[INFJ] Accidental Seduction: Secret Sexy Powers - Page 2

Accidental Seduction: Secret Sexy Powers

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This is a discussion on Accidental Seduction: Secret Sexy Powers within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by Jawz I dunno .. the bolded part above is something I have a disagreement with :/ It's ...

  1. #11
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Jawz View Post
    I dunno .. the bolded part above is something I have a disagreement with :/ It's impossible to control another person's feelings and by giving them that signal may end up making them feel undesirable as well. There's always two or more possibilities that come out of every single behaviour that we [we as in Fe users] exhibit with others. Even though traditionally men are the ones who complain the most about being "Friendzoned" but I will bet any amount of money out there that it has similar impacts on women as well - But perhaps that's countered by the fact that usually women have more pursuers than men which generally allows them to have more options at a given time imo.

    Edit: Though as another member very eloquently put it in one of my threads: "We all want what we can't have."
    you are sweet to be so sensitive to girls' feelings, and what you said is true - thank you for bringing up what i hadn't considered. if you have to let someone down it is very difficult because you don't want to hurt them - that is one of the hardest things to do and i try any way possible to avoid having to do that. the only way i knew any guy was interested (in these cases of 'accidental seduction') was when they actually told me, and i didn't know until then. so since typically we INFJs don't expect it and are a bit shocked when/if we find out, we can accidentally hurt people just because we don't know how they feel about us..and none of us want to hurt someone or destroy their confidence. adopting your suggestion of protecting their feelings as if they were interested is a better strategy.

    i hope this isn't a derail of this thread and will let the original discussion continue now.
    Jawz and Lady Nurture thanked this post.

  2. #12
    ENTP - The Visionaries


    Quote Originally Posted by seastallion View Post
    you are sweet to be so sensitive to girls' feelings
    Don't mind if I don't accept that compliment at all :/ Though I know where you're coming from :)

    I've broken a few hearts unintentionally and a few others intentionally. Not that I'm some sort of casanova - but that's exactly the paradox - and related to what Lost was saying as well. How do you know when someone else wants to be more than a friend - especially when they don't say anything but exhibit all the signs of having some sort of infatuation.

    adopting your suggestion of protecting their feelings as if they were interested is a better strategy. but how do you do that?
    I like to believe that we all tend to get infatuated from time to time [regardless of type] and ultimately it's how we conduct ourselves in those kinds of situations that's important. Respecting the other person's boundaries - a sense of which can be derived intuitively is extremely important. It's easier to figure out someone's boundaries rather than their feelings and just treat them with the utmost regard and respect. Yes, there's a strong appeal to the emotionally unavailable yet seductive male - but that also doesn't mean that the person who's attracted to such a person is incapable of sorting through her feelings on her own time. I wouldn't change my behaviour even if I knew a woman was deeply attracted to me that I couldn't have. She'll eventually move on, and then we can continue to have even a deeper, more intimate connection than before - at least that's how I perceive it.

    I suppose men are relatively safer from women's manipulations [even though I too have been stalked] partly because we're physically stronger and can fend off any attack whereas there's a greater likelihood for men over-stepping their boundaries with women they're infatuated with therefore it's better if women break off from men who are infatuated with them sooner. There's plenty of material out there to help learn about a manipulator's most typical behaviours and signs. It's better if one is prepared rather than be caught in the wake of an unhealthy stalker's machinations.
    emerald sea, knittigan and Lady Nurture thanked this post.

  3. #13
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Lost in Oblivion View Post
    Okay, after talking a little bit to @seastallion about this, it seems like a problem I'm having now is...being accidentally seductive.

    I was grade-A retard when it came to determining and initiating attraction before the beginning of this year. Now, it seems like I've gotten to the point where I'm just being friendly and apparently people take it to the point where I like them. OR, people just take my friendliness and playfulness and become attracted to me (or so it seems). [In reality, I actually really hate this.]

    Just wondering if this is shared with other INFJs. It seems like something akin to ENFJs or perhaps ESTPs. Have you been prone to accidentally 'seducing' people, or just drawing people to you that mistake your actions for attraction?
    We INFJs tend to look at people for long periods of time when we're trying to delve into their mind.

    Sometimes it can be interpreted as interest when we're really only just curious
    Dalien, Ethanol, Cantarella and 6 others thanked this post.

  4. #14
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Btmangan View Post
    We INFJs tend to look at people for long periods of time when we're trying to delve into their mind.

    Sometimes it can be interpreted as interest when we're really only just curious
    Well, yeah. Nothing's sexier than an Ni-death stare. I should know.
    Btmangan, Berdudget, PlainJane and 3 others thanked this post.

