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INFJ Relationships - Describe Your Past/Current Relationships With Other Types

[INFJ] 
10K views 64 replies 34 participants last post by  Epic Love 
#1 ·
Being a single and relationship-paranoid INFJ, I'm curious as to the successful or unsuccessful relationships of INFJs with other types. Of course, the apparent "ideal" relationship being with an ENTP, I'm curious as to how that relationship dynamic works from the perspective of an INFJ. Don't get me wrong - I'm interested in the other types dynamics as well, since obviously true love is not limited to what's considered "ideal".

For Successful Relationships/Marriages
- What do you love about the type you chose?
- What initially attracted you to the person?
- What facets of your relationship have you personally struggled with? Or what have they struggled with regarding you?
- Even though you're happy in your current relationship, do you think you would be even happier with someone of another type?
- Do you/have you find yourself drawn to certain types other than the "ideal" ENTP type? Which types and Why?

For Unsuccessful Relationships/Marriages
- What didn't work about the relationship? (Please state type)
- What was the hardest part to deal with in the relationship?
- What drew you to that person in the first place?
- Anything you enjoyed about their type?
- Would you ever be with someone of the same type again?
- Do you/have you find yourself drawn to certain types other than the "ideal" ENTP type? Which types and Why?

For Those Not Currently In A Relationship
- Are there any specific types you are not attracted to or would not date?
- Are there specific types you prefer or are searching for?
- Have you ever dated an ENTP? Or any NT? (please specify which) If so, how was that relationship?


I personally have dated guys of varying types - ISFP, ESFJ, ENFP, INFP, INTJ, etc. The ones I connected with/idealized most of course were the N's. The ones I communicated best with were the Es. Ever so slowly I am discovering what I work best with and hoping I can find someone that compliments me perfectly. However I do have an issue of trying to reduce love to a science, which I know is unreasonable. But hey, a girl can try!
 
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#2 ·
I don't think there's a real trouble in finding out what works for you, even in this case. But sometimes surprises aren't so bad.
There's really no way to avoid typism here.. but I'll give my personal reasons.

- Are there any specific types you are not attracted to or would not date?
I haven't really seen all types in action but from what I've observed: some ESFXs, XSTJs don't really ding with me, if you know what I mean. Some are good for challenging the self and getting that Se working, pretty fun to be with too.. but it eventually gets draining. Personally, I find some to be uninterested in the things I'm really into and vice versa. It's hard to see myself in a position where I don't feel like I belong. Egotistic to think about myself, I know I should be thinking more about what I could offer.. but they're probably better off with someone they really click with in the long run. Too much compromising, I believe, just hinders the poor being.

- Are there specific types you prefer or are searching for?
I think INXXs kinda tops it. So that includes: INFJs, INTJs, INFPs, INTPs. Maybe ENFXs.
ISTPs, I reckon-- pretty well with compensating the weaknesses
Why not cookies and music too: ISFx

They're all sort of around my wavelength, but even then it's still a wide spectrum.

- Have you ever dated an ENTP? Or any NT? (please specify which) If so, how was that relationship?
No, sorry.. Closest are friends: INTP and INTJ.
If you still want to know, many times we're all kind of individualists around each other. But very supportive, fun and pretty harmonised throughout.


cheers.
 
#3 ·
Here are my thoughts on this so far in life:

E's may seek a fundamentally different lifestyle than me and that would lead to frustrations and a need to compromise on something that is fairly fundamental to each person.

T's need to learn to respect F's. I mean, in general most relationships should be based on deep respect for the other person but T's are challenged to understand their F partner without having the same experience of Fe. Note that a lot has been written about how auxiliary, tertiary, inferior, functions develop over the lifespan.

P's and J's approach problem solving differently. That can lead to conflict until the couple finds a way to function together.

There are great websites about the unhealthy version of each type.

I dunno. I'm starting to see that there is a big shortcut in regards to figuring out relationships with other people. Try to assess how much control they need to feel over their environment. At the end of the day, it just seems to be hard to enjoy time with people who have control issues. They end up projecting their need to control onto the moving objects in their view.
 
#4 ·
I've always been a soul searcher, often taking a deeper look into people and trying to see if we were meant to mean something to one another. For awhile, it was really just Soulmate or bust, but overtime I started to appreciate just the sort of growth and closeness you could experience with people, romantic or not. I've never really been one for casual dating, but I have had numerous "serious" relationships where it was just a constant push to delve further and visit places we had never been.

I'm often drawn to introverts, partly because of their elusivity and, by extension, exclusivity. I consider them to be a treasure chests of thoughts and interests just locked away, but begging to be opened. I also find a certain appeal in emotional types who can experience their feelings in the more purest form whether it be high highs or low lows -- they feel so alive. In a strange way, I'm attracted to those who have faced hardships as with it often comes a certain level of refinement and compassion towards others.

After dating an assortment of types primarily in the ENFJ/ENFP/ISFX realm, I became type-obsessed with INFPs for a bit -- maybe they embodied what I was looking for? Ugh, I met this one self professed INFP girl and within minutes she made me want to shoot myself. She was the kind of person that would talk about herself for 95% of the conversation, pause, ask something about you and after you give your 1 sentence long response, she'd relate it all back to her and continue on with her essay. After awhile, I sort of gave up on type obsessions. Next thing I know I meet another INFP girl, just go in open minded, bam... marry her.

My logic is that within every type there's something you wouldn't hit the breaks for if they were crossing the street & there's someone that you could easily fall for.

Even though you're happy in your current relationship, do you think you would be even happier with someone of another type?

I've ended perfectly fine and happy relationships in the pursuit of something more... fulfilment. I doubted myself at times doing this, but it worked its way out in the end for everyone.
 
#5 ·
I really don't believe type is the defining factor in what will make a marriage work, but rather maturity, shared values, and commitment.

Of course type compatibility can make things easier. I have had many female E's and S's that I've cared about, and have had such a strong compulsion to "protect." Yet communication could become something of an issue - we just rarely cared about the same things. When we weren't talking about their crap in their lives, which don't get me wrong, I loved to listen to, we wouldn't have anything to talk about. Beyond physical attraction and the emotional bond built up from being a shoulder to cry on, I don't know if I'll ever end up with an ES in a serious relationship. I'm afraid I'd lose interest and hurt her.

I've only been in one serious relationship (over a few months), and that was with an ISTP for 6 years. The only other close relationship I had was with an ISFJ, and even though we weren't physical or even exclusive, I felt so much more for her than anyone I was sexually intimate with. We'll get in touch every now and then, but she's several hours away. Such a sweet girl, and I wonder sometimes how things might have been had circumstances been different.

All the others were flingish or relationships in high school, which I wouldn't consider worth going on about. I was kind of just trying them out. They were all sensors, though.

For Unsuccessful Relationships/Marriages

Again, she was an ISTP. It didn't work out because in the end, we didn't share the same values (and apparently not the same idea of "commitment" given she cheated on me). We had a lot of issues that resulted on our split, but she wanted to divorce because she felt, "our relationship wasn't productive to her as a person." It was that which drove me to her in the first place, her fierce independence and drive to do her own thing.

She was drop dead gorgeous. All feminine on the outside, but also stoic and analytical. The bar has been set rather high on the physical front.

