[Loveternity]

@ForsakenMe, huh. Okay, something's clearly wrong with me. I didn't miss that, but for some reason that I can't explain right now I couldn't get into the girl's shoes the first time I read the posts.

I guess I need some sleep. *feels horrible* Sorry for being so daft.

[IAmOrangeToday]

Strange how this thread is dominated by men talking about how to ensnare themselves a female INFP, and is almost devoid of women trying to get male INFPs.

I have no idea what I'm trying to say with this... ^^

[kaleidoscope]

Strange how this thread is dominated by men talking about how to ensnare themselves a female INFP, and is almost devoid of women trying to get male INFPs.

I have no idea what I'm trying to say with this... ^^

You're saying that no one wants NF males and I disagree!

Females are generally harder to get than men though..

[Westy365]

Originally posted by ForsakenMe

ENFJ Guy: Hi, I like you. Can we be boyfriend and girlfriend?
INFP Girl: No, I just came out of a relationship. It was a tough break up and I need some time. (And for all we know, this might be the truth. I mean did you missed one of OP's posts stating that she really DID came out of a relationship?)
ENFJ Guy: Oh, okay, I totally understand that. (Not really, lol.)
INFP Girl: Thanks for understanding.
ENFJ Guy: By the way, can I continue to walk you after class and talk to you more often? Oh, and can I drop hints that I'm still interested even though you clearly said you're not interested in a relationship at this time?
INFP Girl: -Runs away in fear-


That's what happened. Not trashing the OP, because hey, we've all behaved really badly around the ones we like who don't like us back. :P

I just asked her out on a date. And I walk with a lot of my regular girl friends back to their dorms all the time, not as some kind of escort, but just as a friend. I do this because it maximizes the time I get to talk to them, and it's a way to converse without holding them up from their busy schedule. I just love conversation, and apparently, it's socially unacceptable to some people (such as the INFP girl I liked) to do that, which I didn't realize.

I also really did understand that she needed to recover from the bad relationship; I was just trying to be a good friend, while attempting to drop hints just enough to keep me out of the possibly existent friend-zone, and not forcefully. I wasn't trying to pressure her, and had no idea that I came off so strong, or I would have backed off a lot more.
I above all thought that she was the most amazing person that I'd ever met, and all I wanted was to get to know her better, and to be there for her in whatever way possible. I didn't ask her out, blatantly hit on her, or heavily flirt with her, which are things that I thought were what she meant she didn't want, and what I would qualify as being disrespectful of her feelings. I was horrified when I found out that she was uncomfortable; I didn't want to do anything to make her feel that way in the least. I am just a lot more obvious than I realize, and now I feel terrible about the whole thing. I never meant to cross any boundaries, and I never ignored her feelings like a stubborn self-centered person, I just didn't know it was bothering her the way it was.

And I'm sure that she liked me at first, (she asked for my number), which is what initially made me think about her as a possibility of more than just a friend, and when I surpassed her in terms of emotional connection (after much time gradually spent with her), that's when I asked her out. A week after our "friend date," after not much contact (trying to give her space), the signals were mixed and I talked to her and walked with her, unaware that she was needing more space. I just thought that she was being shy (INFP thing?) when she walked out of class immediately when the bell rung, didn't approach me, etc. not that she was creeped out/uncomfortable to even walk back to the dorm with me. But then she'd throw me off by acting all friendly and warm, calling my name once or twice, saying "hey", looking deeply into my eyes, and smiling. I was shocked when I found out that I freaked her out, and to be honest, I fought back tears for 2 days just about that (that was the saddest I've felt since the hell I had to go through years ago in middle school). I just wish I could know what the signals meant, and where exactly she or I messed up.

[Westy365]

@IAmOrangeToday

Hey man, don't get discouraged about the whole male INFP thing. One of my best friends in college was a male INFP, and he just got married to a beautiful woman (I can't remember what MBTi type she is, but she's a really sweet girl and they make a really cute couple)!

[iBleedink]

Strange how this thread is dominated by men talking about how to ensnare themselves a female INFP, and is almost devoid of women trying to get male INFPs.

I have no idea what I'm trying to say with this... ^^

I'd be interested in an INFP male because we have so much in common but...I'd also be a little scared because I know difficult and complicated I can be.

Why don't you enlighten us on how to woo you?