  5. #15
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by knittigan View Post
    Well, yeah. Nothing's sexier than an Ni-death stare. I should know.
    Dude I know.

    It just seems like the most primal thing, especially w/ INTJs.

    You girls don't grow on trees, though :P
    Cantarella, Hokahey and knittigan thanked this post.

  6. #16
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I don't think I've ever been seductive in my life...accidentally or otherwise. Frankly, I kind of wonder how the hell my boyfriend finds me sexually attractive sometimes. :)
    knittigan, Lady Nurture and Iamtp thanked this post.

  7. #17
    ENTP - The Visionaries


    Quote Originally Posted by LiteratureNerd View Post
    I don't think I've ever been seductive in my life...accidentally or otherwise. Frankly, I kind of wonder how the hell my boyfriend finds me sexually attractive sometimes. :)
    As a dominant extroverted feeler, I've realized that I'm least aware of my own self than any other individual of another type.

    When I first came onto this forum, I didn't even have the self confidence left to believe that anyone would ever be my friend.

    We extroverted feelers are just as sexy to someone else as anyone else is to us. If your bf thinks you're sexy, you are. When you doubt that, you doubt his ability to perceive what's sexy to him ;) Howz that sexy thought to add to your Ni? :)
    Last edited by Jawz; 01-29-2012 at 11:50 AM. Reason: spellings and typos
    Cantarella, LiteratureNerd and knittigan thanked this post.

  8. #18
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Hilarity ensues for me, when it comes to powers (or lackthereof) of seduction: When I'm feeling most seductive, it's usually a very private matter, such as braving summer weather by daring to wear a tank-top as opposed to about two layers and a sweater, for fear of getting chilly. Or it's swimming in a pool and allowing myself to float, unaware of anything but the feeling of floating. However, I do find myself grinning lopsidedly from time to time, and though it feels ridiculously coy and unreal on my face, the other person finds it attractive. Same as when I'm looking away, repeatedly to get my bearings or stuttering and flapping my hands. The problem for me, is that these behaviors are not exclusive to seduction: they're just my habits.
    A few of these behaviors have happened with people that I'd just met, acquaintances, etc. though I think they intuited that I valued the conversation with them, their time but was not looking for anything to sprout from happenstance.
    In short, I can only ever return to the idea of seduction when I'm completely alone: that is when it is real, not contrived and spontaneous. However, the things that others have found seductive/attractive about me I've balked at because I'm not entirely sure if my face splitting in half in a grin or fretful eyes are anything beyond cute, or perhaps, endearing.
    I'm rambling; that's another thing that's apparently seductive. Let's just say that seduction, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
    The unfortunate instances when one is revealing subtly attracting behavior, I find it best to incorporate "closing off" gestures that, though a few people may not catch on to it, most will understand such as crossing one's legs and coupling that with folding the arms and straying your eyes away repeatedly. If standing, jut out one foot, as if you're leaving. It may make for awkwardness, but there's nothing worse than allowing for something else to be taken as invitation.
    I've had only one truly painful, recurring experience with one individual who, though he could never remember my name, would keep trying to engage me in conversation because I had spoken to him at length once.
    Every other instance, I was reading a book either on stairs or on a bench just outside of the library and occasionally looking up to people-watch and smile courteously.
    Another note: There's something particular about an INFJ smile, I think, that startles people. It's sad, but people have been taken aback by the force of a genuine smile. I rather enjoy smiling, but it's difficult to see that many are considering the true, wishing-well smile as extinct.
    Jawz, knittigan and GoodOldDreamer thanked this post.

  9. #19
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by LiteratureNerd View Post
    I don't think I've ever been seductive in my life...accidentally or otherwise. Frankly, I kind of wonder how the hell my boyfriend finds me sexually attractive sometimes. :)
    Some of us find a degree of cluelessness, innocence and naivité irresistible. It's just what I've heard
    My boyfriend probably doesn't know why I find him sexy either. But introverts. Damn. Part of me wishes I didn't like them as much as I do because it means that I have to do all of the chasing, but the chasing...
    Cantarella, Hokahey, LiteratureNerd and 3 others thanked this post.

  10. #20
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by knittigan View Post
    My boyfriend probably doesn't know why I find him sexy either. But introverts. Damn. Part of me wishes I didn't like them as much as I do because it means that I have to do all of the chasing, but the chasing...
    I would love to be chased. All things considered, I'd probably be an easy catch, but still. :o)
    Jawz and knittigan thanked this post.


 
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