As a male INFJ with fairly developed Ti (as most guy INFJ's who need to adapt), I don't see the appeal in ENTPs. ENFPs get me sort of fluttery, however. ISTPs are hot. I could see pursuing a relationship with another that is mature and if our values coincide. But again, I think it's more on the individual than the type.
 
#6 ·
Maturity in my partner is a big thing for me

I'm currently in a relationship with an ENTJ. He's very sweet, loving, and kind and I admire his logical thinking process. He's good at investigating and knowing what I'm about to say before I say it as well. Them NTs--- such smarties ~

When I first met him, I loved how intelligent he was. There was just something about him that made me want to know about him more. He was very mysterious and witty, and I liked how he was good at playing any musical instrument (and learning anything he hasn't played before pretty quickly).

He wasn't as mature back then however, and at the time, came off as cold, ruthless, and arrogant. Over time though, (we've known each other for 5 years now) he became much sweeter and more considerate of other people's feelings.

Struggles we encountered involve me misreading how he feels. He doesn't always express emotion well. Like, he'd be super happy but when you look at him, he looks tired as fuck or stressed. I also have this issue where I begin to feel how other people feel, so if I misread him and think he's mad, I'll end up being mad and he'll be confused.

Overall, however, we involve a lot of communication in our relationship so we are on the same page and happy. I'm very satisfied with him and we've been together for 1 1/2 years now.


When it comes to other types, I'm not entirely sure if I'll be happier with someone else. To be honest, I've heard A LOT of GOOD things about ENTPs. I'm not looking for someone else, but I would love to have an ENTP friend to have creative conversations with every now and then. I'm not sure I've met any before (maybe I've met one, but I typed him myself, so I don't know how sure I was on that either), but I still am curious about them.

I heard they have the smarts of and argumentative atmosphere of the ENTJ but have a lot of ideas like us INFJs (and are less organized and more spontaneous). I'm still looking forward to meeting an ENTP though.

I don't know if I'd be drawn to other types; I've only had 2 real crushes in my life (the 2nd being the person I'm with right now). I'm super picky.
 
#7 ·
I've always heard that INFJ's best match is ENFP! I'm currently in a relationship with one right now and very happy. I do have an ENTP brother (obviously not the same dynamic as a couple) but despite my good relationship with him, he's definitely put me off ENTP's. Way too much work to get them to open up about their feelings, which they value so little anyways.


- What do you love about the type you chose?
I love that he's not afraid to dream big and shoot for the stars. I love that he gets excited about life and wants to experience it fully. I love how incredible his intuition is (I've never seen anything like it) and how he really gets people, he can always tell if someone is being genuine and what the best way in handling a social situation is. I love that he can be honest with his feelings and values them a lot. I love how easy-going and laid-back he is because I need that balance in my life.

- What initially attracted you to the person?
His big ideas and the fact that he believed in me.

- What facets of your relationship have you personally struggled with? Or what have they struggled with regarding you?
Everything that I struggle with is everything I love about him but just too much of it. Like I love his big ideas but I struggle when he's not realistic enough to implement them. I love his zest for life but I'm also a quiet introvert so I can have trouble keeping up. I love how laid-back he is but that can get in the way of productivity and it frustrates me at times.
I think he struggles with my perfectionism in life. I'm quite rigid and I won't settle for anything less than the best, which includes our relationship. Before I was constantly trying to work at it to make it perfect which was tiring for him trying to fix something he didn't see as broken. Now I've lightened up (at least I think haha) and try to just enjoy our relationship. It's never going to be 100% perfect and I'm OK with that.

- Even though you're happy in your current relationship, do you think you would be even happier with someone of another type?
No, I don't think so. I definitely am drawn to the Extroverted types because I need someone to push me socially sometimes. I can't seem to connect deeply with Sensing types. Even though they're fun, the strong connection I need for a relationship isn't there. I value my Feelings and the Feelings of others a lot, it's what helps me to navigate through life and I feel I would need to share that with someone to be happy. And I'm quite Judging and I think another J type would be very intense.

- Do you/have you find yourself drawn to certain types other than the "ideal" ENTP type? Which types and Why?
Like I said, ENFP and for all the reasons above :)
 
#13 ·
I've always heard that INFJ's best match is ENFP! I'm currently in a relationship with one right now and very happy. I do have an ENTP brother (obviously not the same dynamic as a couple) but despite my good relationship with him, he's definitely put me off ENTP's. Way too much work to get them to open up about their feelings, which they value so little anyways.
I LOVE that you offer an alternative perspective of the ideal type. I've never heard that ENFPs are the best match for INFJ so that's a new thought for me - but you're incredibly convincing and your logic is sound. And I love that you've analyzed your relationship to the point that you not only know that it works, but you know exactly why it works.

Thank you so much for sharing!
 
#8 ·
Section 2:
 

What didn't work about the relationship? (INFP)
Distrust/Paranoia on my part, general over-attachment and unwillingness to accept Fe. We had a few arguments that came down to Fe vs. Fi that she would start and never leave, even if I completely ignored the conversation.
What was the hardest part to deal with in the relationship?
Fi vs. Fe. I think it can be hard to translate between the two, especially since Ni is unconscious. A lot of our minor disagreements were also what's right (Me, type 1) vs. what's polite (her, type 2).
What drew you to that person in the first place?
Overall cheer and bubbliness, as well as a kindness towards me. One could even say her interest in me was what drew me in.
Anything you enjoyed about their type?
My conversations with Ne can be incredibly relaxing and refreshing, and honesty with Fi can be very helpful in a relationship.
Would you ever be with someone of the same type again?
In honesty, I rarely account for type when looking for a partner. There are types I am more interested in, but the meat of the personality isn't expressed by the MBTI. As such, I hold nothing against INFP (she was rather naive, even for an NF TBH.)
Do you/have you find yourself drawn to certain types other than the "ideal" ENTP type? Which types and Why?
Yes. In fact, I haven't ID'd an ENTP in the wild yet, so I don't know how attracted I am to them. (I'm also an INXJ, so they may not be my "ideal.") The type I find most refreshing are INTP, the Ti/Ne can really help sort me out. I find Ns more attractive than Ss and Ts more attractive than Fs. (Mind you, I'm fairly young, so many Fs are still balancing out.)


Section 3:
 

Are there any specific types you are not attracted to or would not date?
I've overall decided to stay well out of reach of ESxJs, especially those who are power hungry. Bad experiences with the type, and old habits.
Are there specific types you prefer or are searching for?
Ns are particularly attractive, and at my age Ts are more balanced (in general), which syncs up well with my maturity. My two interests right now are likely an INTP and ENTJ, if that tells you anything.
 
#10 ·
I'm not sure if I'm right to respond but I've actually never been in a relationship before. I don't think I'm in the right place emotionally to be in a relationship and I'm working through my own personal issues. And whenever I'm trying to change something in myself I tend to go into my own mental cave and push people away because I hate being a whiner. I dislike those people so I try (succeed too well) in hiding what's really going on with me. I also hate to complain.

