[rainy.day]

…is there any hope?


I live with an INFJ and I feel like my self-esteem is constantly being ripped to shreds. It’s pretty clear that I’m not ‘acceptable’ or ‘good enough’ for her. I already feel bad that I’m not able to live up to the high expectations/idealism that she wants from a roommate, but I’m sick of all the passive aggressiveness. :/


Is there a way to move out the ‘enemy’ zone and into the ‘ok’ zone?

[Pete The Lich]

Does she like cake?
surprise her with an apology cake!

[Way of the Sword]

To answer your original question: Nope.

But it seems like there is more to this story. An INFJ does not hate someone just for the sake of it. You must have really drove this person mad in order for her to go out of her way to show hate towards you.

[DirtySmilez]

To answer your original question: Nope.

But it seems like there is more to this story. An INFJ does not hate someone just for the sake of it. You must have really drove this person mad in order for her to go out of her way to show hate towards you.

I agree INFJs are usually prone to forgiving people, not so much hate. They might not hate people in particular but they might hate acts or like what people do, like lying or maybe stealing? Im not implying anything but I think you get the gist of it. Are you doing anything in particular that goes against her ideals or beliefs?

[Feelings]

LOL INFJs are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay forgiving. But y she mad tho?

[rainy.day]

To answer your original question: Nope.

But it seems like there is more to this story. An INFJ does not hate someone just for the sake of it. You must have really drove this person mad in order for her to go out of her way to show hate towards you.

Well, she has had bad roommate experiences in the past (I'm her third one).
Maybe some of those frustrations/conflicts are taken out on me?
A problem is that we're both introverts and need lots of time by ourselves which is difficult when you're living in a cramped dorm room. She complained once that I'm always in the room, so now I avoid spending much time there (I can't remember the last time I sat at my desk).
I can't think of a particular incident of something I did, but I was in a state of oblivion early in the year, so who knows what I did.

[Perhaps]

Well, she has had bad roommate experiences in the past (I'm her third one).
Maybe some of those frustrations/conflicts are taken out on me?

Probably. It's unfortunate, but she likely brought a set of biases into the relationship based on said past experiences, so anything even slightly irritating that you might have done is now proof that you're a terrible roommate as well. This way of thinking isn't really type-specific, though.

The best you can do is approach her to see if there is, indeed, an issue. While it may not accomplish much if she chooses not to be straightforward, you will at least have made an attempt to reconcile the situation.

[Aizar]

It does sound more like baggage than like something you did. Or maybe baggage with some things you did that weren't the greatest, but not usually worth a whole lot of hate, either, without that underlying thread going through her mind.

I'd talk to her. Tell her your feelings, ask after hers. If that goes well, try for a few solutions. Throw in an apology, too, just in case.

[Lady Nurture]

Hello!
Regardless of type, passive aggression solves nothing, so I already feel your discomfort. Considering that you have equal rights to the room as well as rights to a sense of comfort/security in said living space, you should not be made to feel like a scapegoat for another's negative past experiences.
I'd say formally request a heart-to-heart in which you voice exactly how you think you are being made to feel and only apologize for those things which you perceive to have contributed to a feeling of mistrust/distaste, etc. Asking directly may help as well.
However, (again disregarding typology) if someone is holding tight to their convictions, sparing no time to reconsider their actions or how they are making others feel, then there is something wrong and it must be addressed.
Just remember, only you can understand what your dynamic is truly like with this individual. Try to come to a peaceable agreement about how best to use the living space, but do not accept a degradation of your character based on someone else's passive aggression. Speak up for yourself (respectfully, while not omitting the truth) and I wish you the absolute best.

[kryten5786]

"when an infj hates you" ... you don't exist. but hate is a strong word.