decided to delete this last post- Off topic!
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This is a discussion on Friendship love to an INFP within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; decided to delete this last post- Off topic!...
decided to delete this last post- Off topic!
Last edited by siliconbuddha; 12-27-2011 at 03:47 AM.
I think it's good that you want to compliment him. A female friend occasionally compliments me and it really does make me feel better. Sometimes when I feel really down it helps to think about the things she said about me. I don't think you have to be overly sentimental about it. Just take note of some of his good traits and then find a way to casually compliment him during a conversation. I think making it seem casual and natural will make it less awkward.
I uh... have way more girl friends than Guy friends.
I just refer to them as family. Give them nicknames: "Cuz" (cousin) or Sis.
No matter what I have to watch myself. I am in a serious relationship so I tread carefully. Meet publicly. That kind of thing.
I think just being upfront makes all the world of difference.
Do any INFPs contact almost every day and send romantic gifts to platonic friends? Considering she knows I had romantic feelings for her (and she must be fairly sure i still do)
If she's not interested why venture into 'romantic' territory? Are INFPs prone to stringing people along? Could she crave my attention out of neediness? I can't believe she's 'testing' me because she's still on dating sites (In fact she seems to be addicted!)
First of all I'd like to thank you Amanda for all your advice :)
She wrote on a 'Love Actually' postcard that she really wants to see me again but 'hopefully our IMs and phone chats will keep us going till then'! I brought up the subject of meeting and all she is willing to say is to meet halfway for the weekend in a picturesque location. The earliest date she suggested was early summer! It took five months of delays for her to even agree on meeting for the first time. At this rate it'll be over a year between dates!!! BTW since she said she 'can't wait to meet' she's arranged quite a few long distance trips (I certainly don't feel like her priority)
Any suggestions of how to know when an INFP is 'ready'? Should I wait for her to agree on a meet date or just sweep her off her feet ? (being an ENFP I can be very creative in this department but not sure if I'll come across too strong)
I have the same situation going on with an ESFP girl. We're extremely close, talk everyday, hang out whenever we get a chance, and neither of us bore or exhaust ourselves from each others company. As the INFP guy in this case, I find it pretty easy to say that I truly do love her within our friendship, yet she's never quite been able to say the same thing back to me. Instead the way I find she communicates platonic affection towards me is by talking to me everyday and occasionally dropping a compliment towards me out of nowhere. It actually feels pretty good, and while I'd love for her to say she loves me too in a platonic sense, it's just not her. But that's okay. We understand those differences in communication and affection towards one another.
But it's interesting to hear how use think of 'love' so highly within your friendship. I suppose that is my fear with my INFP girl i.e. being very gushing about our 'platonic' relationship as she may see it. TBH I've never had a friend who sends gifts (hearts seem to be a common theme) every few weeks and talks about 'how glad she is we met', 'will I always be there for her' etc. But as mentioned there are other issues which suggest it is just platonic.
A letter might work, it's a gamble. It depends on how likely it is you two can actually be together and the depths of her feelings. She might love it, she might shut down...
Why continue to visit dating sites? Hm...maybe to check up on you?? Are you on those sites as well?
Do and say things that make her wonder and even confuse her as to your intentions -- romance is in the wonder. Don't be blunt, that ruins everything, makes things awkward.
Don't be too obvious or she'll think she already has you and begin to wonder if she really wants you. You don't want her there. You want her wondering if you're interested. And if interested, how interested.
This is exactly what she's doing to you, though unintentionally. But right now you are at her mercy, not a good place to be.
Afterwards she sent me a letter saying she 'wasn't ready' and I 'shouldn't wait for her'. I read this as a polite way of turning me down. Especially since she signed back up to the dating site and excluded me from her 'wants' (must be taller than me and younger than me- by one year!) This felt like a very insensitive kick in the teeth compared to her letter and she must have known I'd see it.
I had come to terms with her position, in spite of feeling let down and still loving her deeply. I genuinely wanted to be 'platonic' friends and suppress my love but after a couple of months she started telling me how she still reads my love letters, gift giving etc. Maybe she feels that my romantic feelings had died away and it was safe.
This is really what confuses me! Am I just an emotional safety net when she's disappointed by a 'new friend'? I've continued to be there for her as a friend so why venture into romantic territory when she's not interested? Am I slowly passing tests to see how interested I am in her?
I am convinced she is not deliberately messing me about as it is obvious how emotionally vulnerable I am (She is a very principled and honest person)
Last edited by siliconbuddha; 01-12-2012 at 06:39 PM.