But relationships are something I fear somewhat. I always feel reserved when meeting someone, yet I somehow manage to gain their trust and they can talk to me about whatever very quickly no matter how personal. But because I detect BS very quickly, a lot of people tend to disappoint me in ways that I guess most personalities don't have a problem with.

It just seems very daunting to allow someone in. It's not just fun and games for me, I'm letting you in into my soul and I think me protecting myself is the wrong way to go at it, but it's my defense mechanism. I wish I could just go with it and not think about what could go wrong, or think ten years ahead, petrified about potential divorce. It sounds ridiculous but I can't help it lol I'm a little insane in the membrane (insane in the brain).

I've been reading a lot about the ENTPs and I can see the potential dating problems. I've also learned that I can be a control freak and uptight. I've learned a lot from everyone's experiences and the reason why I think a (mature) ENTP would be good for me is because I am in love with Jon Stewart. Okay moving on. But also because I'm an extreme introvert, I need that push to go outside. Literally my life is the internet. I need that sort of eccentric personality to get me to do different things. I wouldn't mind learning a new language, travel to a new country, take up random activities all of a sudden because my ENTP was inspired. Of course they would need to understand that I need alone time, being around people drains me, and that me not being involved in every one of their social meetings or hobbies means I'm not interested. I also think ENTPs have great freaking arguments, I've never met one in real life. But I feel like if they're going to argue it's because they have the intelligence to back it up and the multiple perspective quality. I am extremely sensitive but thanks to this website I learned that ENTP's like to debate and I would easily mistake that for arguing and take it personally but really they are just really excited, and working out a really great debate. They would help me be more intelligent, they would give me a stimulating conversation and have of course that ENTP smirk on their face. I really hope ENTP's are funny because I think that's just as important to me as intelligence. Though I heard they're messy? That would drive me insane. I'm pretty clean. Not OCD, but well, okay maybe a little. But I think over time I would get over it and just accept the fact they'll never pick up their socks from the floor.

Hope this helps?
 
#15 ·
First of all, love the Cypress Hill reference. Second, I get where you're coming from completely. Relationships are scary - I feel most of all for INFJs. Letting people in is a huge deal, and if someone lets you down or disappoints in any way it's like a personal blow straight to our core. But hopefully in time as you grow and mature and learn more about yourself, you'll feel confident enough that when you find someone to let in, you'll be able to and know they won't let you down (at least not intentionally). Even though you've never been in a relationship, I respect your thoughts just the same. So thanks for replying :) ENTPs definitely do love to argue. I actually do know a couple, but they're very young still (early to mid 20s - and for an ENTP that's quite immature still haha ) and they do love to banter. But to them it's lighthearted, so you have to be a little tough-skinned and let it just roll off you. Hopefully as they mature they get a little less intense on the arguing, but this remains to be seen... Also, totally agree on the them doing the whole getting us out of the house thing. haha I'm pretty much holed up in my room like all the time. Thankfully as I got older I learned that it's ok to go outside too, and I actually enjoy it ;)
 
#11 ·
- Do you/have you find yourself drawn to certain types other than the "ideal" ENTP type? Which types and Why?
There's different theories out there for what the ideal is for each type. People agree and disagree.


I don't even know what type all my past relationships were. I could guess but it would just be a guess. I think I initially always seemed to be drawn to or would crush on SP types in my younger years. It was more something about their energy. No relationship experience at this point whatsoever. I was also extremely shallow at this point in my life. And no, I'm not saying SP types are shallow.


I'm married to an INFJ but for a long time we both thought he was an ENFJ. This is most likely because he's the Fe subtype. I'm even questioning if I'm the Fe subtype these days but several things make me unsure about it. I wouldn't say every INFJ would be ideal for me though. There's a lot more to it than that. A lot more.

- What initially attracted you to the person?
I liked how he was always so focused on the importance of growth. I like to be challenged in that way (both my heart and mind) so just having all his ideas and teachings to hold onto - fed my soul and could open up the best discussions and help me live up to my fullest potential. He had strong convictions. I admired that. Not at first but I grew to admire it.


I also felt like his way of viewing the world liberated me from a lot of false things that I had taken as true in my head. They were harming me. He offered clarity, truth and understanding. Probably why my family thought I was brainwashed by him or something. What they didn't know was that in the beginning, this attraction or chemistry wasn't really present at all. He'd infuriate me to no end. It took time to get to really know him - just like with anyone.


- What facets of your relationship have you personally struggled with? Or what have they struggled with regarding you?
 
I feel like the struggles we faced weren't really type related or rather, I feel like just relating it to type would be like telling it to you from a very surface level. Enneagram comes to mind but then I think about all the things that are missing from the equation and I'd take too long to explain because I'm too long-winded.

I will tell you one thing. I can remember early on in our marriage struggling with envy due to low self-esteem. I envied all of the gifts he posessed. There was admiration there as I said but it turned into envy and I'd find myself resenting him for all the things he had that I didn't. To me, he was socially capable and charasmatic and I felt like a dim light around others in comparison. I trusted his judgment above my own. At the time I felt my own thoughts were worthless because in comparison, he seemed to have a much deeper understanding of things than I could never hope to posess. He always seemed right to me and I felt stupid and incomplete. I didn't feel like I had anything to offer the world at this time. Who would value what I had to give? All this was weird to me because he used to say that he envied all of MY gifts. We're so silly!


I can confidently say that no longer exists. I no longer feel that way at all. I developed myself more and kind of went off in my own head a bit to explore certain things. I came out feeling stronger in myself and my views. And I'll continue to do that as time goes on because that's just how the process works. Now it's just gone back to the admiration and I can confidently say that even though I still struggle with low self-esteem, there are things about myself that I enjoy and value and I don't want anyone else's gift or to be someone else. I like what I have and I am confident in that at least. Well look at that - I wrote a damn novel like I said I wasn't going to do.


- Even though you're happy in your current relationship, do you think you would be even happier with someone of another type?
I think it's good to have experience with multiple people so you know what you like and what you don't like in a partner. It will probably make you more confident in your choice. No, I don't think I would be happier with another person or type or I'd probably be with someone else. He's apart of me. There's no escaping it. That doesn't mean all the work is done (hate referring to it as "work"). You still have to pour water on the thing.

-------------
For Unsuccessful Relationships - it can all be summed up in - we were both immature, me completely committing to people who I was clearly incompatible with and ignoring it because I'm lonely. I was also always the leader in those relationships. I needed my equal, not someone weaker. Sooner or later though, the truth gets louder and louder and it becomes harder to drown out.
 
#12 ·
I've been in a relationship with an ENFP and an ENTJ. They were completely different people, and while I truly learned a lot in those relationships, I don't think I'd date anyone like them again. This isn't to say that I wouldn't date another ENFP or ENTJ.

