INFP: Relationship Resolution

Here is the INFP way. You will see the many and varied personality traits that INFPs naturally show as they relate to others. If you are an INFP let this self-knowledge help and guide you in your marriage and family life. If you are in relationship with an INFP allow the wonder of what you learn here to guide your understanding of and responses to how INFPs behave.

Myers-Briggs “Compatibility Test” Results - INFP Personality Traits
• The INFP is likely the MOST ROMANTIC of all 16 types
• The INFP has extremely high expectations of intimacy in marriage and relationship
• The INFP is usually very articulate and will NEED to talk about how they fell
• INFPs find sex and romance very, very important
• The INFP will typically strongly dislike conflict, especially if repeated
• The INFP is normally very kind, liberal, bighearted with their mate and children
• The INFPs tend to live in the world of their imagination rather than the real world
• INFPs can be extremely sympathetic for others
• INFPs will be very private and personal
• The INFP under stress can be quite critical and cynical
• The INFP will take great delight in pleasing mate and family
• The INFP may search all their lives for “meaning”
• The INFP can keep a mate pursuing them all their lives.
• The INFP under great stress will verbally get loud, angry and critical



On the Personality & Marriage section of this site the statement was made that all relationships will encounter conflict. It is part of being human. How we experience conflict, react to it and move to solve it are instinctive. So we have some power and control and will INSTINCTIVELY and NATURALLY use our personality traits in a conflict resolution activity, at least some of the time. The following personality traits are keys to understanding the INFP approach to conflict in relationships/marriage.

INFP Conflict Reactions Personality Traits
• INFP may flee the conflict, they will be upset by it
• INFP will likely not understand the reason(s) for the conflict
• INFP will desire to find a harmonious solution to the problem
• INFP will not take the most logical approach to finding the solution
• INFP will view “conflict” as a distasteful, uncomfortable part of life
• INFP will quickly become depressed by the conflict
• INFP will prefer to accommodate at first

INFP Conflict Resolution Activity Personality Traits
• INFP will naturally consider the feelings of others in conflict resolution activity until the INFP feels personal (likely idealistic) values are being ignored
• INFP will typically show great respect, kindness as they work toward resolution
• INFP will try to satisfy all parties in their conflict resolution activity
• INFP will look for “personal” solutions to the conflict first
• INFP will be creative in their conflict resolution activity
• INFP will encourage input from others

INFP Likely Positive Solutions Will Be:
• Idealistic and future oriented
• Harmonious to all involved
• Insightful, astute, shrewd, discerning above all
• Feasible
• Decided upon through consensus
• Win-win when at all possible

INFP Conflict Resolution Activity-Improvement Opportunities
• INFP will probably quickly affirm someone else’s feelings and emotions in a conflict sometime to the ignoring of their own
• INFP may overstate the effect of any hurt feelings they may have
• INFP will many times make statements by asking questions instead
• INFP will have difficulty seeing in the moment, specific solutions
• INFPs may put it off if it feels too bad
• INFP will probably take it way too personally
• INFPs may fail to logic things through enough
• INFPs may frustrate others by appearing too indirect as they work toward conflict resolution
• INFP may fear the conflict and talk to everyone except those who can solve it

[Source]

I'm going to make a few comments on this, as I feel some of it can be misunderstood, at least in regards to me, and I know I am not a terribly unique INFP.

Myers-Briggs “Compatibility Test” Results - INFP Personality Traits
• The INFP is likely the MOST ROMANTIC of all 16 types

It should be noted that an INFPs idea of what is ROMANTIC is probably something closer to Romanticism and its ideals than the current "Hallmark" notions of romance. For instance, if you asked my ISFJ mom if I liked romance, she'd laugh & say I am not sentimental like she is, but my idea of romance is just way more whimsical, spontaneous and creative, and sometimes even a bit dark/tragic. I spurn the manufactured & the contrived!

• The INFP is usually very articulate and will NEED to talk about how they feel

Articulate, yes, but still coming out through Ne. In dealing with sensors, the S/N divide can sometimes manage to make the INFP's point get lost in translation. I am more articulate in writing than speaking, and that seems common for INFPs.

• The INFP is normally very kind, liberal, bighearted with their mate and children

At best I am those things, especially "liberal". I can also be cranky, critical (perfectionist idealist here...), and self-absorped. See below, and keep in mind the external world is stressful & very disappointing for an introverted idealist, and violated values can bring out the guns:

• The INFP under stress can be quite critical and cynical
• The INFP under great stress will verbally get loud, angry and critical


• The INFP will take great delight in pleasing mate and family

More of the e9 INFP, IMO. I don't please by doing, like an ISFJ might. My diplomatic side makes me easy-going, which means letting people have their way when it's not worth a fight, but what's worth it to me or not can be very different from how other people gauge situations.


INFP Conflict Reactions Personality Traits

• INFP will likely not understand the reason(s) for the conflict

And you may not understand why the INFP is mad, because our values often differ from external ones and a feeling can be hard to communicate at times. I am often upset because a situation is symbolic, or I'm upset because of what was not said or done. Dismissing my reasons as invalid because they're hard to prove by external measures is a BAD idea.

• INFP will desire to find a harmonious solution to the problem

But that doesn't mean they will back down if it's an issue they feel is very important. I want a win-win situation, but if it's not possible, I may stick to my guns or give in, depending on how important it is to me.

• INFP will not take the most logical approach to finding the solution

Pffft....The INFP may take a very reasonable approach & have a lot of valid insight, especially in resolving relationship problems. Fi is a RATIONAL judging function after all.
But we probably won't stick on logic blinders because we want to keep in mind people's feelings. Delicacy can mean taking the longer & less "logical" route, but is has a better view & everyone gets to the destination a lot happier - and hey, you still get there.

