[GreyWavebeam]

As some might guess from the excessive posts I've made about it already, I've been feeling incredibly depressed for quite some time now. One of the things about it I've found hardest to deal with are the horribly disproportionate feelings of guilt it's created in me. I'll remember every little thing I ever did wrong or every small action I ever did that ended up hurting someone, and I always end up dissolving internally into a mess of shame and self-loathing. It becomes difficult for me to consider myself anything close to a decent person, and then despair is free to hit me full force.

But I remember that I've actually had deeper feelings of guilt than most anyone else I knew even from a young age, which leads me to wonder if it's also a part of the INFJ personality. So, do any of you have experiences of excessive guilt, and how do you deal with it?



Any and all insight or advice is greatly appreciated.

[Kyrielle]

Sometimes I feel guilty for the dumbest things, and I'll apologize for what I perceive are the smallest of transgressions. What I've learned in the past few months is this: half of the crap I feel guilty about, no one even remembers or thinks twice about. It doesn't stop me from feeling at least a little guilty, but I now feel a lot less guilty now that I know people don't really pay attention to what I say. (Which is a little sad, but oh well.)

[confused girl28]

I deal with guilt quite often, more than I like to admit and since I can remember.
I think it has to do with the way I was raised hmmm maybe.
I never knew how to deal with it and I usually adopted a self destructive behavior ( I stopped eating, smoked more cigaretes than usual, didn´t have a proper rest I didn´t sleep for a long while, I needed to punish myself somehow) and it was that way until I understood (well, I am in the process to understand anyway) that I am a human being and human beings make mistakes and hurt people even if they don´t want to do just that.
Last time I felt I hurt someone I did something different, I talked to a friend and told him the way I was feeling and why and he helped me to see things from a different perspective, he told me that making a mistake doesn´t make me a bad person it just makes me human and I have to accept that and move on, it sounds easy but it is something hard to do, I try every day though. I still feel guilty, even for things that has happened a long time ago, but I try to learn from my mistakes and don´t do it again and move on, take that out of my system because that feeling doesn´t help.

[Aizar]

"I've learned a new lesson for next time."

[fotomoose]

You say you've been depressed, then you have an awareness of it, you should also then be aware that part of the depression is feeling guilty. I know it's easy to say here, but don't dwell on things in the past, you can't change them. We've all hurt someone in one way or another, don't beat yourself up about it, it's part of life to make mistakes.

And also, guilt means that you are aware that your action was wrong at the time you did it and yet you still did it; don't confuse guilt with regret. This is a mistake I have made and suffered for it.

[Vivid Melody]

Well I do tend to indulge in self-pity (due to guilt) every now and then but it's a slippery slope and I can easily blow things out of proportion if I let myself so I am careful to let the little things go and not obsess over them so much otherwise I really would become a basket case. Sensitivity is a gift but it can also become a curse if you let it. Don't let it rule you. Control your thoughts and let it go. Let yourself off the hook. We've all been there. All that matters is that you're sorry and you did what you could to make it right. Treat yourself like you're own best friend. There is freedom to be had when we forgive not only others but also ourselves. Then we can finally be free to love others and ourselves again. It's hard to love others if you can't even love yourself and apart of loving yourself is forgiving yourself.

[GreyWavebeam]

Thank you so much for all the responses so far! It's my first real thread, and I wasn't sure how well it'd go over, but you've all given some great advice.

I think the problem for me might lie in my sense of perfectionism. I want and even feel the need to be as good a person as possible, so the littlest mistakes make me feel like a failure. It's hard to forget those little bits of the past that you sincerely wish you could take back, or even to stop beating myself up over them, but I think I see now that the best way to go forward and even improve myself is to ease off the heat a little.

It really is true that those mistakes are just a learning opportunity, and as long as you realize it's something you aren't proud of and don't want to do again, you've done as much as you can do. But I lose that bit of perspective in the heat of the moment, and I never really have anyone else to help me regain it. It can also be hard to forgive yourself when you're not sure if others ever have, and in that moment of doubt, your bad qualities seem to overshadow all your good ones.

Maybe I just more reassurance from myself.

[keelysmith]

Guilt is something I am very in touch with. The things I feel the most guilt about, that fill my mind with such feelings of disgust and horror, are things that I feel I SHOULD have known not to do/or do (depending on the situation) that there was no way I could have possibly known. This and thinking of actions I have done that might hurt someone I deeply care about can drive me to craziness.

In the past I have seriously taken these feelings out towards myself. I have been practicing talking through these feelings with a close confidant that is willing to listen with an open heart and mind. Usually what happens is them telling me what I secretly already know, but am not willing to believe, because, we all know, it's easier to blame ourselves then admit that someone else did something wrong.

[DirtySmilez]

One time I killed this spider that was outside on my porch, I just stepped on him. I was feeling bad all day long. I kept thinking "he didn't even do anything." "What if it had babies?" I felt comfort in knowing that I have a really good conscience, and that it keeps me from hurting people, or doing bad things. Still remember that spider though...still feel bad. =/

[Lightlilly]

I don't usually feel guilty for things, I don't really do much I guess,

however I feel a lot of regret for half the things I say, I'm not a graceful speaker...unless I've already thought over what I'm about to say

I'll regret doing/ saying something that I wish i hadn't for a very long time until I make myself "forget" the situation