My ENFP was extremely effusive, nurturing, always thinking about how to love me more passionately. In theory, this is very adorable and something to strive for in a relationship; in practice, it might work better if your partner is the same way. He would sometimes be frustrated at me because I wasn't as 'passionate' as him. It was harder for him to control his emotions -- every emotion he had was intense, including negative ones like anger or sadness, which really scared me because I liked having intense emotions kept inside and expressing my more superficial ones more readily. I was also super focused on my schoolwork and work life at the time, and he didn't have it in him to be focused on that at all. He wanted to change the world and was idealistic about helping others, but he wanted to do that in a more spiritual 'let's cure poverty through love and affection' way, whereas I was a bit more grounded and practical than he was, and I also did more with my time than he did. We had a lot of fun together though; he was very adventurous, always looking for new things to explore, and he was very silly and had a great sense of humor. We went to a lot of neat places and had a lot of inside jokes, and we could always read each others' body languages ("you're covering your stomach; are you anxious?"). I think the biggest problem in our relationship was that I wasn't very adventurous, and he needed that in a partner. He also was very, very sexual, whereas I just wasn't able to 'let myself go' in that regard. He would have had a better relationship with another ENFP, or maybe an INFP -- someone who can get lost in their emotions and sensations instead of self-consciously analyzing them at all times.

My ENTJ and I were completely different. He was far less intense, very formal and professorial. We were best friends beforehand and spent all our time together anyway, so it felt hardly any different once we were in a relationship, and I liked that. But he was also very hardworking and perfectionistic, and I always felt very incompetent around him. He also wasn't very fluid in social situations, and he didn't 'get' my sense of humor (and his was mostly comprised of dad jokes), which in retrospect would REALLY bother me, as those things are important to me. He also didn't really like music, as he felt it had no 'practical' purpose. He was incredibly intelligent and we'd stay up all night talking, which could be exhilarating in a comfortable way. I would describe this relationship was 'comfortable', which isn't a bad thing; sometimes it is preferable to the 'intense' kind of relationship I had with my ENFP. And with my ENTJ, I felt deeply in love. He wasn't very sexual at all (almost asexual), which in some ways made me more sexually present with him, because I felt like I could 'lead the way' in that regard. Our relationship ended due to the huge discrepancy in work ethic; he wanted to work all the time, from sun-up to sundown, and I wanted to save some time to just hang out and slow down. He knew I was unhappy, and he knew I'd only continue to be unhappy in the future, so he ended it. He would have worked better with another ENTJ or an INTJ (or maybe even an extra-hardworking ENFJ -- definitely a strong 'J' type, as he couldn't stand it when I was messy or had something non-perfect about me).

Nowadays, I have a pretty good idea of who I'd like to be with. I'm thinking either an xNTP or an INTJ, though I actually wouldn't mind being with an S type that enjoyed talking about cool ideas and theory (I have a lot of S friends who like to do that). xNTP types have felt the most 'natural' to me -- quirky, intelligent, quick-minded, often somewhat shy, have a very apparent 'softer' side to them that makes me want to care for them (some INTJs have this too, but in a different way). One thing that is important to me is that I want my partner to be well-integrated into my friend group, and I want my friend group to love him as much as they love me. I know that this shouldn't be a big factor, but when I see partners that are super well-integrated into friend groups (to the point where the group has given them a nickname and everything), I get very jealous. My family also has to like them, or else I just can't see myself dating them. I know it shouldn't matter so much as to determine who I'm with, but it does.

I also love being cared for. I'm drawn to caretakers like a moth to a flame -- I think 'acts of service' is my love language. My very best friends right now are all ESTJ (females) or ISTJ (male). I'm not yet sure if I'd date him, but my ISTJ friend and I have always had a special spot for each other (to the point where people think we're dating), though he knows all my drama and crushes and talks with me for hours about it. He is always helping me or caring for me, and when he sees me tired or sad, it breaks his heart and he won't leave my side until I'm feeling better or tucked away in a warm bed. He always rubs my back when I'm stressed and tells me that I'm perfect and insightful and have an amazing mind -- basically everything an INFJ wants to hear. :) And he and I have the same sense of humor and same friend group. It's the kind of relationship where everything I say or do, he thinks is amazing (and vice-versa). I admire how steady he is, how he helps anyone who asks, how true he is to himself (something I am not at all), and how deeply he cares for his friends. Despite him being a sensor with leading Si, he is very future-oriented and loves to engage in very abstract conversations (though he gets impatient with ideas that aren't practical). I've never met a better guy, and I could probably see myself with him someday.

Yeesh...that was long.
 
#16 ·
Super long haha, but I definitely soaked up the entire thing... thank you for sharing that, it was very well written and expressed. I have to say though, it totally sounds like your ISTJ friend is feeling you big time. ;) And the relationship seems perfectly symbiotic. I'd love to see this made into a movie or TV show...
 
#18 ·
I'm not going through all my past relationships because there are too many.

- What do you love about the type you chose?
ESFP - embraced life more than I ever could and enjoyed everything so much (Im still friends with him, he's a great guy).
ESFJ - Caring and organised, tended to say what we were doing which I was happy with (I hate making decisions).
ISFP - Passionate and genuine, relaxed (older guy, so also more mature).
ESTJ - Interesting and fairly novel (Ive never really met Te doms and so dating one was very entertaining)
ENFP - Very fun and relaxed, very casual.
ENTP - Interesting, talked about ideas that I was in to etc.

- What initially attracted you to the person?
ESFP - The energy and enthusiasm and confidence.
ESFJ - Similar values.
ISFP - Passion for his hobbies.
ESTJ - Novelty.
ENFP - Fun and relaxed.
ENTP - Interesting

- What facets of your relationship have you personally struggled with? Or what have they struggled with regarding you?
With me I think all struggled with the fact I eventually lose hope for the relationship and vanish - weirdly I just feel the connection gets lost and I cant continue without it (why bother when you havent got a connection?) Also my anxiety and depression with my introverted nature makes me withdraw often, which most hated.
ESFP - Too energetic for me to keep up with.
ESFJ - Too controlling.
ISFP - Seemingly not interested at points.
ESTJ - Had expectations I couldnt/wouldnt meet.
ENFP - Nothing, just fizzled out.
ENTP - Again, it just fizzled out.


- Even though you're happy in your current relationship, do you think you would be even happier with someone of another type?
Maybe, but that's just "the grass is greener over the fence" syndrome.

- Do you/have you find yourself drawn to certain types other than the "ideal" ENTP type? Which types and Why?
Se users, probably because they do with ease what I struggle with.

When not in a relationship I only miss the comforting feeling of being close to someone, but I value the free time and being able to live in a way I want with less compromise...
 
#19 ·
I'm not sure what type my ex-husband is. He's hard to read. We were very passionate early in our relationship...it was long-distance for the first 8 months or so, so we sent each other cards and love letters. Life happened, and we grew apart...

My longest relationship since was with an ISTP. He's a great man, and we are still friends, but he was too emotionally distant for me and had a cold and stubborn side that was hard for me to live with. I think that the reason I thought i was an INTP for so long was because I did the INFJ chameleon thing and dialed down my Fe for so long so it wouldn't overwhelm him.

Being with an ENTP who I'd say has high Fe for nearly a year seemed to do wonders for bringing my Fe to the surface again. We went separate ways a few months ago, because some life obstacles were too much for us to overcome, but I learned a lot from that relationship and grew as a person. I feel more like "me" now, after suppressing so much of myself for so long. So - yes, to ENTPs, I think. Of course, it will depend on the individual.

I'm currently single, and regarding which type(s) are best for me...well, I don't know. I DO know that I tend to be drawn to ISTPs (which is unfortunate, because we don't really seem to be compatible in the long run), and I think that INTPs, ENTPs, and perhaps INFJs or ENFPs or ENFJs would be a good fit? I don't even know anymore.