[ForsakenMe]

I also really did understand that she needed to recover from the bad relationship; I was just trying to be a good friend, while attempting to drop hints just enough to keep me out of the possibly existent friend-zone, and not forcefully. I wasn't trying to pressure her, and had no idea that I came off so strong, or I would have backed off a lot more.
I above all thought that she was the most amazing person that I'd ever met, and all I wanted was to get to know her better, and to be there for her in whatever way possible. I didn't ask her out, blatantly hit on her, or heavily flirt with her, which are things that I thought were what she meant she didn't want, and what I would qualify as being disrespectful of her feelings. I was horrified when I found out that she was uncomfortable; I didn't want to do anything to make her feel that way in the least. I am just a lot more obvious than I realize, and now I feel terrible about the whole thing. I never meant to cross any boundaries, and I never ignored her feelings like a stubborn self-centered person, I just didn't know it was bothering her the way it was.

And I'm sure that she liked me at first, (she asked for my number), which is what initially made me think about her as a possibility of more than just a friend, and when I surpassed her in terms of emotional connection (after much time gradually spent with her), that's when I asked her out. A week after our "friend date," after not much contact (trying to give her space), the signals were mixed and I talked to her and walked with her, unaware that she was needing more space. I just thought that she was being shy (INFP thing?) when she walked out of class immediately when the bell rung, didn't approach me, etc. not that she was creeped out/uncomfortable to even walk back to the dorm with me. But then she'd throw me off by acting all friendly and warm, calling my name once or twice, saying "hey", looking deeply into my eyes, and smiling.I was shocked when I found out that I freaked her out, and to be honest, I fought back tears for 2 days just about that (that was the saddest I've felt since the hell I had to go through years ago in middle school). I just wish I could know what the signals meant, and where exactly she or I messed up.

Re-read all the bold words I've highlighted. The first one is you saying "Oh, I know she doesn't want a relationship with me, but I better avoid the friendzone!" and that's where you acted all weird around her. You got scared of this friendzone thing and it effected your actions, even if you don't realize it at first. Your "hints" were probably too large to ignore, and it did made her feel a little weird. The second part, "I didn't realized I came off so strong" proves it.

Yes, we all know that you think she's a great person and all that, but I think I know what happened here. You met her and had a deep conversation that you thought was out of this world; she probably thought the same but at the same time, she might of thought about her ex or just thought you were just an interesting guy. INTERESTING doesn't automatically mean, she's gonna date you or have sex with you. I know a lot of interesting people... a lot of them I don't want to sleep with. Her wanting your phone number is like her wanting another woman's phone number; we are at an age in society where socializing is at an all time high. It doesn't mean she wants you as her boyfriend.

The signals weren't mixed. She thought you'd make a great friend and that she thought you were interesting. She smiles at you and calls out your name because, well, that's what friends do. A girl who is interested in you would do more than smile, say "hello", look at your eyes casually while talking to you, be friendly and warm to you, and call out your name... she would flirt with you, stare at you longer than normal, ask you out, touch you a lot more, etc. So far in this entire thread, she hasn't done any of that. All of her signals scream "platonic".

Her running off from class isn't her being a shy INFP, but an INFP who is uncomfortable with something.

Like I said, with your good looks, you'll find someone else. Someone else who likes you in return.

[IcarusDreams]

I feel bad for Westy365 but agree with the idea that he should let go of the lady, and find somebody that will love to be with him. When it has to be too forced like that, it probably means that she's not interested, OR that even if she has some interest, she has things gong on in her life preventing her from enjoying a healthy relationiship no matter with who it is. I cannot even say that he made any mistakes, as far as he shared them. Truly, though ,she wasn't clear enough in her hints, which happens all too often with male and female INFPs-we sometimes throw around those positive or negative signals, and expect that others will understand what we only know how to decode. :P I would say to INFPs, if you feel a certain way, positively or negatively, what hurts LESS the person is that you tell them how you really feel, instead of being a hint man/lady. If you don't want to lead on somebody, just tell them-if you really like somebody, really, just tell them! I feel bad for all of those people that have a need to decode our hints just because we can ocassionally not be brave enough to make clear to people (even if we mean well by this) how we really feel about something.

I say so from experience, as I have been both on the giving and receiving end of "INFP hints", and have been guilty of sending "obvious" (to me only!) hints that were hardly understood. This is not an INFP stereotype or model, as not every of us is like this, and I no longer like giving "hints"-I am much more direct (although always polite and proper) about how I feel about others now. People have the right to know what's on our heads, especially when it involves them, either positively or negatively-people are often more hurt by being left in the dark than by being told the truth.