My ESFJ friend is having issues with her INFJ boyfriend and decided to come to me and my sister for help. Her boyfriend is quite a young/immature INFJ (in the way he's very easily influenced by his best friend, who is a very poor role model) and he's been quite thoughtless (letting my ESFJ friend walk to his house in the dark alone, not calling to see if she's ok when she seems upset etc.) - I know these are signs he's got stuff on his mind, but I'm wondering what I can do to help her.
The main problem is she's getting insecure about him texting his ex-girlfriend all the time, right in front of her. To me, this shows he truly cares for her enough to let her see what he's doing, but to her, she thinks he's bored of her and wants to get back with his ex. I tried to explain this, but it didn't really get through. She also heard some of her flat mates talking about the ex, saying she was really pretty and stuff like that, which really bothered her. I personally don't get that kind of thing, but my ESFJ friend is very concerned with appearance (VERY concerned) and dresses up every time they go out, puts loads of makeup and perfume on etc. so that was the worst thing for her to hear. I also told her to ask him about it straight out, but she hasn't.
Another issue is that he's not verbally affectionate. Another INFJ trait being they do rather than say - I told my ESFJ friend when he gives her a hug or pats her on the shoulder, it means more than saying 'I really like you' or something, but she didn't understand that.
Overall, it seems like this relationship is a bad idea to me, as they just don't get each other, but my ESFJ friend is determined to keep it up and I don't want her to get hurt, so I'd like any advice on how to help her (and him) through it.
I know my ESFJ friend is insecure (she has lots of insecurities, never really being asked out before - she thinks she's too unattractive, when, in fact, it was all because of her being too fake - overly happy, and stuff) and she's never been in a relationship before.
My INFJ friend did ask her if she was ok and she said yes, but when he didn't call to check on her later, she got upset and came crying to me and my sister. Now she seems very stressed out and depressed (needs to be with people all the time, clingy, not wanting to do university work, trying to compete with all the girls around her etc.) so I'd like to get her back on track asap. I'm quite worried about her.
Any help is greatly appreciated.