Yeah, I'm staying single for awhile. :laughing:
 
#22 ·
Haha I feel like we're in the same boat - "I think I know what I wan't...but not really at all"

Also I have the same problem I think with ESFJs that you have with ISTPs. I am drawn to them because they tend to be obsessed with me and they love my mind and totally idealize me (which, who wouldn't love that!!)... but I know in the long run I will eventually get bored and frustrated due to their lack of really understanding me. It's a vicious cycle.
 
#20 · (Edited)
For Successful Relationships/Marriages
- What do you love about the type you chose? -- I chose an ENFP, and I could write a book about why I love him. We are different sides of the same coin, and we balance each other out in all kinds of different ways. We have enough similarities to communicate easily, but we also have enough differences to learn from each other and keep things interesting. ENFPs have a bad reputation for being flaky, but once they decide to settle down they are incredibly loyal. My ENFP has patience that is almost unreal, and he puts up with just about anything. He accepts the whole of me, and I can be transparent with him. His sweetness is off the charts.
- What initially attracted you to the person? -- More cerebral things. Our first conversation was about the Myers-Briggs and other psychology-related subjects. It is rare for me to have a stimulating conversation with someone, and when I spoke to him for the first time I didn't want to stop. I also liked how curious he was. He seemed to ask me all the right questions, and he knew just how to get into my head without being abrasive.
- What facets of your relationship have you personally struggled with? Or what have they struggled with regarding you? - Fe vs Fi seems to cause the most issues. I get stressed about social acceptance to the point where it could probably be labeled as an anxiety, but my ENFP doesn't care much at all. He is perfectly comfortable with doing his own thing, regardless of how people perceive him because of it. Inherently, that can be a great quality a lot of the time, but it can cause me a good deal of stress. My Ni/Ti also tends to clog up communication at times, but fortunately my ENFP is good at getting crucial information out of me as soon as he senses that something is wrong.
- Even though you're happy in your current relationship, do you think you would be even happier with someone of another type? -- Maybe, but I don't really care to find out. I have already established a very strong foundation of trust and acceptance with my ENFP, and it would take a terribly long time to build that with someone else. A lot of INFJs rave about ENTPs, but I personally prefer Fs.
- Do you/have you find yourself drawn to certain types other than the "ideal" ENTP type? Which types and Why? Again, I personally think that ENFPs are more ideal. ENTPs are good for joking around with and interesting conversations, but their tendency to go on, and on, an on about pedantic things is too tiresome for me. If I had to -- for some terrible reason -- leave my ENFP for another type, I would probably go with an ENTJ. Their Te/Ni is a lot of fun for me, and I have a knack for getting to their "plushier" side fairly quickly.

For Unsuccessful Relationships/Marriages
- What didn't work about the relationship? (Please state type) I have briefly dated an unhealthy ENFP, and I also briefly dated an INTJ. Aside from that, I had a FWB relationship with an ISTP. The unhealthy ENFP didn't work because 1) I was way too young at the time, and he was 7 years my senior, 2) He was a psychological mess and did not know what he wanted from life 3) He had the unfortunate EP tendency of running around on me. Ended that crap as soon as I found out about it. INTJ did not work because 1) We were both pretty unhealthy people at that time, me more than him, 2) There wasn't a sufficient level of physical attraction. Sounds shallow, but that's important to me, 3) He was overtly affectionate to the point where I felt suffocated. We only lasted for three months. ISTP did not work because 1) The obvious: it was a FWB relationship and I wanted more than that, 2) I was incredibly unhealthy. Hence why I entered that arrangement to begin with, 3) He was a textbook psychopath and he has left a bad taste in my mouth for ISTPs ever since.
- What was the hardest part to deal with in the relationship? -- ENFP: The instability and whiny attitude. INTJ: The smothering. ISTP: Mind games, gaslighting, manipulation, compulsive lying, being a perfect gentleman one day and then an abusive a**hole the next. I could go on.
- What drew you to that person in the first place? ENFP: Felt like a fellow "outsider". We had an ENFP/INFJ connection that I didn't understand at the time, but I felt like I could be myself with him. INTJ: We had already been best friends for a long time, and we decided to acknowledge some erotic feelings we had for each other. It wasn't enough to sustain a relationship. ISTP: Desperation, and common interests that probably stemmed from Ni/Ti + Ti/Ni.
- Anything you enjoyed about their type? - ENFP: Same things I enjoy about my current ENFP, but with the unhealthy one those qualities were more diluted and didn't outweigh the bad. INTJ: Shared Ni is always interesting, and he was very sweet to me. The problem was that he was too sweet for my tastes. ISTP: The liberty to be my as-of-then screwed-up self around him was relieving, and we did share some common interests. But yeah, guy was a psychopath.
- Would you ever be with someone of the same type again? - ENFP: already am. INTJ: Nope. Too many similarities to balance each other out in a good way. ISTP: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope. Nope. Nope.
 
#23 ·
For Successful Relationships/Marriages
- What do you love about the type you chose? -- I chose an ENFP, and I could write a book about why I love him. We are different sides of the same coin, and we balance each other out in all kinds of different ways. We have enough similarities to communicate easily, but we also have enough differences to learn from each other and keep things interesting. ENFPs have a bad reputation for being flaky, but once they decide to settle down they are incredibly loyal. My ENFP has patience that is almost unreal, and he puts up with just about anything. He accepts the whole of me, and I can be transparent with him. His sweetness is off the charts.
INFJ/ENFP pairings are seeming to be close contenders with the INFJ/ENTP pairing as far as preference goes I'm noticing. The relationship seems to be very endearing... anyway thanks for sharing that!

Also, sorry about your psychopath experience. That SUCKS! :(
 
#24 ·
Despite my incredible attraction for ISTPs (vixens!), I'd rather not go down that route again. I would love to be close with an ENFP. They sound delightful. However, I imagine I'll end up with an ISFJ, but I'm secretly hoping for a lovely little INFJ lady. I feel that could be.. surreal.
 
#26 ·
For Successful Relationships/Marriages
- What do you love about the type you chose?
My fiance is an ENFP, and I love most things about him. He's very witty and fun, little jokes fill my every day. There's always something new going on, even if it's small things like trying out new recipes while cooking, starting to read books to each other, playing chess, going for walks in places we've never been, talking about everything... We experience a lot together, and it gives us tons to talk about. Not that we'd actually need it, we have tons to talk about even when sitting together in an empty room, but still. He reminds me a lot about Robin Williams in his films - free spirited, happy, a bit of a joker, silly, yet so incredibly loving. Basically everything he does is based in love, and care for our relationship. Even when he's mad, it's usually out of worry, such as when I'm cutting vegetables, he might get mad because I'm careless... It might sound controlling but ultimately it is because he cares about me. I find that very endearing.

