Hi fellow INFJs!
I have been constantly faced with the same sticky friendship situation for 2 years already, and I really hope you guys can help me with the best of your ability!
My class has 2 girls- me and another girl, we will call her Suzy. Being the only 2 girls in class, we got really close together. Meanwhile, I have been on very good terms with a clique of guys in the same class, and Suzy gradually got to make friends with them as well.
She started liking a guy from the clique, I will name him as Tom. Suzy's feelings were plain obvious to the rest of us, since she got really clingy and acts bubbly towards him. Problem is that he has no interest in her, but enjoys the attention Suzy gives him.
She also gets possessively jealous when I chat or hang out with Tom. This is apparent when we interact with each other, Suzy would pop into our conversation.
The rest of the clique started disliking her, and they began 'shoving her aside'. I was well aware of that, and had to choose whether to switch to the guys' side, or continue standing by her, and sacrifice the clique's friendship. Chose the latter, and I drifted away from them.
I would gently steer her away from the clique for lunches, or during breaks. It was too painful to watch her being treated with dislike by the guys, and not care about her feelings. This situation continued for some time, although she would run over to Tom's side every once in a while.
Until recently, Suzy and Tom got close again. Tom already has a open relationship with someone else. She starts going over to him every chance she gets, leaving me to myself. They would sit together in lectures, and sometimes I get this 'back-off' vibe from her. I began acting like a loner, knowing that I shouldn't turn to the clique at this stage.
Suzy treats me like a spare tire, talking to me when Tom isn't free. It makes me really sad.
However, the clique has never forgotten me as their friend. They showed their care and presence in small, sometimes subtle ways. I still hang out with them privately, but never in front of Suzy.
Since Tom and Suzy got closer, I had to stick along and interact with the clique. It got so awkward at times, I don't know whether to act close or distant, knowing that Suzy's wrath of jealousy will be felt if I got closer. I usually become distant, and deliberately leave myself out when together with Suzy and the clique.
You guys might wonder why I'm doing this for her, but its because she reminds me so much of myself. In the past, I was like her- socially awkward, ignorant/innocent, and very nerdy. Now that I grew older, and understood the unspoken set of social codes, that awkward phase was long past.
I feel so conflicted, I can't bear to hurt her, but I'm slowly dying- watching my every move and word closely, so as not to make anyone uncomfortable. Would love to hear your thoughts on this issue of mine :)