[Linnyya]

So I've been waiting for the last...hour and a half now, for my friend/crush/date to show up. And I'm extremely annoyed. I mean, I realize that he never really told me what time he'd arrive, nor did I ever press him for one, but he did say after lunch, and I just sort of expected him to have been here by now, you know? Or that he'd have given me a call to cancel. And so now I'm just sort of hanging here, not doing anything productive, just waiting. Need I mention that I obliged my narcissistic side by waking up at 9 just to get ready?



I guess I'm just feeling really devalued right now. Today was supposed to be my first ever 'date' and I had quite high hopes for it, but the very fact that he's late (and that he's been consistently late for everything else we've done together) makes me feel as if he just really doesn't care, which inevitably sparks another round of overanalysis of all the reasons why this relationship won't work out.

How do you guys feel when people are late to prescheduled events? Resentful? Annoyed? Frustrated? Disappointed? Angry?

[Zech]

<snip>

How do you guys feel when people are late to meticulously prescheduled events? Resentful? Annoyed? Frustrated? Disappointed? Angry?

Yep, I feel all those. I try to be early for any arrangement and get frustrated with people who are often, or always, late.

I guess you need to tell this guy how you feel and how his lateness affects you. He may or may not be able to change.

Having said that it does sound like there was a certain vagueness about today's arrangement with him?

[Introspiritual]

How do you guys feel when people are late to meticulously prescheduled events? Resentful? Annoyed? Frustrated? Disappointed? Angry?

All of the above.

...and go call him to find out what's up. Despite the lack of firm plans, you need something to go on here.

[ardentauthor]

How do you guys feel when people are late to prescheduled events? Resentful? Annoyed? Frustrated? Disappointed? Angry?

All of those. I'm extremely punctual, and I inherently expect people to be that way, even though I shouldn't...

I would talk to the guy you mentioned. He might have a legitimate reason for being late, or might haven not realized that it mattered to you. But if he seems not to care, that's a different matter entirely.

[bobdaduck]

I tend to get annoyed at everything until I have an explanation. If I were you and he showed up and was all like "My mom wanted me to mow the lawn" or whatever, I'd be okay with it. On the flipside, if his excuse was "I didn't really feel like it" then I'd probably be pretty annoyed.

[Linnyya]

Thanks to all the above responses: it's very interesting to see how so many INFJs feel the same way! He just called and will be coming over in a bit. =P That being said, I still want to hear your guys' opinions on this. And, what do you do when people are late? Do you just sort of let them be, or do you set out to change their habits, especially when they're good friends of yours?

[ardentauthor]

Thanks to all the above responses: it's very interesting to see how so many INFJs feel the same way! He just called and will be coming over in a bit. =P That being said, I still want to hear your guys' opinions on this. And, what do you do when people are late? Do you just sort of let them be, or do you set out to change their habits, especially when they're good friends of yours?

I let it be, but my friends can tell that I'm a little upset just because of how I act. The only time I've ever vocalized my annoyance to a friend was when we had tickets to a concert and were planning to go together. We'd bought them weeks in advance and were both aware of the time it began. We also had to factor in the time it would take to get to the stadium, because it was a few hours away. I arrived to pick her up but I ended up waiting a long time for her to get ready. Thankfully we weren't late, but I was afraid we'd be the whole way there. I told her I was upset, but I didn't complain the whole way there, even though I had an uncharacteristic urge to.

[CynicallyNaive]

I guess I'm just feeling really devalued right now. Today was supposed to be my first ever 'date' and I had quite high hopes for it, but the very fact that he's late (and that he's been consistently late for everything else we've done together) makes me feel as if he just really doesn't care....

Regardless of whether he actually does care or not, as a strong P who's worked hard to overcome this element of P-ness, i validate your rationale for feeling uncared for. Different cultures vary in expectations of punctuality but in North America, it's a sign of respect for people to value their time and be on time, within a reasonable allowance.

I guess you need to tell this guy how you feel and how his lateness affects you. He may or may not be able to change.

Yep. Communication is always good. For personality types like ours it would probably be easier to sweep this under the rug, but you'd remain resentful.

[cosmia]

Yes, it's annoying. I have a friend who used to be at least one hour late every - single - time. So I just learned to assume when she said 7, she meant 8. It always made me feel hurt, like she valued her time more than mine.

And while I'm waiting, I usually do what you did... just wander around, waiting, doing nothing. I'm always completely 100% ready at the time I'm meant to be ready and then I don't want to start doing something else because I want to fulfill my obligation to be ready just as I expect them to fulfill their obligation to be on time. So yes.. it is frustrating, and in all of that time waiting, if it's enough, I'll work up a little bit of resentment and then the whole time I spend with them will be a little off until I get over it. I know this sounds very uptight, and I'm working on being a little more flexible.

[MiriUchiha]

I don't feel angry mostly because I tend to get there 30 minutes early so it feels as if I waited for a long time but it really isn't. I think they're late maybe because they had some urgent business to finish or traffic.

My best friend's ex was like that too. He would be late for everything and at the last minute, he would call to say that he can't hang out anymore and it's frustrating. But if he's late in meeting you and show's up, I guess that's okay but then you have to tell him that he should be on time for other dates or hang-outs.