Also he understands me like no one else. It's like my true colour is a colour only he can see, when he describes me or talks about me I feel like he sees the same thing as I do, except his vision might perhaps be even better/nicer than mine (I'm pretty critical towards myself, he's absolutely not critical towards me). I also feel like I see him for what he is, and he accepts that. We both know each other inside and out and we know we can trust each other with that. Not all people feel comfortable with this, so I consider it a gift :)

- What initially attracted you to the person?
I hope he never reads this, but, his sense of humour. He's a very funny person, both intentionally and unintentionally. He gives me something to laugh or snicker about every day. The reason why I don't want him to know just how much I appreciate this is because he'd get too full of himself, haha, and he might start telling bad jokes, as a joke. Then I also felt very attracted to how he opened up to me, and how he asked me questions. He asked me about things I loved to talk about, which is really quite uncommon. Most people don't ask interesting things, but he asks questions that keeps my mind busy for hours.

- What facets of your relationship have you personally struggled with? Or what have they struggled with regarding you?
Sometimes I become a bit passive, I disappear inside my own head. He's pretty good at pulling me out when needed though, so it's not really a huge problem. Another problem is when we disagree on how to do things: we're both very stubborn. Usually this is only about insignificant stuff like how to put together IKEA furniture or which directions to go, but yeah. Being stubborn could be a problem in any relationship, I suppose.

- Even though you're happy in your current relationship, do you think you would be even happier with someone of another type?
I don't. I think if I could transform him into myself on very few, specific occasions, I'd like to do that (when he's being stubborn despite being wrong about stuff - yes, of course I know what's right or wrong!) for things to run more smoothly, but other than that.. Nope. Or well, perhaps at night when I want to sleep and he still wants to talk. It would be cool if he turned into a very introverted introvert then, so he could entertain himself quietly instead of needing me to participate. But that's only on week nights around 3 o clock that this is ever a problem. Perhaps you know this, but some ENFPs just cannot shut up :p

- Do you/have you find yourself drawn to certain types other than the "ideal" ENTP type? Which types and Why?
I obviously wrote about my ENFP instead of an ENTP because I think they might be a bit similar (being Ne-doms), and I also thought you might find it informative in some way. If you don't, I'll have to excuse myself, and then I'll just view this as an invitation to reflect upon my own relationship. An opportunity for which I'd like to thank you, either way :)
 
#30 ·
Another point for the INFJ/ENFP pairing!! :) No, thank you so much for sharing, even if it wasn't about an ENTP. I want to know about relationships with all types! It sounds like you guys have an awesome relationship... The part about ENFPs not shutting up made me LOL! haha I only just met my first ENFP friend not too long ago, and he definitely cannot shut up either. It's pretty entertaining.
 
#28 · (Edited)
I find PT is not as big of an issue in the long run than having similar values and goals. I don't care how good a PT combo looks on paper if one wants to live in the country and have 6 kids and the other wants to live out of suitcase and travel the world sans kids, that relationship will never survive without one person seriously compromising. I am married to an ISTJ and you would think this would be a horrible match with an ENTP; however, since we have similar religious leanings, upbringings, life goals, and enough similar interests, it works. We did fight for the first few years of our relationship until we figured how each of us ticked, but what came through in the end was a pretty darn strong partnership. Our strengths are the other person's weakness.

Someone discussed that "E" types would be difficult because they would want a different lifestyle. That is not necessarily true and with a little compromise, both parties can be happy. I have found that E/I in general (or at least a high E and a slight E or high I or slight I) work better with each other. Two high "Es" tend to get into competition for attention and two high "Is" tend to miss out on interacting with the world and do not have any drive to leave their comfort zone. ENTPs are actually very independent people and are the most introverted extroverts. We like a party but (at least a healthy one) does not need to party every night; however, we like to do things and it is perfectly fine if it is one on one. I find with my own husband, we needed to find the right balance of letting me get my socializing done and not overdoing it. We have talked out how to deal with social events that are required (work parties, etc.) and finding the balance of letting me work the room but also not completely abandon him. Like all relationships, it takes good communication for it to survive.

Again, there are varying degrees of extroverts and some extroverted types are much more hyper than others. Believe it or not, my ISTJ husband is MUCH more talkative at home than me. Because I talk and let out my thoughts all day long, I don't feel like I am bursting to talk when I get home. However, it seems like he saves up all his thoughts from the day to tell me (and only me). I knew when I was in a good spot with him when I stopped being in ENTP "on" position (the one you see when we are working the room in a social gathering) and could just "be" with him.
 
#32 ·
For Those Not Currently In A Relationship
Never been in a relationship as of yet. ^.^;...Anywho!

Are there any specific types you are not attracted to or would not date?
Unhealthy Fi & Si Dom/Aux users mostly, but any unhealthy type in general. Too many non-romantic encounters with these users make me quite wary and exhausted. I may avoid romantic relationships with extroverts since I am low and slow energy.

Are there specific types you prefer or are searching for?
As long as the person is psychologically and emotionally fairly healthy, I'm not fickle. But I wouldn't mind giving an INFJ or INTP a try first. Ok, I would prefer someone with a healthy Fe/Ti dichotomy more than anything and not necessarily in that sequence.
:blushed:

Have you ever dated an ENTP? Or any NT? (please specify which) If so, how was that relationship?
Nope and nope. But, I would be willing to give them a try. Mostly the INT's.
 
#33 ·
@Jaclyn - Them being unable to shut up makes me LOL as well! It's like a blessing and a curse, on some occassions I really would've appreciated a moment of silence, but I really do find it charming so I can tolerate it... Even if I make jokes about it or sometimes sigh when he's talking too much (yes, there is such a thing) I actually do love him for it. I suppose it's a bit like my inability to think and walk at the same time, or think and talk at the same time, for that matter. I can understand why it'd annoy him at times, but from what I've understood he thinks it's a bit charming as well. I suppose that's part of what makes for a good relationship - that you appreciate each other including flaws, in fact, they might not even be seen as flaws at all then :)

What does your ENFP talk about? Mine's talking about well, everything. Not so much what's straight in front of his face though, he has a very hard time focusing on that. Like, if I ask him what we should make for dinner, he'll usually start talking about how we should totally set up our own movie room in our house, or how society is fucked up in many more ways than one... Or anything else that isn't related to food at all. Come to think of it he talks about so many things that "what's happening right now, in front of his face" is probably the only thing he'll never talk about :laughing:
 
#34 ·
What does your ENFP talk about?
I can't quite say for certain. He does blab a lot about himself haha. But I don't know him too well yet because we've only talked a few times. But the conversations we've had do tend to lean towards the imaginative/hypothetical/abstract/etc. From my recent interactions with ENTPs I think I'm starting to prefer ENFPs over them lol! I don't really see ENFPs behaving like "know-it-alls" Does your ENFP do that ever?
 
#35 ·
I can think of two relationships, but neither lasted very long, so take this with a grain of salt. In the long run, both worked out fine in practice, they just fizzled out due to other issues.

What didn't work about the relationship? (Please state type)

ENTJ*--I wasn't open with myself around him. I felt like I was being judged all the time, and while I'm pretty sure that was just my own anxiety, it didn't make for a very affirming relationship. Over time, it tended to be me listening to his rambles and that was it. Also, being a LDR. He preferred phone calls and I preferred texting, and we never managed to find a happy medium. We lost contact with each other eventually and that was that.