• INFP will quickly become depressed by the conflict

I become more agitated/stressed....but negative reaction nonetheless.

• INFP will prefer to accommodate at first

I'm not that nice, haha. I accommodate IF it's not important to me. I wouldn't say that's accommodating so much as going with the flow out of sheer passiveness . If something is important to me, I can get very rigid about doing it my way. If someone takes advantage of my easy-going side, then at a certain point, I will blow.

Admittedly, with my family, I tend to be more stubborn than adaptable because there's a pattern of the sensors in my family invalidating my perspective.

INFP Conflict Resolution Activity Personality Traits
• INFP will naturally consider the feelings of others in conflict resolution activity until the INFP feels personal (likely idealistic) values are being ignored

Note the UNTIL. That's the key point.

• INFP will typically show great respect, kindness as they work toward resolution

UNTIL you really piss one off.

INFP Conflict Resolution Activity-Improvement Opportunities
• INFP will probably quickly affirm someone else’s feelings and emotions in a conflict sometime ignoring of their own

Sounds more e9 again. I don't ignore my own feelings and emotions. That doesn't mean I don't compromise, but I don't let my feelings & needs be devalued.

• INFPs may fail to logic things through enough

Uh huh. Whatever

It could be worse - I've seen the INFPs dismissed as totally irrational and illogical all of the time on more than one occasion.

Originally Posted by Grey

It could be worse - I've seen the INFPs dismissed as totally irrational and illogical all of the time on more than one occasion.

Uh-huh. As if, because we feel, we're "illogical" -- this drives me bonkers!
The presumption is we haven't "thought" about things but blindly go about feeling. No... feel, think, come to a conclusion after I've thought about it and then have strong feelings about my conclusion because it's based in consideration of the idea and values.

I am also open to the idea that my conclusion may be incorrect and so very little is written in stone.

Originally Posted by Grey

It could be worse - I've seen the INFPs dismissed as totally irrational and illogical all of the time on more than one occasion.

To tell you the truth, I have been in a relationship with an INTJ and always felt I was more rational than she was, so...go figure.

It's not that we fail to see reason.
In the back of my mind I always know I am being irrational I just can't help it because I feel strongly about something.
But if I take a few minutes to think I can usually come up with a rational solution

Originally Posted by Grey

Here is the INFP way. You will see the many and varied personality traits that INFPs naturally show as they relate to others. If you are an INFP let this self-knowledge help and guide you in your marriage and family life. If you are in relationship with an INFP allow the wonder of what you learn here to guide your understanding of and responses to how INFPs behave.

Myers-Briggs “Compatibility Test” Results - INFP Personality Traits
• The INFP is likely the MOST ROMANTIC of all 16 types
• The INFP has extremely high expectations of intimacy in marriage and relationship
• The INFP is usually very articulate and will NEED to talk about how they fell
• INFPs find sex and romance very, very important
• The INFP will typically strongly dislike conflict, especially if repeated
• The INFP is normally very kind, liberal, bighearted with their mate and children
• The INFPs tend to live in the world of their imagination rather than the real world
• INFPs can be extremely sympathetic for others
• INFPs will be very private and personal
• The INFP under stress can be quite critical and cynical
• The INFP will take great delight in pleasing mate and family
• The INFP may search all their lives for “meaning”
• The INFP can keep a mate pursuing them all their lives.
• The INFP under great stress will verbally get loud, angry and critical

On the Personality & Marriage section of this site the statement was made that all relationships will encounter conflict. It is part of being human. How we experience conflict, react to it and move to solve it are instinctive. So we have some power and control and will INSTINCTIVELY and NATURALLY use our personality traits in a conflict resolution activity, at least some of the time. The following personality traits are keys to understanding the INFP approach to conflict in relationships/marriage.

INFP Conflict Reactions Personality Traits
• INFP may flee the conflict, they will be upset by it
• INFP will likely not understand the reason(s) for the conflict
• INFP will desire to find a harmonious solution to the problem
• INFP will not take the most logical approach to finding the solution
• INFP will view “conflict” as a distasteful, uncomfortable part of life
• INFP will quickly become depressed by the conflict
• INFP will prefer to accommodate at first

INFP Conflict Resolution Activity Personality Traits
• INFP will naturally consider the feelings of others in conflict resolution activity until the INFP feels personal (likely idealistic) values are being ignored
• INFP will typically show great respect, kindness as they work toward resolution
• INFP will try to satisfy all parties in their conflict resolution activity
• INFP will look for “personal” solutions to the conflict first
• INFP will be creative in their conflict resolution activity
• INFP will encourage input from others

INFP Likely Positive Solutions Will Be:
• Idealistic and future oriented
• Harmonious to all involved
• Insightful, astute, shrewd, discerning above all
• Feasible
• Decided upon through consensus
• Win-win when at all possible

INFP Conflict Resolution Activity-Improvement Opportunities
• INFP will probably quickly affirm someone else’s feelings and emotions in a conflict sometime to the ignoring of their own
• INFP may overstate the effect of any hurt feelings they may have
• INFP will many times make statements by asking questions instead
• INFP will have difficulty seeing in the moment, specific solutions
• INFPs may put it off if it feels too bad
• INFP will probably take it way too personally
• INFPs may fail to logic things through enough
• INFPs may frustrate others by appearing too indirect as they work toward conflict resolution
• INFP may fear the conflict and talk to everyone except those who can solve it

[Source]

wake up !!

all the 'tend to, most likely, hope to' future stream of actions are again day dream stuff.
bocs, i find very different scenario, and hope to climb out of it, but is a dark humid horrible nightmare i have to live with