[GoodOldDreamer]

Aloha!



So, what is it about being an INFJ that attracts others to us? Friendships, romances, helping others, etc. What is so attractive about us INFJs?

If you're an INFJ, feel free to guess. If you're another type and have been attracted to INFJs before, feel free to tell us what hooked you in. If you're another type and find that you could be attracted to INFJs, assuming you'd ever meet one irl, why is that?

I'm just curious about this, because here on the INFJ forum, you have posts from INFJs discussing topics about such things as viewing life from behind a glass wall. Meanwhile, other types (especially ENTPs, lol) are posting all kinds of strategies to get us attracted to them, because they're apparently coo-coo crazy for us.

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I'm very introverted and I feel socially inept and clumsy, though clearly my Fe compensates for that well enough. Despite the fact that being around other people makes me feel awkward and exhausted, I still observe that several women throughout my shift at work will attempt to flirt with me, and in general more people would befriend me if I were less introverted as well.

I wonder what it is though? I'm nothing special in the looks department. I'd say average at best. Nor do I actively pursue relationships (friends or romances). And despite my shyness (almost a form of people-phobia, in a way), people still seem to enjoy being around me. Fe must really be a miracle worker or something, lol.

Anyhoo, what's your perspective? How's it for you in regards to this?

[Ciergan]

My supposed shyness really depends on the people. There's only so much I can do with Fe in a highly-charged S setting but I can do just fine in a laid-back place. With ES, the whole point is chaos and stimulation. Sorry, can't do that.

What makes us more attractive to some is that despite our introversion, we are very attentive to our surroundings and other people. This can make us appear somewhat otherworldly, although it can be a doofus look sometimes. We also tend to be less judgmental of others. Until we feel unsafe, this means we can jump a lot of unspoken barriers and understand the other person faster, often without the other person realizing it. We're safe and we project a feeling of safety. For ES types, though, this can look really unsettling.

[lonelydreamer]

speaking from personal experience i've found that most of my boyfriends appreciate my calm and cool nature.
although highly energetic and hyper girls can be fun, i think guys still appreciate the laid back type of girls that dont require
much attention. also i think the opposite sex likes the passion we have about things we love.(art,poetry) overall they like the
laid backness,and how deep of a persons we are.

[Aizar]

IRL, I've been told I'm very calm and accepting. People trust me without knowing me very long. I've also been told I'm attractive and have a nice smile whenever I do smile, but I'm not sure if I believe that one!

Online, my humor and my caring. People tell me I'm fun to be around, and when I make friends, I nurture and protect them without seeming overbearing.

In both, my insights, wisdom, and deep thoughts. (Though this can also be a repellent if I unload on someone all at once.)

[charlotteg2761]

I think it might be our empathy that makes people attracted to us for any kind of relationship. The ENF's are just as empathic, but the 'I' means that we're more likely to listen to others than unload our own worries on them. I've made several friends in the past, for example, who've been diagnosed with a number of psychological disorders, mainly based around depression, and I wonder whether people who are emotionally unstable seek out a 'Counsellor' (in profession or personality) as a cry for help?

[emerald sea]

when our Fe is in action, we come across as very warm and empathetic. it's hard not to warm up to someone who is warm towards you, and it's natural to feel comfortable around someone who makes you feel cared about/understood.

when we are in Ni mode, sometimes, i think people who are intrigued by those who are a puzzle to them are drawn to us because they can't figure us out, or want to break through what they perceive as our "shell."

i've found that when the Ni-Ti loop kicks in, people are intimidated rather than drawn towards me, because Fe is in hiding and i get annoyed or combative. i was in that mode part of this week and tend to feel disconnected from others when that happens.

[Jawz]

(Though this can also be a repellent if I unload on someone all at once.)

That - actually works in reverse for me most of the times :/

I've recently started noticing that some women actually find emotionally eloquent men quite attractive.

I wonder if other NF males have had similar experiences.

[unspokendeeplyunderstood]

I think Its just my Realness that attracts others.. not too many real individuals out there.. So when you meet someone not part of the crowd its kinda mind boggling for most people.
Then comes the usual, friendly,caring,deep,honest. etc... If they actually know the stuff that went on in my head, I wonder if they'd still be attracted to me.

[dulcinea]

There was one guy I was attracted to who I'm sure is an INFJ, and what attracted me to him would be his adorableness, and his randomness. He has an extremely offbeat and quirky personality, and he's very funny. He cares a lot about what other people go through and feels their ups and downs with them. He's also very conscientious about doing a good job with whatever he does.

I also work with a girl who took the test and got INFJ, and she's also very quirky, and offbeat and very funny. I find INFJ's can be very accommodating, and eager to please, but are also the kind of people who aren't afraid to stand up for themselves when they've had enough (at least the ones I know are like that). INFJs are also very chameleon like, so they can appeal to a variety of personalities.

[dulcinea]

If they actually know the stuff that went on in my head, I wonder if they'd still be attracted to me.

That's funny, the guy I mentioned that I believe to be an INFJ, told me something very similar to that. He told me some of the stuff that goes on in his head actually, and, I found it very interesting. I guess you'd say, "viewer discretion is advised."