ENTP--He was an extrovert who was also socially anxious, meaning he tended to glom on to one or two people and heap all his people-loving onto them, which got exhausting. Clingy early on, but we got to the level of rapport we could discuss that comfortably. Overall though, I just felt a little too intruded on, and I wasn't sure how we would be able to fit long term. We are wonderful friends still, and honestly, despite the cling issue we probably would be married if we lived any closer together. We met online--him being UK, me being USA--and the distance was a major deciding factor for me in not pursuing it further.

*The ENTJ later retyped to be an ENFJ. IMHO, he's just a very confused guy.

What was the hardest part to deal with in the relationship?
ENTJ -- Never knowing what he was really thinking. He never lied, but he's the kind of guy that clams up whenever he's stressed or when something was bothering him about the relationship. It was never malicious or behind-the-back or anything, but I couldn't settle with that lack of communication. Too many unanswered questions and ways I could turn it into something awful with worrying.

ENTP -- Again, the cling.

What drew you to that person in the first place?

ENTJ -- He made me feel like a woman. I know that's a strange thing to say, but that's what it was. Typically most guys treat me like "one of the boys", or else can't keep up with my intuition/intelligence. He not only kept up, but could surprise me. He would also do things like give me flowers, poetry, or flirt with me in an old-fashioned way, which blew my mind because I'm not used to being wooed, period. He was a strong Catholic and that rubbed off in some of his ideals around marriage and family, which was attractive to me, if a bit alien.

ENTP -- Nothing tbh, LOL. He pursued me. It irritated the hell out of me at first, until he came through for me during some very tough times. After that, his loyalty drew me and keeps me (as a friend)--I can talk to him about ANYTHING, and vice versa.

Anything you enjoyed about their type?
ENTJ -- The sense of duty, the integrity, comfortable leading and making decisions, seeming on top of things (even when he wasn't).

ENTP -- Ne rambles. Combine with Ni and we come up with some pretty marvelous and wacky theories.

Would you ever be with someone of the same type again?
ENTJ--Would need one that's more open and less anxious, me thinks. Also, while being the "submissive" part of the relationship was interesting for a while, I don't think I would have fit into that in the long run.

ENTP -- Definitely. Their creativity and sense of humor is delicious.

Do you/have you find yourself drawn to certain types other than the "ideal" ENTP type? Which types and Why?

I tend to be drawn to "deep" people, as well as people who are warm in demeanor and care strongly about others. Stereotypically I suppose that would be NF types. But, I'm also starting to get wary of that trend. In the past, many of my NF platonic friendships have turned into over-invested cesspools of drama. I think I'd get along better with someone who's a little more grounded and Thinkery, not so prone to taking everything so personally.

I tend to do well with Extroverts. I'm not very good at initiating and they draw me out of my shell. I'm not so low energy I start feeling daunted by their abundance (though I would value a hubby who we could curl up in bed and read our own books quietly together); the extra kick helps to get things going and keep them going.
 
#37 ·
The biggest thing I've learned from my experience (Yours may differ. Everyone is different, even within... especially within Myers Briggs)

I think E/I doesn't really matter, though it may effect how you meet and initially get to know one another.
S types can be hard to really "connect" with in the way that we love to connect.
T types can be unconscientious and hurtful, but those with mature Fi are wonderful.

I have really bad experience with STJ types. I dated an ISTJ... in the beginning it was fine. Even in the early stages we had to talk SO much just to understand each other. It stimulated a lot of conversation, but not a lot of understanding was yielded from it on either side (it was easier for me to understand her though than vice versus)
I'll tell you... as soon as we had something to fight about, there was nothing that we could see eye to eye on.
S types are not intuitive... by definition. They can respect N types if they are mature, but they will likely not be intrigued by us like we might hope.

SJ types in general have a hard time understanding us. A problem with this is because these types often notice things and try to categorize them. They notice emotional responses very well, but do not have a strong filter with with to understand the background workings and complexities of the emotion, though they may feel them as well.

INFJ's are EMOTIONALLY CONFUSING creatures. If someone can't understand the motive BEHIND our emotions, it makes for a hell of a difficult situation. They just won't understand us, and will have a hard time truly empathizing with us.

I'm currently struggling to find a comfortable working relationship with someone I am convinced is an ESTJ. ISTJ/ESTJ types just don't speak our language.

Of course, this is all my opinion and experience.
 
#39 ·
SJ types in general have a hard time understanding us. A problem with this is because these types often notice things and try to categorize them. They notice emotional responses very well, but do not have a strong filter with with to understand the background workings and complexities of the emotion, though they may feel them as well.

INFJ's are EMOTIONALLY CONFUSING creatures. If someone can't understand the motive BEHIND our emotions, it makes for a hell of a difficult situation. They just won't understand us, and will have a hard time truly empathizing with us.

I'm currently struggling to find a comfortable working relationship with someone I am convinced is an ESTJ. ISTJ/ESTJ types just don't speak our language.
I've been finding this as well. One of my best friends is an ESFJ (I think, definitely an SJ at least) and I'm finding it really hard to figure her out lol. And I think she feels the same about me.
 
#41 ·
Being a single and relationship-paranoid INFJ, I'm curious as to the successful or unsuccessful relationships of INFJs with other types. Of course, the apparent "ideal" relationship being with an ENTP, I'm curious as to how that relationship dynamic works from the perspective of an INFJ. Don't get me wrong - I'm interested in the other types dynamics as well, since obviously true love is not limited to what's considered "ideal".
In theory an INFJ will do decently with any of the intuitive types, so:

* INFJ
* INTJ
* ENFP
* ENTP

I think a lot will come down to personal preference issues but these are pretty different personality types and probably you should try them all.

I personally have dated guys of varying types - ISFP, ESFJ, ENFP, INFP, INTJ, etc. The ones I connected with/idealized most of course were the N's. The ones I communicated best with were the Es. Ever so slowly I am discovering what I work best with and hoping I can find someone that compliments me perfectly. However I do have an issue of trying to reduce love to a science, which I know is unreasonable. But hey, a girl can try!
That's interesting, but how do you define "communicated best"? Is this in the sense of "had easy conversations"? Communication as I think of it should signify deep understanding, not just verbal jesting.

It would be interesting to elaborate the trade offs you saw here. For example, perhaps the INxx understood you better, but they failed to open their mouth and talk often enough to really establish deeper and ongoing communication. The Exxx had easy rapport, but the ESFJ might not have understood you very well. Making it all up, just for example....

Nothing wrong with reducing love to a science. I view MBTI just as a general framework that lets me immediately exclude extreme cases, and if nothing else it suggests areas of a relationship that you can test around. If you go crazy for an ISTP and the theory says you are doomed, at least you know the personality traits to observe and to watch carefully their ability to penetrate your intuition. (Yeah, you are probably doomed. :) Maybe he should be the fun boyfriend, not the fiance, etc.)
 
#46 ·
That's interesting, but how do you define "communicated best"? Is this in the sense of "had easy conversations"? Communication as I think of it should signify deep understanding, not just verbal jesting.
You cannot have understanding without communication. Understanding is the result, not the means. So if you are not able to convey your thoughts and feelings to one another successfully, then understanding cannot be achieved. So yes, ease of communication is highly important - at least to me. Even if it doesn't come easily, as long as you are able to figure one another out at some point early on without too much aggravation then I also consider that successful. I agree that understanding is just as important, however I don't think it is more important - I think both are necessary. If two people do eventually understand each other deeply but it's always like pulling teeth to get to that point and the ease of communicating is never learned, then I don't consider that a healthy or successful relationship.

