[INFJ] INFJs complaining to me about their lives & things they are thinking about

INFJs complaining to me about their lives & things they are thinking about

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This is a discussion on INFJs complaining to me about their lives & things they are thinking about within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Is this their version of opening up to someone? I find their emotional distress difficult to handle (and sometimes annoying) ...

  1. #1

    INFJs complaining to me about their lives & things they are thinking about

    Is this their version of opening up to someone? I find their emotional distress difficult to handle (and sometimes annoying) but of course I don't judge them for it. It's funny cause these two INFJs (one was a friend from middle school and the other is a university friend) were all polite at the beginning of our friendship then after about a month they started complaining to me about stuff that they're annoyed about, stuff they hate about themselves, stuff they're angry about involving strangers and a lot of other negative things. And most of the time, I'm confused because I don't know where they picked up all these things, there's nothing in the external environment that suggests there should be such a huge emotional upheaval. Where is all this coming from? Like there's no stranger doing such and such bad thing right now, why are they so angry about it? I even asked them if they witnessed something like that happen in the past and they said no and told me just to listen. I always hold space for their emotional ramblings though because that's what a friend should do even though I don't enjoy it.

    As an INTP, I rarely get emotional about things so this makes completely no sense to me. Why are they so stressed?
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  2. #2

    Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.
    INFJ Profile

  3. #3

    I think you answered it yourself.

    INFJ or not, if someone is telling you how they feel about a subject, they trust you with that information and they're also making conversation. If you don't like it, say so. But it's not a crime for them to indulge you with this information - they're only going to keep doing it if you don't speak up. They can't know otherwise that you're uncomfortable with emotional or stressful topics - you'd have to communicate for them to be aware and it doesn't sound like you are doing that.
    Snowflake Minuet and Igor thanked this post.

  4. #4

    If they're unloading on you, they trust you're ability to handle it and trust that you won't judge them. :)
    I don't complain to just anyone. They have to be resiliant kinds of people for me to shake off all the emotional crud I soak up from dealing with society/other people.

    Some INFJ's tend to be emotional sponges, and can collect other peoples crappy drama like it's lint or shedding dog hair. I get sick if I keep all that "lint" balled up inside. Have to talk about it to someone as a "lint brush", keeps me healthy. Either that or write my rants out and throw them in the fire... something.

  5. #5

    They trust in you. INFJs find it difficult to just express how we're feeling to people we feel we can't trust. So until we find someone, whatever feelings that we've collected get balled up inside of us and causes bouts of depression as its almost as if no one understands and that we have to deal with stress of the world on our shoulders.

    However, when we do find someone to confide in it lifts us and the cloud begins to move away from over our heads. This may feel like a MASSIVE relief, hence why all the negative shit comes straight out of our mouths- it's what we're always thinking about. Personally, I still don't tell people how I'm feeling because my intuition is pretty high and I can tell when it's getting to people (for example types like you) so I just stop. Other INFJs might have other strong points therefore they are unable to tell that you don't really get them at all.

    Honestly, I think if everything about your relationship is so negative that it's affecting your own level of happiness, then you should tell them how you feel about them being so down all the time. (They might withdraw from you though)
    On the other hand, if you believe that you get more benefits out the relationship than negatives, bear with it, because I'm sure it'll pass soon enough.


     

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