to offend them. We don't want to offend someone by dropping them off when we get hurt and a lot of times when we do, we do get hassled for it. If someone's really cruel towards her, then that's a problem. However, I don't usually drop people who hurt me a little bit. The reason why is because even though I may be mad at them or may want to say what's REALLY on my mind, things tend to be resolved over night. There's no point in my leaving someone for just one little action or maybe a few annoyances. Again, though it depends on the severity of it.

8. Deny the truth sometimes if it doesnt suit their idealistic view. In this attempt they run away from confrontations of other people even if minor. A normal give or take conversation could tense an INFP up even if its not directed at them. Their inability to stand conflicts, their shunning away from it, makes them helpless as peacemakers. In their heart they want to help, in real life they watch as u fight and look the other way. Im not sure how this is a bad trait, or because it hurt me personally when i was fighting with one of my best friends and the other one (INFP) was in the middle of it, she dropped everything said she has nothing to do with this and she wanted us to fix it on our own, and never mention it to her. Now she tries to shuffle between me and this other friend (we're not friends anymore) in an attempt not to hurt anyone. Although she knew why i was pissed, knew why the other friend was pissed, and all we needed was a peacemaker at the time. But i guess its hard for an INFP to *give* emotionally in conflicts.

It's because I believe in relativity, thus I am always right However we don't like confrontation (again the main theme) so that's why we don't go into confrontations. There's a good reason to, a lot of times we have been mocked for our views when we were younger and had a harder time dealing with them than most people. So obviously experience shows us that arguments may lead to be broken down and hurt feelings. If I may add MHO, I believe that most arguments are pointless. I would like arguments if it meant two people shared their different views and could at least understand eachother; but most arguments are two people claiming they are right, although neither will concede because they other person would gloat about it. Furthermore, we don't do conflicts because it's emotionally toiling on us. I get antsy whenever there's real tension. Hell, most of the time I can tell when two strangers are starting to get on eachother nerves, even before they might notice. Also, I'm afraid that if I got into a conflict I might go over the edge with it. The quiet ones are always the most dangerous...

[/quote]9. Also this unrealistic idea of the world, makes them not great sources for telling anything like it is. They might even blame someone for not seeing the truth when its them that needs to wake up. They're too hooked into their own ideas, its hard for them to bulge. if it be a an idealistic vision or the fact that someone is out to get them. Sometimes their hunches are way off, and they dont seem to notice or change it ever. Their Ne is secondary to their Fi. I think maybe thats it.[/quote]

I'm not understanding you. Not because I'm trying to argue/put you down but you need to clarify what you mean by ideal world. Every INFP (and person) has a different view of what's ideal. Some people have a great idea of the world and others have a horrific vision of a perfect world. Yes, I can be stubborn but I'd rather be idealistic than be so pragmatic as to argue and even kill to simply prove that this world has no hope. Although the world may never be perfect, there's no reason not to try. The point of a goal isn't about reaching it but it's that you have gone farther than you have before. The things like civil and woman's rights, starting a revolution against one of the wealthiest nation of the 18th century, and giving India more rights (Ghandi) seemed too idealistic for many people during those times. Yes there are still flaws that exist to this day but if there weren't people who stubbornly believed in a better world tomorrow, we might not have had a better world today.

[starri]

@ Selden: Thankyou for taking the time to explain each and every point. Nice insight.

I did make her see this and she told me her detailed explanation as well. So i know where it stems from, but the fact of the matter is that it still affects people. Not everyone knows what MBTI is and would treat an INFP like an idealist.. so think about the implications of these rather than the motivations.

Gandhi was INFJ btw.

[de l'eau salée]

Everything you said

Aaah! So well said, I agree with almost everything. You said it much, much better than I did.