It would be interesting to elaborate the trade offs you saw here. For example, perhaps the INxx understood you better, but they failed to open their mouth and talk often enough to really establish deeper and ongoing communication. The Exxx had easy rapport, but the ESFJ might not have understood you very well. Making it all up, just for example....
It's true the ESFJ did not understand me as deeply as an IN** does, however the open and easy line of communication made it much more preferable to me. I do think I would prefer an EN** over an IN** because of that very reason. My relationships with IN**s, romantic or otherwise, have been somewhat exhaustive due to the lack of ease in communication. It's hard for most INFJs to communicate verbally as it is, and to be with other IN** types that have the same struggles make things worse, at least from my perspective.

Nothing wrong with reducing love to a science. I view MBTI just as a general framework that lets me immediately exclude extreme cases, and if nothing else it suggests areas of a relationship that you can test around. If you go crazy for an ISTP and the theory says you are doomed, at least you know the personality traits to observe and to watch carefully their ability to penetrate your intuition. (Yeah, you are probably doomed. :) Maybe he should be the fun boyfriend, not the fiance, etc.)
Exactly. But my problem was always trying to define every little thing. But the reality is that you can't work in precise details when it comes to love. Like you said, it can give us a general framework to work with and a base with which to weed out the seriously unfitting, but really, in the end, everything is left up to chance and circumstance. Just because someone is an ENTP doesn't mean they will be perfect for a certain INFJ and just because an ISTP isn't the ideal type for an INFJ doesn't mean the two can't have a successful and happy relationship and feel like they're "meant to be" and have a deep connection... Really, the more I analyze things, the more I realize how little I can really analyze. Haha...
 
#42 ·
thanks for the topic, it made me thinking about my exe's type for the first time, really. and the results are a bit bothering, they were all s-types (except for the last one but he was all in for fe-se, not much ni there) and i am wondering why. but i think it was always their strong fe/se-vibe that got me in the first place, cause i lack(ed) it so much.

my first boyfriend was an esfp. we were intrigued by each others inferior function i guess. but his cheating really destroyed a lot of confidence and trust so i wouldn't go near there anymore.

the second was an estp(?). it felt like two sides of the same coin, we were coming from different worlds litterally and it didn't fit at all and then again it fit very well. it was a strange experience for both of us and everybody else around us but we had very interesting times. it was a bad boy/ good girl-dynamics and i think i just had a rebellious twentysomething-thing going on there...so yeah. of course it didn't last but i cherish the memories.

last was an enfj i guess. big time fe and i craved that so hard (i'm very heavy on the NI/TI side) and we had a wonderful summer indulging in se all over the place but it started to turn sour real soon. but i held on for too long to get back to the good times. i realised way too late we weren't made for each other at all. he's very good at manipulating people and is using this on a reglulr basis and i couldn't get away even when i saw what he was doing to me. at last he started cheating (thank god!) so i ended it (dealbreaker). i was left with a lot of broken glass there and i spent years of work to fix myself after that relationship. well, i really thought he was the one. now i think again.

i'm single ever since and i really don't believe in this whole relationship concept anymore. but since i am analysing my past experiences like that, i see the incompatible choices i made. maybe i should give an enxp/intj a try. intuition types sound worth the trouble. time for the tardis to arrive, god dammit!
 
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#44 ·
Do you feel like maybe you were using those early relationships for excitement and not focusing on deeper communication? There is nothing wrong with having fun, but if excitement was the criteria for selecting men it won't be a surprise that the relationships burn out quickly.
 
#43 ·
For Successful Relationships/Marriages
- What do you love about the type you chose?
ESTP: We are almost the same person. We like/care about the same things but in different worlds. For example, we're both gamers who prefer very immersive games over ones with detailed stories. We both hate assassin's creed and other historically based games. However, he likes playing realistic games but I like fantasy ones. We both spend real cash on aesthetic in-game features lmao. We're both audiophiles who do not fall for overrated trends in music, film, etc. I have an 80gb ipod while he has a 60gb expandable player. We both wear a lot of black and like the occult. I am of course am more into it than he is. We're both easily amused and chill. Conversations with him are the best though they're certainly rarely deep. That's okay though since I can have deep conversations with almost anyone. We just have a natural connection. I've never felt so comfortable with someone before. It sometimes feels like we're conjoined. Since we have some very different interests (i.e. he likes rock climbing and getting drunk at parties; i like reading about theory and chilling intimately with friends) there isn't a sense of competition which is good.
- What initially attracted you to the person?
We met on the train during high school. I liked how he always stood in the corner listening to music quietly, not engaging with the other students. Though he didnt do much, it still felt like he had a lot of energy inside of him which I am attracted to. I've read a lot of other responses here reporting a natural attraction to ISTPs. I think this is what I felt but he was an ESTP Ti subtype.
- What facets of your relationship have you personally struggled with? Or what have they struggled with regarding you?He is more formal than I am. This means that I have to go to a lot of family gatherings. I'm shy and awkward but compliant so I quietly tolerate the events. He's also a bit selfish and is used to getting his way through sheer persistence lmao. Being a crazily tolerant person, I can handle his antics so he eventually gives up :D In social settings, his open arrogance can rub people the wrong way which embarrasses me. On the other hand, he finds me lazy which is true since I need external motivation to get anything done. He finds me selfish as well but gives into me anyways (???). Regarding my informality, he finds me rude sometimes.
- Even though you're happy in your current relationship, do you think you would be even happier with someone of another type?
I think that I am very lucky to have found an ESTP who likes commitment. Maybe it has to do with upbringing. I don't think I would be happier with any other type which scares me because so many ESTPs are jerks. However, I might be equally happy with ISTJ, INTJ, ISFJ, INFJ, ENTP if their morals were the same as mine.
- Do you/have you find yourself drawn to certain types other than the "ideal" ENTP type? Which types and Why?
ENTPs are okay. I have only ever felt drawn towards ESTPs. I am an INFJ-Fe so in general I prefer conversations with extroverts. Talkative introverts are equally good though.

For Unsuccessful Relationships/Marriages
- What didn't work about the relationship? (Please state type)
INFJ: He had to take on the more dominant role in the relationship. As such, he couldn't be himself a lot of the time.
INTJ: He wasnt exciting enough for me and I wasnt the right type of creative for him.
- What was the hardest part to deal with in the relationship?
INFJ: cheating scumbag
INTJ: He was too unproductive for me.
- What drew you to that person in the first place?
INFJ: He pursued me from the get-go. We were mysterious in the same way and he wrote a lot of poetry for me.
INTJ: He was the perfect man. He was attractive, could cook, enjoyed reading, and was demisexual like me. We shared a deep interest in typology.
- Anything you enjoyed about their type?
INFJ: Same type as me.
INTJ: They are simultaneously practical and imaginative.
- Would you ever be with someone of the same type again?
Maybe, who knows. I do hope my ESTP and I grow old together though.
 
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