INFJ / INFJ Relationships - Any Experiences??

**Blue Heart** · 09-22-2009 12:19 AM

There are so few of us, (I think I have actually only met one INFJ that I know of) has anyone had any experience with an INFJ/INFJ friendship or relationship??

**R22** · 09-22-2009 05:41 AM

Yes, I have found that I know a couple of other INFJs and these tend to be good friendships for me, as we have a level of kinship & understanding that is hard to match. The one thing that I have found, though, is it's easy to fall into negativity and how the world 'should' be to the point where it can turn into wallowing, and one friendship with another INFJ ended because it became unhealthy and too enmeshed, so I have to be careful to maintain boundaries.

**shacklesofreality** · 09-22-2009 05:52 AM

My ex-girlfriend, and now close friend, is an infj too. We get along really well, and in my experience with other infj's i tend to get along with them well too. The relationship actually went fairly well, but the long distance, plus a few really stupid mistakes on my part, caused it to end far too soon. I'd take her back in a minute if she wanted me back, but right now she's content with our friendship, and to a degree i suppose i am too. I love my fellow Infj's.

**JennaRae** · 09-22-2009 08:35 PM

I have an INFJ friend. He's a very unique individual... At times he can be so compeltely understanding and compassionate, while at others- the most dispasisonate person on earth. He has an amazing insight to what people are thinking and feeling, and he would do anything for his friends. He also has a very objective view of the world and the people in it. If he knows that someone is trying to better themselves, then he's compassionate to their quest, but if he feels that someone SHOULD better their life, but isnt, he resents them.
He really does fit the "protector" category. If a friend is in need, even if they haven't expressed their need, he does whatever he can to help them.
He's very critical of himself, and he often feels that he should have made different decisions in life. He is very set in his ways however, and he acts off of his feelings and intuition with little regard to how things might end up down the road.
I dont know how he would react to being friends with another INFJ... It would probably be terrible for him. He has a hard time with me being an ENFJ... He doesn't like people sensing too much about his feelings or thoughts...

**HollyGolightly** · 09-24-2009 04:54 AM

Me and my mother. She's not as introverted or as intuitve as me though so we kind of clash.
Me and my nan on the other had get along really well. I think it's finding the right balance. I believe you can get on with an ytype as long as the functions are balanced.
Oh and there was an INFJ in my english class. She hated me, because I used to get praised more than her and the fact that I was modest made the teacher want to praise me more. God that made her blood boil, she was very competitive.

**Blue Heart** · 09-24-2009 02:29 PM

Originally Posted by JennaRae

I have an INFJ friend. He's a very unique individual... At times he can be so compeltely understanding and compassionate, while at others- the most dispasisonate person on earth. He has an amazing insight to what people are thinking and feeling, and he would do anything for his friends. He also has a very objective view of the world and the people in it. If he knows that someone is trying to better themselves, then he's compassionate to their quest, but if he feels that someone SHOULD better their life, but isnt, he resents them.
He really does fit the "protector" category. If a friend is in need, even if they haven't expressed their need, he does whatever he can to help them.
He's very critical of himself, and he often feels that he should have made different decisions in life. He is very set in his ways however, and he acts off of his feelings and intuition with little regard to how things might end up down the road.
I dont know how he would react to being friends with another INFJ... It would probably be terrible for him. He has a hard time with me being an ENFJ... He doesn't like people sensing too much about his feelings or thoughts...

Your friends sounds very much like my friend - thank you for the insight.

I am trying to decide weather to continue moving forward with this friendship, to back off, or what. We are such funny people...

**JennaRae** · 09-24-2009 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by Ygnacia

Your friends sounds very much like my friend - thank you for the insight.

I am trying to decide weather to continue moving forward with this friendship, to back off, or what. We are such funny people...

I know the feeling!! We've made things work by setting boundaries.... If he doesn't want to talk about something, I dont pry and he's the same with me. It can be a very rewarding friendship, but i'm an enfj, so I loooovvveee friends. haha.

**Rouge** · 09-25-2009 08:40 PM

I had an INFJ friend once. It was an uncomfortable relationship- he could look right into me without me having to say anything. The reverse was also true. At that point I met him, he wasn't a very nice person. He thought the world of himself and wouldn't mix with people he considered inferior. He cultivated "friends" whom he believed could help him get a job in investment banking, and lost interest in them when they could or did not. He also had a friends with benefit arrangement with a girl. When he was kicked out of his apartment, she let him stay with him. But he was unappreciative- he told her that if she were to give him any trouble, he could pack up and leave within the hour. Eventually, he left for another country to further his studies. She cried buckets at his farewell party. Instead of being touched, he derided her. How could she think she had a chance with him? She was "too old", physically unattractive and not at all smart.

I didn't approve of the way he behaved. Though I didn't tell him, he knew. We eventually drifted apart.

I suppose that's the thing about INFJ friendships. When you're similar, the friendship is a very good one. But when you have irreconcilable differences in outlook, things can get complicated very quickly.

**Halloween Decor** · 09-27-2009 10:13 AM

My relationship with another INFJ was a pleasure, but troubling at most. It is said that "Identical" relationships will flesh out into Dual relations, with one partner becoming the dual. In my case, I became the dual, the ESTJ. My girlfriend at the time had so many things built up inside of her, and she'd confided in me freely. Seeing myself within her, I was set on helping her overcome those issues. I constantly gave her advice, and became more action-oriented than I'd ever been with a girlfriend. Eventually, she felt this pressure to deal with her problems, and she felt that I was more her mentor than her friend. I, still feeling the helpful urges within me, was too stubborn to realize that she just wanted someone to listen to her, but I wouldn't have it. I hated feeling like I wasn't doing enough for her, but apparently I was doing too much.

After all was said and done, we spoke a few months later on a casual level. However, when the conversation lead to our past experience, it was cut short. I was still in the mood to overcome, while she was in the mood to forget. I realized then that she was not as serious as I was, and it all went to hell for me. The one time that she even made a move to listen to me- our last conversation- I was finished. By then, I'd grown frustrated with how useless I felt, how useless she'd made me feel, and there was nothing left for me to say. I was drained from "caring too much".

That is my personal experience with another INFJ. It was a closely-held bond, but all great things must come to an end. Unfortunately, it came down a bit too hard.

**GreenCoyote** · 11-09-2009 12:56 PM

My one relationship with another infj started when I was fourteen. I am 21 now and she is my twin flame.

There was much of what everyone has posted on here. the confusion. the clashing. the misunderstanding. we developed our relationship over distance, about 300 miles apart. However those letters bonded us together closer than two people on earth could ever become. I still love her today, as she loves me. We are forever together and inseperable and have a bond that binds us.

Even if I don't see her for years, when we get to meet for those one weeks I am totally at peace. we found a perfect world within everything and feel that dream state of reality without fault or slip. Splitting souls and sharing selves was an experience that was indeniably the most painful of my life. but also the most beautiful. I will always be her. and she will always be me.

it is a strange love, and we are not in a relationship, or friends, and she isn't even like a sister. she just is. and my feelings for her just are.

the only reason I am not with her today is that I have so much faith in the world (did not come easy) and to be with her would be selfish on my part. Our beautiful world should be shared with everyone. that is why I am still looking for an ENTP or ENFP who can bring me out of my shell and help me make positive changes for the world I love and live in. I hope one day we can live in a world where (korny but...) where everyones dreams can come true.