[jenecis]

1. People I'm attracted to - talk, laugh, get to know them better

2. People that I have chemistry with - pretend that we're just friends



3. People that are so devastatingly attractive that I can't look at them for longer than five seconds without burning my eyes - ignore them altogether.

... It's a faulty scheme, but somehow it always leads me to 3 in the end :)

[Ashcancowgirl]

Thanks INFJs for answering so seriously :). You guys are a nice lot. Here's more questions, what do you seek from a person? Like the qualities that attracts you? And when you guys flirt, is it special or like ENFPs, you only flirt with people you aren't attracted to? What are the signs that show when you like someone? Is it hard to open your secrets to others, like the real deep ones?

Lots of things attract me, but the thing I value more than anything is free will. More specifically, the willingness to critically evaluate literally everything and act only out of pure desire, when possible. I guess that just means someone who is in tune with herself in a significant degree. Also complimentary senses of humour is crucial, I think.

I only flirt with people I'm attracted to. Basically, I think the more I like her, the less subtle and charming I manage to be. Think fluffy puppy trying to hop around and 'arf!' like it's a bad ass, howling wolf (then rolling over at the first sign of reciprocation).

And yes, it is actually closer to being impossible to reveal the depths of my thoughts/feelings than it is to simply being hard. Not actually impossible, but very unlikely.

[Jwing24]

You wouldn't know simply because I would not let you know. I don't have a tell or anything of the sort because I am so withdrawn.

[Kyrielle]

When I haven't yet realized I'm attracted to a guy, I'll find myself flirting quite naturally. It's only when something happens (like giggling, which I almost NEVER do) that sets off an alarm in my head that I'm not acting like I normally do that I will actually become aware of my attraction to someone. And that's when I get very nervous and start to blush, because I'm embarrassed over the fact that I was not aware of my own behavior and I'm not entirely sure what I might have said.

That said, when I met my boyfriend, I wasn't aware I was attracted to him until our third outing (not-quite-date) together. All I knew is that we got along wonderfully from the get go. It was when he gently brushed my back while we were crossing the street that I realized it in a sudden blast of understanding. Which caused me to lag behind and get hit by a car. No, not really, just kidding. :D I only staggered a little and felt woozy. By the end of that evening, I practically ran from him after we said good night. I was having sensory overload and I seriously needed some time to process all the emotions and thoughts battling for dominance inside my head. It was like the Thunderdome.

And I think it would be the same with anyone else I met that I really liked and decided to date. I always need some space at some point to keep me from going insane from the constant flood of new input from both inside and out.

[Opabinia]

When I haven't yet realized I'm attracted to a guy, I'll find myself flirting quite naturally. It's only when something happens (like giggling, which I almost NEVER do) that sets off an alarm in my head that I'm not acting like I normally do that I will actually become aware of my attraction to someone. And that's when I get very nervous and start to blush, because I'm embarrassed over the fact that I was not aware of my own behavior and I'm not entirely sure what I might have said.

^ This. Fucking this.

Same thing happened to me. It's like getting hit over the head and being like, "oh shit, I wasn't expecting this to happen". For people who like to try to keep our emotions hidden from a lot of people, it can be pretty terrifying to all of a sudden find yourself really acting like yourself around someone.

[INFJian]

Do you guys get shy, nervous? Or do you guys flirt?

Hm if the person I like is someone I know on a friendly level, I will be nervous inside but I will be outwardly playful and teasing and exercise my Fe more often. I guess that’s how I flirt. I definitely show my interest in your life and in your thoughts and in your philosophies, and I try to show the best side of myself. I want to impress you. Depending on your reciprocation of that interest, that level of outward interest will vary. I will become more shy if you give mixed signals, but I will flirt if you flirt. But either way I make it a point to be friendly and engaged when I talk to you (which is the same as how I treat other people, but to a larger & more consistent extent with you).

If the person I like is someone I know superficially (ie. we know each other’s names, that’s it), I am extremely shy and I will not make the first move to show care/interest/whatever. Usually I’d observe you to get a better picture of who you are, and if I feel safe approaching you, I’ll start by being friendly. If you reciprocate, I will be over the moon and be excited to start a friendship, but if you don’t, I will immediately back away and try to forget about you.

Is it possible for you to like more than one person at the same time?

Yup. Totally possible. I tend to have many crushes but only a few get seriously considered. I’m one who likes to take things slow. I am the type who believes that my ideal SO has to be my best friend because if two random people just start dating off the bat, they start out with idealized notions of each other. A good friend or a best friend would see me for who I really am and vice versa, and I think that unconditional acceptance is something I want to have right from the start. So initial attraction alone won’t cut it. I will take my time to get to know you and for you to get to know me. That’s the reason I think I can like so many people at once. It’s not that I want to have romantic relationships with all of them; I am just intensely curious about them as people and I would like to get to know them better as friends first.

Do you guys wait or do you easily give up when the feelings are not reciprocated?

