[INFP] Social Rejection

Social Rejection

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This is a discussion on Social Rejection within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I'm pretty sure this is just a statistical anomaly, but I've been facing a lot of social rejection lately (over, ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    Social Rejection

    I'm pretty sure this is just a statistical anomaly, but I've been facing a lot of social rejection lately (over, and over again it seems), and I'm wondering if it's a lot worse when you're INFP/sensitive, and how you guys handle it.

    I'm actually starting to question my INFP-like ability to get nearly everyone to like me eventually.

    I feel like people who make more invitations, like ENFJs, would actually be getting this happen to them more.

    But I've been offering people to play tennis/see them/hang out, and some of them have read my messages and didn't reply. I always reply to everyone, even if just to say no. I figure if I wasn't so sensitive, it'd be easier. On the plus side, this way it's easier to know for sure whether someone cares about you or likes you, and you don't really have to ponder it.



  2. #2
    INFP - The Idealists

    just a Heads up, thats a pretty slippery slope right there. Not everyone is going to like you. in fact most people dont understand us because we differ so much from the "accepted norm." just focus on liking yourself and the rest will fall into place. its that simple. trust me. But on the other hand, it might help not to take things so personally (easier said than done i understand) because not everybody has the same standards of ethics as you do. you can either tolerate this or find people who do
    strangestdude thanked this post.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    LOL! No, I am not laughing at you. I am laughing because that is so one of the biggest issues INFPs deal with, but the problem is that most of the time, what we perceive as rejection is not really rejection.
    Acey, rawr_sheila, perfectcircle and 3 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    @infinitefish
    Yeah, I know it's a slippery slope. Unfortunately feelings tend to seem more immediate than what you wrote, even if it makes sense.

    I could just go back to waiting for other people to initiate thing, but that would just require a lot of waiting.

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    @Twoshoe
    True i feel ya. But remember that other people are just....other people. Theres no reason to put them on a pedestle. sure you can do for others. But if the only reason you exist is to please everyone else, then when everythings said and done, they will be perfectly ok, and you will be left emptyhanded and neglected. They are no more important than you. And theres no reason why you shouldnt be given the same respect that you are willing to give them
    Twoshoe and mynameiuse thanked this post.

  6. #6
    Unknown Personality


    The world doesnt revolve around you. People are busy and don't always have time to hang out or even reply to text messages. Shake it off and don't let stupid shit like that get to you.
    perfectcircle thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    Getting people to like you = people will call you and do stuff with you is post hoc ergo proper hoc. Just because the first happens doesn't mean the second will happen. They're unrelated issues.

    Getting the outcome of getting someone to like you is a complete different process than trying to get the outcome of getting someone to call you and do stuff with you.

    People are busy. People like other people. Just because someone likes you more than someone else doesn't necessarily mean they want to spend their discretionary time with you instead of someone else. The question I ask myself is the same, if someone didn't like me what would be a good reason for them to spend time with me? That should be the same reason why the people who like me would want to spend time with me.
    infpetal thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    Great topic.

    I've had your internal challenge throughout my life, over the past year or so it's gradually become less of a concern.

    I'm not a fan of the PUA (pick up artist) online community, but something that's being heavily promoted (and I think is a great positive) is letting go of approval addiction, cultivating self approval. Otherwise know as seeking self validation, approval and appreciation internally rather than externally.

    Something I've learned is that 2 poisons to stable and healthy self worth are; approval addiction, and self worth via social comparison.

    When you chase after others approval often it's at the expense our own self respect, and when we chase after self worth via comparison often we need to elevate ourselves others by dominating or belittling them (in our minds or in communication).

    The healthy path IMO is strengthening beleifs such as 'the only person's approval that matters is me', and developing self acceptance and appreciation. And learning to accept that others can, and have the right not to like you.

    The above is something I've been learning to do, and there are many ways to do it; CBT exercises, ACT exercises, NLP, etc.

    I'm an atheist, but I found this guy's (he's a preacher) talk on approval addiction entertaining and insightful...

    HeyGirl thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ENFP - The Inspirers


    Let me say this: It has been a big issue for me for a while now. But, I've learned to accept that in this world of extroverts, everyone wants to hang out with everyone else and that means that they can only give you a tiny portion of their time. Whereas we want to "hang out" with a select few for a longer period of time, It's sort of the opposite for most other people. We get left behind a lot because instead of us just talking with someone for an hour and leaving, we spend several hours with those one or two people that we really like. most people don't have time for that. Well, this is what I see, at least. Not sure if anyone else sees this.

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists

    i can relate, especially when you and your best friend are used to endlessly long conversations, but when they invite you to a party you refuse because your shy. sounds like an oxymoron to them, but it makes sense to me lol


 
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