[INFJ] Vengeful sister ot loved ones who'd prefer you fail

Vengeful sister ot loved ones who'd prefer you fail

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This is a discussion on Vengeful sister ot loved ones who'd prefer you fail within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; My sister and I are adults. She is a very jealous, insecure person. She is the type you don't want ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Vengeful sister ot loved ones who'd prefer you fail

    My sister and I are adults. She is a very jealous, insecure person.

    She is the type you don't want to share your successes with because she will make it all about her-- either by copping an attitude or by having a pity party about why she can't achieve the same thing. It's totally depressing and really hit me hard today. I didn't tell her about this recent success but she heard anyway and now instead of being like any normal person and saying congratulations, she's totally throwing it in my face like I did something to hurt her.

    I know it's pathetic, but it's still throwing me for a loop and I'm trying not to get depressed about it. I shouldn't be at all sensitive to her opinions, but it's hard to let it roll off when it's blood yknow. I wish she'd quit bemoaning and achieve some of the things she's quite capable of. She always plays in my shadow as if she's inferior and it's such a load of crap!
    Lady Nurture and natamalie thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I understand that feeling you have. With me it was with my friends.

    The best way to handle it is pretty much what you are already doing. Keep your life moving. Continue to dream big and achieve those dreams. If she hates you for it, then so be it. It is not your fault or problem that you are successful. Of course, avoid any chance of shoving that success in her face. It's clear that she is dealing with a lot of personal insecurities and perhaps in time she will reveal it to you (first she has to understand that she has them). That is when you can help here. Right now there is nothing you can do.

    Sometimes in life, the best you can go about in fixing a problem is letting it fix itself.
    Lady Nurture, skye21 and natamalie thanked this post.

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Thanks, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what I needed to hear. 'Ppreciate it!
    Lady Nurture thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Hello @skye21,
    I used to have this problem with friends during high school; I think you've done well in seeking to understand her, but as is probably obvious, these behaviors are likely to continue until she finds her own sense of worth and understands it as an internal journey, not one to be dictated solely by external achievements.
    Continue to cultivate yourself and create the ideal life for you, as that is always an individual quest and one's own responsibility.
    I also say that a fair amount of emotional manipulation stems from the "pity party" routine and so I suggest you listen politely, but not feed into it, or share in condoning it.
    I've had a best friend since 6th grade who has a disorder in which one of the most outstanding traits is a constant need for attention, whether through sympathy or self-destructive behaviors.
    All one can do is love the person for both their flaws as well as their better traits, but remember not to abandon yourself or take more responsibility than is rightfully yours to take.
    This is the curse of the INFJ---to feel responsible for others reactions, personal struggles, both real and imagined and be somewhat self-denying. In fact, this is the curse of highly empathetic individuals, but for our type, I think it's pretty consistent.
    I wish you the absolute best of luck!
    -LN :)

  5. #5
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Wow, so insightful. Thank you!!!
    Funny, when I read it, it really looks like something I might write to someone else-- but when it comes to myself, I can't produce that kind of objectivity. Grrr. Thanks again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Nurture View Post
    Hello @skye21,
    I used to have this problem with friends during high school; I think you've done well in seeking to understand her, but as is probably obvious, these behaviors are likely to continue until she finds her own sense of worth and understands it as an internal journey, not one to be dictated solely by external achievements.
    Continue to cultivate yourself and create the ideal life for you, as that is always an individual quest and one's own responsibility.
    I also say that a fair amount of emotional manipulation stems from the "pity party" routine and so I suggest you listen politely, but not feed into it, or share in condoning it.
    I've had a best friend since 6th grade who has a disorder in which one of the most outstanding traits is a constant need for attention, whether through sympathy or self-destructive behaviors.
    All one can do is love the person for both their flaws as well as their better traits, but remember not to abandon yourself or take more responsibility than is rightfully yours to take.
    This is the curse of the INFJ---to feel responsible for others reactions, personal struggles, both real and imagined and be somewhat self-denying. In fact, this is the curse of highly empathetic individuals, but for our type, I think it's pretty consistent.
    I wish you the absolute best of luck!
    -LN :)
    Lady Nurture thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors

    @Lady Nurture

    What test result is that you have pinned to your replies? "The Reclusive Heart"? Where do I find this info?
    Lady Nurture thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by skye21 View Post
    @Lady Nurture

    What test result is that you have pinned to your replies? "The Reclusive Heart"? Where do I find this info?
    I will look around for you and PM you the website. It's in a Quizzes and Tests thread, though I have to backtrack where I took it. I shall send you the info, though when I find it! :)


 

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