When the other party makes it clear that the feelings are not reciprocated, I immediately back away, like I said. I don’t believe in persuading someone to feel a certain way about me. That seems cheap to me. I respect your feelings, and hopefully we can still be friends.
When the other party is ambiguous about his feelings, I will hold on and wait it out. If I really really like him, I’ll eventually tell him because I can’t bear waiting for him to respond. But if it’s just a small crush, I won’t bother. If you’re not man enough to tell me, then maybe it’s not meant to be.

I am curious. As they say INFJ is the perfect mate for ENTP, I'm curious to know about how they feel about love and how they express it.

Like I mentioned above I think love is unconditional acceptance & care of another person. I think we are supposed to be able to love everyone we meet, not just the people we are attracted to. In that regard, I believe that an SO is supposed to be someone who is easiest for me to love, and vice versa. I think romantic love is absolutely wonderful. It has the power to just completely lift you both up and bring out the best in you. I think I can speak for all INFJs when I say that most of us hope to become attached one day. I won’t say I believe in soul-mates, but the way the INFJ seeks out the ‘perfect' human connection with an SO is similar to that concept.

Do you form a sort of an idealized image when you like people? Please grace me with answers.

Yup I do. That’s why I make it a personal policy to take a long time while dating/getting to know each other, so that we learn to know the real individuals behind the good shiny facades. Only when we know each other’s weaknesses and know that we still accept each other for it, will I seriously consider starting an exclusive relationship with you. I tend to take relationships seriously because once attached, I will be at your mercy seriously. I will tend to give all that I am and care for you 100%, so I want to make sure I’m with someone who will not abuse that and who can care for me too.

[emerald sea]

Do you guys get shy, nervous?

both - if i seem like an extrovert around everyone but you, and seem relaxed around others but nervous around you, i probably have at least some attraction for you...(but then again i also act that way if i'm scared of you).

Or do you guys flirt?

yes, if i feel comfortable enough to interact with you somewhat freely. (often i don't, and act uninterested just so as not to reveal my feelings, so i might actually be less friendly to you than to everyone else, just because of nervousness).

but my flirting is atypical. the typical 'girl is flirting' signs don't apply because i do all those things when i'm just being friendly. my flirting is like how i show interest in people or concern for them, in general (via Fe), only to a greater degree. i may be too nervous to be as playful/teasing with you as i am with people around whom i'm comfortable, or to show as much excitement at seeing you (if i really am not sure if you like me back at all)...will probably come off as a muted version of myself (for lack of a better way to describe it), not really relaxed, since i'm measuring my actions too much around you. :) if comfortable enough, i will ask you a lot of questions and seek to develop an emotional connection with you and see if we can connect at that level and communicate in the way i desire. i will come off as nervous unless you have made your mutual interest almost clear to me (i say "almost" because for many INFJs, there is a possibility that it may not be 100% clear, no matter what you do, until you point-blank tell us you are interested or ask us out and call it a date...many of us are rather oblivious or dense in this regard, because our Ni can invent all kinds of motives for your actions and we can't often narrow it down to just attraction and don't want to assume until we know for sure).

Is it possible for you to like more than one people at the same time?

i may find multiple people somewhat interesting but i can only actually fall for (by that i mean, really love) one person at a time. i get crushes (which also are typically only one at a time) but don't actually fall for anyone very often...seldom meet anyone who seems that highly compatible, with whom i can connect on a deep level.

Do you guys wait or do you easily give up when the feelings are not reciprocated?

i more or less give up if it becomes absolutely clear that feelings are not returned. after feeling devastated by their rejection, i don't want to go through that again. the attraction will probably still be there but i try not to build any expectations inside, lest they be crushed once again.

I am curious. As they say INFJ is the perfect mate for ENTP, I'm curious to know about how they feel about love and how they express it.

i can't speak for all INFJs but for me - love is monogamous and loyal. love is taken very seriously - relationships are not casual. i show someone i love them by showing the same interest or care that i would show to a friend, multiplied many times, with the addition of romantic undertones ~ for example, teasing/playing like i would with friends, except with romantic undertones to it...banter like with friends...opening up to you about something personal, like i would with a friend i trust (since i can't fall for anyone i don't deem trustworthy)...tons of attention...etc, etc.

Do you form a sort of an idealized image when you like people?

at times my standards go out of the window, because if i like someone enough, i consciously make an exception just for them. :) no "love is blind" stuff though, because i am not blind to their imperfections, just choose to overlook them because i love the person. it's that way with friends too - i know they overlook plenty of imperfections in me as well. :) all relationships require overlooking faults, in order to survive...

[EmpireConquered]

You wouldn't know simply because I would not let you know. I don't have a tell or anything of the sort because I am so withdrawn.

You must be good at poker, given you don't have a tell XD

[Jwing24]

You must be good at poker, given you don't have a tell XD

lol, i really don't play, but when I have I have taken my friends money

[ThatName]

If don't know the person well, self-conscious. If I know them well enough, I'm more revealing to them about my emotions and thoughts. In other words, I'm more chatty.