[INFJ] Do many INFJ's have a history of being abused as children?

Do many INFJ's have a history of being abused as children?

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This is a discussion on Do many INFJ's have a history of being abused as children? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I've noticed it is a recurring theme when I read threads about INFJ's frustrations and the things we become depressed ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Do many INFJ's have a history of being abused as children?

    I've noticed it is a recurring theme when I read threads about INFJ's frustrations and the things we become depressed about.
    I know that I was abused as a child by my father, my mother, sometimes other adults, and a lot of other children at school.
    Not that I'm looking for help coping, but I know that my history as a victim of abuse has changed me.

    Do other people here have similar experiences as children? Is it a common thing among people with INFJ temperaments? Is it largely separate from temperamental development?

    I also want to say before this thread really gets started that I am not trying to cause recurring memories. I believe that if you need help or are seeking help that this forum isn't quite the right place to look.
    Dauntless, Somberlain, ardentauthor and 3 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I think most if not all INFJs receive some kind of abuse, even if it's not intentional and life overall has been good to us. Being outcasted by almost everyone for being different and/or misunderstood is a form of abuse, even if it's not meant as abuse by those causing it. But anyway, that was more of a general response.

    I grew up in abusive home, yes. My father was an alcoholic. And my mom ended up becoming one in order to deal with him. It was not a fun time for any of us. I won't go into more detail than that, other than to say my dad's an ESTJ, while my mom's an INFP. I'm sure you can see how well they got along right there. And me being an INFJ, it wasn't any better.

    I spent most of my childhood physically protecting my mother from my father when he'd rage, because he wouldn't hit her if I were there in the middle, and she spent most of my childhood trying to protect me emotionally from my father, who used emotional and verbal abuse on me, since hitting me would leave evidence behind. -_-
    Dauntless, ohTOMICho, Aizar and 12 others thanked this post.

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I wasn't physically abused, or sexually, really. Mostly psychologically and emotionally. Sometimes verbally.
    I was often neglected though. My parents were both alcoholics.
    I've heard this childhood abuse is common for both INFP's and INFJ's.

    I think it might explain some of the introversion and intuition. When you grow up in an abusive home, you can quickly learn to keep things to yourself and use intuition to try to predict outcomes, since abusive/alcoholic/addicted people can be so sporadic and unpredictable. We learn to "read between the lines".
    Dauntless, beast in peace, Aizar and 7 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I got emotionally abused a bit and my parents never thought to ask me how I felt when they divorced. I was 7 when they divorced.
    ardentauthor and Somethinglikeastar thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by GoodOldDreamer:1770104
    I won't go into more detail than that, other than to say my dad's an ESTJ, while my mom's an INFP. I'm sure you can see how well they got along right there. And me being an INFJ, it wasn't any better.
    My parents were ESTJ/INFP as well. You have my sympathy...that's one unholy union.
    GoodOldDreamer and StaceofBass thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I don't think I was ever physically abused as a child, but in some instances I was abused mentally by a mean babysitter.

    I was around a lot of abused children though.

    However, what I do notice in retrospect looking back upon my childhood, often I perceived adult & teenager attitudes toward me to be psychologically abusive, when in fact they were not. If someone besides my mother or father would tell me to do something, I would usually refuse or voice my objection. I usually had to know "why" I was supposed to do something in order to get me to approve of doing it. A lot of adults don't like that from children, and they would yell or get harsh with me. This would either lead to me throwing a temper tantrum or crying. I eventually became passive-aggressive due to this treatment by various people who weren't doing anything wrong, they were just being themselves.

    It just turned out that my mother and father were the nicest two people I ever came across, and other people couldn't live-up to their standards. Whenever I asked them a question, they'd always answer it in a way that made me feel good about what they were asking. If they needed me to do something, they would ask me in a nice tone, instead of telling me in a mean tone. Whenever someone asks for my help nicely, I usually can't refuse. So the problems I had with people in childhood were that simple.

    I'm just innately the type of person that wont be oppressed by authority. Which if I had to guess relates to the INFJ type but also back to my previous life.
    Aizar, Somberlain, StaceofBass and 1 others thanked this post.

  7. #7
    Unknown Personality

    My Dear INFJ's...

    There simply is an enormous amount of abuse of children in this world. It is not a type moulding thing.
    Dalien, FromTheWorldUp, Miss Keks and 16 others thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Sure my mother hit me when I was out of line but I wouldn't consider it physical abuse. My father was a heavy drinker but was never one to take out problems on the family since like me..he was the suffer in silence type. My parents did fight a lot though and every time they fought it really affected me, I would feel it right along with them and carry that with me emotionally when I was a kid. They eventually divorced when I was like 6-7 years old and I went to live with my mother. My father disappeared into his own life and I never really saw much of him after that, so I didn't have much of a father figure at all through most of my life.

    I think I received more verbal abuse from my friends and kids at school then I ever did my mother since she worked so much. Since I was the quiet one I tended to get a lot of attention for being the odd man out all the time. My friends gave me a lot of flak also for always being so quiet and reserved, but they eventually just accepted it and instead made me the honorary counselor of the group.
    StaceofBass thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Anahata View Post
    My Dear INFJ's...

    There simply is an enormous amount of abuse of children in this world. It is not a type moulding thing.
    I think you are speaking an enormous truth.
    Anahata, warweasel and StaceofBass thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by ABOZ View Post
    I've noticed it is a recurring theme when I read threads about INFJ's frustrations and the things we become depressed about.
    I know that I was abused as a child by my father, my mother, sometimes other adults, and a lot of other children at school.
    Not that I'm looking for help coping, but I know that my history as a victim of abuse has changed me.

    Do other people here have similar experiences as children? Is it a common thing among people with INFJ temperaments? Is it largely separate from temperamental development?

    I also want to say before this thread really gets started that I am not trying to cause recurring memories. I believe that if you need help or are seeking help that this forum isn't quite the right place to look.
    I had a weird childhood, some aspects were full of joy and happiness even in the midst of a poverty-stricken environment. I lived and grew up in one of Brazil's poorest cities. Anyways, it was a typical scenario: it was the norm for parents to hit their kids all the time, the abuse I received made me physically violent for many years later and I struggled with my temper as I tried adjusting to American life in the States. Kids hit each other, there was murder in the streets, in the TV it was normal to see reports of crime, theft, etc... People pretty much did what they had to do in order to survive, I was lucky that I had an opportunity to move to the States and I am grateful. I was abused in school too by my teachers, one time I forget why, but my teacher made me do some prayers on my knees atop kernels of corn (very painful, but common place punishment in Catholic schools of Brazil). Even in the USA, I feel that I've been emotionally exploited, and I have lacked a respectable, loving father figure growing up. I have been through verbal abuse as well.

    I think that even though I have been through a lot, I feel blessed to be alive and happy with where I am headed in life. Also I feel that there are folks who have it a lot worse so I shouldnt complain, and besides that I feel I am a stronger person for striving to be better than those who have failed and abused me.
    StaceofBass and Datababy thanked this post.


 
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